WingsFan13

I wish I could help my wife understand the alcoholic urges or thoughts we have. to her, she doesnt understand how i can wake up with these thoughts of occasionally drinking and then push the thoughts out with rational sober thoughts.

I tried to tell her its like her having a craving for a hamburger, it goes away pretty quickly but that analogy didnt really work.

LittleSparrow

I had made it 7 months and started drinking again because I was on vacation and I thought, "I'll just have a drink here and go back to being sober." Well, that was over 6 months ago and I'm still drinking. Obviously I don't think that's a good thing since I'm still looking at SR and trying to get the motivation/courage to stop again. Please, please, please don't put yourself through this same thing. Trust me, it's not as fun as you remember. I'd give everything to be back at that moment where I decided to have a drink. I'd slap myself silly and tell myself not to throw away 7 months of hard work. I'm glad you're rethinking occasional drinking. Good luck.

BabyJane

I can relate to the wife thing too. My boyfriend is a "normie" in every sense of the word and we are both very perplexed by each other when it comes to the whole drug / alcohol business.

He literally drinks craft beers for the taste and not to get drunk. Can you imagine that? Who drinks two freaking beers and goes to bed? Lol

Also, he smokes pot and then quits smoking pot for months at a time because of his job. Dude when my job had a no drug policy I was outta there! I wasn't going to let go of my habbit for a stupid job! Ha!

I guess that's just why I'm an alcoholic / addict FOR SURE and he isn't. I do
get frustrated with his lack of understanding but that's why I do AA and stuff like that. I love my guy but I have to be around people who understand me sometimes or I'll go bonkers.

EternalQ

Wings, I totally empathize with others in my life who care but dont really get it. That is why I am on SR so much. I tell people it is a sugn that you are not an alcoholic that you DONT get it. The secrecy, shame, desperation, helplessness, hopelessness, and even degeneracy, all combined, well, how CAN they understand it?

Tell your wife it is like when: sometimes you wake up and want to call out sick to work, but you dismiss it and you go to work. Other times you can't dismiss it, it stays in your head secretly, until the urge becomes irrestisible, and then you have to call out sick when you are not actually sick, so you lie, then you can't really enjoy it, or even leave the house because you are ashamed and guilty and afraid someone will find out. It is like that only magnified one million times...

WhisperStr3ngth

See, I am the wife to an alcoholic that was told by my hubs (you don't get it, you're not an alcoholic ) but I did get it and I am an alcoholic .. Everytime I went to an AA meeting with my hubs, I felt great and welcomed and everything was/is relatable .. plus the further he got in his sobriety the more I missed, wanted, & thought about alcohol .. So,it's a true sign that they are not an alcoholic if they can not wrap their heads around it..


Sobriety date 11-5-12 @8:13pm

PippoRossi

Wings ~ I thought the same way too when I got sober the first time. 9 months into my sobriety I took one drink and it was too much for me. During the 8 months following that one drink, I was drinking more heavily than I had ever done in the past, experiencing constant black outs, waking up every morning with a hangover, etc. etc. Alcoholism is a progressive disease meaning it does not get better but worse. Please think about starting to drink, again.

PippoRossi

Ahhhh, that's a good ole trigger for ya! It's nice to know you now recognize what caused you to think that way. For me, it's had nothing to do with cravings and everything to do with triggers.

WingsFan13

Well had 7 months sober, and then went back to drinking the last 5 months. as usual, it got progressively worse and worse than it ever has been.

Day 1 starts again today. I'm also attending my first AA meeting in about 2 hours.

I really wish I had listened to everyone in this thread.

least

Don't beat yourself up too badly. Forgive yourself and move forward again. All we have is today cause yesterday is gone and tomorrow isn't here yet. Make the most of today.

Hevyn

WingsFan - Thank you for coming back to tell what happened - this is valuable information for those just beginning their journey to sobriety. I had a similar thing happen. I had 3 yrs. sober & decided I could have 'a few' once in awhile. It didn't take long for things to spin out of control, and I was worse than ever. It took years to get back on track. At least you're stopping now, after 5 mos. I predict you'll be more determined than ever to stick with the program. I didn't need any further proof.

Glad you are back and reclaiming your life.

WingsFan13

I can forgive myself but I'm hoping that my wife can forgive me. she knew it would get worse if i started again and i didnt listen to her. now here I am, regretting the last 5 months because it hurt her.

I can only hope that a continued sober life will repair the pain ive caused for her

noanxtime

Sigh... I had a little chat today with myself in the store when walking past a bottle of wine that looked inviting and cheap! I thought to myself "wouldn't a nice glass of wine be great? Just one glass..." Yeah RIGHT! Not only would that bottle be gone in less than an hour, I would be yearning for more! BTW I was a 'box-o-wine-o', a cheap, quick buzz all the time.
Step back, take a breath and realize that the big romance with booze has been over for a very long time. And good riddance!

silentrun

Thanks for posting Wingsfan. There are a few of us here starting to feel physically better and contemplating if we are really addicts or just compulsive drinkers. I think it is just the AV trying to get us overconfident with our recovery so it can sneak attack. Reminds us not to let those thoughts in...ever. Glad your back.

Dee74

Welcome back WF - and thanks for sharing. It's so important to get that message out.

I hope everything will be ok for you - I reckon if your wife is still there by you, thats a good sign
D

Nattythreads

I'm so glad you thought twice, WF13. It kind of confuses me, this thinking.

You see if we're being completely honest, we're actually not that interested in controlled drinking. We don't care about social niceties and having the odd beer or glass of wine with friends in a pleasant, fuzzy, warm-glow fantasy world.

We want to go out there and get fecking hammered. We long ago left behind any premise of a take it-or-leave it social drinker. Sure we can pretend for a short while that everything's hunky dory. And with extreme effort can deliberately leave a half-full glass on the table, patting ourselves on the back as if we really believed that act somehow meant we weren't an alkie.

But it's bollocks. Every nerve end is screaming out to go and get the job finished properly. And inevitably the next time or the time after that, that's exactly what we'll do. Finish the job properly.

Save yourself the heartache, WF13. Cherish your seven months and guard them with the honor they deserve. Don't fool yourself, don't screw up.

Well done mate for thinking twice. If it happens again, think twice, thrice, four times. Whatever it takes not to pick up.

NT

LadyinBC

Unfortunately we don't learn anything until we make a few mistakes. Especially when it comes to our drinking. I'm glad to see that you are back and if anything you have learned something.

LadyinBC

I don't think that way about 1 drink. As soon as I think of drinking, I think of getting my cheap sherry and just drowning myself in it. I 've resigned myself to the fact that I can never, ever have one drink because that is not what I want, I want all of it. I think that is what keeps me going.

WingsFan13

I completely agree. I have to be honest with myself

IWillWin

Wings - you helped this alcoholic today by sharing your experience. I'm at 7 months this week and this thread was bumped at a crucial time for me.

Thank you and I'm sorry you are struggling. I appreciate your honesty and courage - reminds me why that 1 drink will never, ever be enough. Ever.

Nattythreads

I missed the post in the middle where you descended in to hell again! My post still stands. In fact it makes even more sense given what you've just gone through.

If your wife stands by you, you're a lucky man. I ran out of opportunities on that front, I'm afraid. Grab the lifeline while you can and don't abuse the faith and trust. It won't be there indefinitely if she's got any sense. It's too much of an emotional burden.

All strength, mate.

NT