This is difficult.
Call Me "Cor"
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Georgia, US
Posts: 15
This is difficult.
Hello all.
I'm a 28-year-old female alcoholic who has been drinking for ten years and drinking heavily for about five years. My longest sober period in those five years has been about three months. As of now, I have no sober days. In fact, I am drinking as I write this.
I've browsed these forums on and off. I've read a lot of wonderful and heartbreaking words. I even joined before, but I never posted. I recall writing an emotional post that I could not bring myself to publish. You see, I have that old lack of courage. And the fear of and anxiety toward so many aspects of life that it is ridiculous and utterly tiresome. Everything about my addiction is tiresome. I love the feeling of being sober for those days or week, but then my brain tricks itself into thinking I need the old disgusting bottle or can. Then I feel as disgusting as ever.
Alcohol has claimed my health and my appearance. It almost claimed my marriage. It has claimed my friendships. It has almost claimed my future career. Almost claimed my life, of course. Somehow I have managed to avoid what I consider serious problems. But the problems I've had are serious, yes.
I don't expect this forum to change me. I just hope to find a little support and inspiration. I have the goal of posting here once a day in addition to going to a meeting as often as I can.
Regards,
Cor
I'm a 28-year-old female alcoholic who has been drinking for ten years and drinking heavily for about five years. My longest sober period in those five years has been about three months. As of now, I have no sober days. In fact, I am drinking as I write this.
I've browsed these forums on and off. I've read a lot of wonderful and heartbreaking words. I even joined before, but I never posted. I recall writing an emotional post that I could not bring myself to publish. You see, I have that old lack of courage. And the fear of and anxiety toward so many aspects of life that it is ridiculous and utterly tiresome. Everything about my addiction is tiresome. I love the feeling of being sober for those days or week, but then my brain tricks itself into thinking I need the old disgusting bottle or can. Then I feel as disgusting as ever.
Alcohol has claimed my health and my appearance. It almost claimed my marriage. It has claimed my friendships. It has almost claimed my future career. Almost claimed my life, of course. Somehow I have managed to avoid what I consider serious problems. But the problems I've had are serious, yes.
I don't expect this forum to change me. I just hope to find a little support and inspiration. I have the goal of posting here once a day in addition to going to a meeting as often as I can.
Regards,
Cor
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Hey Cor. Welcome. We have been there. I struggled to break free for years. Once I was done and ready to hand my life over to sobriety unconditionally things began to change for me.
I was facing mounting problems- it is amazing how much more functional we can be sober.
I also came to the conclusion that the "dread" of sobriety, and fears of failure, boredom etc were a product of the addiction- they went away- Life is now more fun and easier..........and I have a future.
You can to
I was facing mounting problems- it is amazing how much more functional we can be sober.
I also came to the conclusion that the "dread" of sobriety, and fears of failure, boredom etc were a product of the addiction- they went away- Life is now more fun and easier..........and I have a future.
You can to
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Hi Cor.
Welcome to SR. This is a wonderful place to find support.
A new life for you awaits, it can be done. There are so many here who are doing it successfully.
I was a daily drinker. I have been sober 5 months.
Put down that drink and join us. This journey is awesome xx
Welcome to SR. This is a wonderful place to find support.
A new life for you awaits, it can be done. There are so many here who are doing it successfully.
I was a daily drinker. I have been sober 5 months.
Put down that drink and join us. This journey is awesome xx
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: deep south
Posts: 58
welcome cor. you will find much support on this web site to help with your recovery. focus on the moment and live day to day. you have to start somewhere, so why not start right now. put it down and go forward. small baby steps at first. we're here with you.
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
welcome, corneille. i'm glad you've finally found the courage to post. no, this place won't change you. that comes from within. but you will find more support and inspiration than you'll know what to do with! i'm a 31 year old female who drank for about 10 years, 5 heavily and 3 so heavily it's amazing i don't have wet brain. it is possible to get that self respect back. or to get it at all if you didn't have to to begin with if you're like me. i hope you find this place to be as helpful as i have. welcome to SR. it's good to have you here.
Call Me "Cor"
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Georgia, US
Posts: 15
Wow, thank you, Instant, Jeni, Happier, tinkanman, and Grits.
Instant -- Yes, that dread must be mostly imaginary, but oh, how it creeps up at the most inconvenient times. I'm ready to be done with it.
Jeni -- Thank you, and I'm ready for the journey....
tinkanman -- In honesty, my will isn't strong enough to put it down when it is right in front of me. Not just yet. I want to be there.
GRITS -- I never really had the self-respect either. I'm rather certain that is something I've clung to when drinking, but it is not easy to overcome.
To all -- I'm very glad to meet you.
Instant -- Yes, that dread must be mostly imaginary, but oh, how it creeps up at the most inconvenient times. I'm ready to be done with it.
Jeni -- Thank you, and I'm ready for the journey....
tinkanman -- In honesty, my will isn't strong enough to put it down when it is right in front of me. Not just yet. I want to be there.
GRITS -- I never really had the self-respect either. I'm rather certain that is something I've clung to when drinking, but it is not easy to overcome.
To all -- I'm very glad to meet you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,456
Hi Cor 
I didn't expect this forum to change me either..but gee I wanted it to.
I'd been drinking (and drunk) all day every day for 5 years when I arrived here.
I was beyond despair, beyond hopelessness.
I genuinely thought it was too late - I was doomed.
The people here gave me support, they gave me understanding, they gave me courage and they gave hope.
I'm nearly 6 years sober now.
SR helped me turn my life around - I know SR can help you do that too Cor
welcome!
D
I didn't expect this forum to change me either..but gee I wanted it to.
I'd been drinking (and drunk) all day every day for 5 years when I arrived here.
I was beyond despair, beyond hopelessness.
I genuinely thought it was too late - I was doomed.
The people here gave me support, they gave me understanding, they gave me courage and they gave hope.
I'm nearly 6 years sober now.
SR helped me turn my life around - I know SR can help you do that too Cor
welcome!
D
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Hi, Cor. Welcome to SR.
You'll find here not just little support and inspiration, but huge amount of support, encouragement and useful information.
As of the lack of courage, it is that nasty voice convinces you that you lack it. You have your courage, and the more you practice it, the more it increases. Just give it a try, make baby steps and you'll be surprised.
Take care and have a good day.
You'll find here not just little support and inspiration, but huge amount of support, encouragement and useful information.
As of the lack of courage, it is that nasty voice convinces you that you lack it. You have your courage, and the more you practice it, the more it increases. Just give it a try, make baby steps and you'll be surprised.
Take care and have a good day.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: London
Posts: 1,010
Hi Cor & a warm welcome from me too. I am changing and this forum helps me with that change but can't change me if you know what I mean.
It's a great place for objective advice. Without exception everyone in my life has their own ideas/agenda for my sobriety. The only voice I'm listening to is myself right now. And then of course the objective advice from friends here who can see through the waffle to the real issues.
If you feel it's time to quit, you are feeling hat for a reason so give it a go one day/hour/minute at a time. Just don't pick up if you feel dreadful or marvellous. It's a process, I've discovered and I pray that I can do this without too many/any slips
Nice to meet you
S x
It's a great place for objective advice. Without exception everyone in my life has their own ideas/agenda for my sobriety. The only voice I'm listening to is myself right now. And then of course the objective advice from friends here who can see through the waffle to the real issues.
If you feel it's time to quit, you are feeling hat for a reason so give it a go one day/hour/minute at a time. Just don't pick up if you feel dreadful or marvellous. It's a process, I've discovered and I pray that I can do this without too many/any slips
Nice to meet you
S x
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,068
Hi Cor and a huge welcome to SR
I was a binge drinker for over 10 years and each time I thought willpower alone would see me through. With the help of this forum and AA I'm now almost 8 months sober but better still alot more content, less anxious..........and so much more.
Wish you well on your sober journey. We're all here to help.
I was a binge drinker for over 10 years and each time I thought willpower alone would see me through. With the help of this forum and AA I'm now almost 8 months sober but better still alot more content, less anxious..........and so much more.
Wish you well on your sober journey. We're all here to help.
Call Me "Cor"
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Georgia, US
Posts: 15
Midnight, the Russian language is, to me, the most beautiful language in the world. Swedish is second. I'm learning it. I was inspired by a Ukrainian friend to learn Russian. I feel I simply have to have a motivation to learn the language I'm going to speak. If I'm going to speak it, it must be to another person. Unfortunately what I learned was mostly profanity. Pancakes are mild.
Sazzle, I know what you mean. Listen to yourself, love.
Sazzle, I know what you mean. Listen to yourself, love.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Cor alcohol misuses our emotional system against us. I am convinced that we have to regain our mastery of our emotions and wrest them away from alcohol. The emotions I was feeling were under the mastery of my addicted state. It takes a while to turn it around, but it starts with a personal understanding.
The addicted part of you needs you to to feel scared of a life without alcohol.
The addicted part of you needs you to to feel scared of a life without alcohol.
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