Sazzle

After work I met my friend and we walked 3 miles to a 'newcomers' AA meeting. During the break newbies were encouraged to speak to recovered alcoholics. Well, one man pounced on me and asked if I knew what an alcoholic was.

I explained I did, and that I was one and it was my 2nd meeting. He told me I didn't look like an alcoholic and they can be described as people who drink all day every day and are powerless over alcohol.

I politely said that I may look well put together but I AM an alcoholic. I'd tried moderation for 18 months and it was more unsuccessful than not. I nearly asked him if he'd like me to go away and come back when I had lost my job and friends. But instead, I said 'are you testing me?'

I thought it was friends and family that try and convince you you're not an alcoholic, not the people that you have built up the courage to seek help from!

When it came to sharing I told then all that it was my 1st Friday in 15 years that I hadn't drunk after work with colleagues. Everyone was pleased for me. I spoke to a few people after and they said that this guy was a self righteous jerk.

I can honestly say, that if this had been my 1st AA meet I wouldn't have gone back. What a complete contrast to yesterday's welcome.

Proud if myself and signing out on day 7!

S x

Jen31

Wow. Some people are truely unbelievable. Good for you, for keeping your cool and GREAT FOR YOU on day seven!!

Dee74

If I've learned one thing it's that people can sometimes be 'horses patoots' - me included

good for you for knowing what you are Sazzle

D

Thepatman

God stuff on keeping sober. Yeah I can imagine your conversation with the guy. LOL!
Stay here, let me get a DUI or kill someone with my car and I'll be right back. LOL!

Hevyn

We are proud of you, Sazzle. That person was beyond belief. SO not helpful!

MegTheRunner

What an A-hole. Sorry to hear.

Sazzle

I think he thought I was there to just look at freaks in a zoo. He said 'you may not come back. You may decide you're not an alcoholic, but a problem drinker'. WTF it's a progressive disease and I'm trying to sort myself out before rock bottom. I've already had some pretty hairy moments!

Lol at the be right back, I'll go get a DUI for you so I qualify!

I'm not surprised people do abandon that class if he is the first person a new joiner speaks to!

Glad you're all as shocked as I was. I was beginning to think maybe I don't need this? (My AV just needs that kind if excuse!)

Cascabel

I encountered a guy like this at my first, and last, AA meeting. The only difference with your experience was that none of the others at the meeting I attended said anything to mitigate the guy's boorish behavior. Fortunately, I have managed to stay sober so far without AA.

I posted about my experience here and basically was told that I should ignore it and find another group; that AA is a good organization and my encountering one jerk should not sour me on the idea of AA. Well, there was more to it than just this guy but I did decide that AA was not for me. It is a good organization that helps a lot of people but, sadly, is not quite to my taste.

I'll say the same thing that I was told here: don't let one jerk make you stay away from AA. Staying sober is worth having to deal with a whole herd of jerks.

MegTheRunner

I think some are so miserable that they forget how to treat others... not that it's an excuse for his actions. And perhaps the guy has been misinformed since the beginning. Whatever the reason it's too bad because you're right, he could push away newcomers who already have enough anxiety/issues with going to A.A. in the 1st place. It's crap like that which makes me come here instead of going to a meeting.

WantToHeal

Step 1 says: "WE admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that OUR lives had become unmanageable". (Emphasis added)

The wording makes it clear that it is a personal realization and admission, not a community one. Not "someone told me I was powerless over alcohol". Not "the voting came in and the results say my life has become unmanageable".

Good on you for recognizing that and keeping your cool! Keep coming back, it works if you work it! :-)

Threshold

I used to get the same sort of thing in NA from time to time, as if I was stealing a seat that belonged to a "real" addict, or as if I couldn't get recovery because I wasn't low enough yet, and you have to be low enough in order to be willing to go to any lengths.

I found that sort of confrontation and commentary on my degree of addiction messed with my mind.

I chose to speak of my addiction experience without sharing details of how, when, where, what and how much I used. Level the playing field.

I was honest about my feelings, thoughts, fear and how my experiences affected me, I just left out the specific details. I also did this because I know I found "tell all" shares to be triggering.

Funny thing, here on SR I don't have any triggering issues when people describe their drinking habits, situations and experiences UNTIL I read a post where someone directly states a specific type of booze. Like a brand name, type of wine, etc. That's just my personal sensitivity for some reason. It gets my mind working and gets me thinking more about drinking and less about recovery.

Looking back I wonder if, when someone asked me if I was sure I belonged there, I should have said "are you sure I don't?"

choublak

You'll encounter some sick people in the rooms.

FenwayFaithful

I think some people are jealous that other find sobriety earlier in life or before they hit as low of a bottom. I've encountered one or two but for each one of those I've found 10 people who are encouraging and positive. I try not to let one person's sour attitude poison my feelings for an entire group. I'm sorry for your experience tho, sounds like this man does no belong in a newcomers meeting at the very least.

Sazzle

Thanks again guys. You have all pity mind at ease.

I'm very proud of myself for not truly questioning my purpose for being there. One man in the room said he had already accepted step 1 as he had walked into a meeting. He sain 'why else would anyone without a problem walk into a meeting? For fun? When they could be out drinking'. I'm now wondering if Theo's greeter had also grilled him.

My friend doesn't want to go back to that class next week but I said we bloomin are! We should get to as many as possible and it did give us something to laugh about afterwards. My friend shared and this man was giving her advice and obviously accepted her as having problems. We are exactly the same, same issues, patterns, behaviours, beliefs around alcohol yet she is obviously more qualified as she had suffered a complete breakdown.

Seeing my friend going through such a terrible time was also a wake up call for me. It could have honestly been me as we were drinking buddies which led to drug snide too.

I know you have to also learn from your own mistakes but my mistake was not seeking help sooner when she did. I've learnt from that now.

I'm sorry for those of you who have an countered mr 'I'm more worthy of being here than you'. I'm greatful it was NOT my first class as his behaviour would have sent me straight to the arms of my friends waiting in the nearest bar.

I've written down my feelings and I will use it as a share if ever there are new people about.

I'm also ready to confront anyone else like this and challenge them.

I'm very grateful for the 10 or so lovely, warm, understanding people I've met in the last 2 days.

Thanks again. Sazzle, waking up happy and proud in day 8 (woot woot one week under my belt) x

corneille

Anyone wanting to provoke a sober person is ill. I was never aware alcoholism had one face and one face only. Congrats on resisting him.

Eddiebuckle

Congratulations Sazzle!

One suggestion that is made in the rooms is to pay attention to the folks who seem to have what you want. Stick with the winners, that guy surely is not.

AA is actually pretty simple:

• don't drink
• go to meetings
• get a sponsor
• work the steps
• don't give up before the miracle happens

Good luck & congratulations on 8 days!

Sazzle

Eddie I'm going to choose my sponsor wisely!!

S x

sugarbear1

There are all kinds of people in an AA meeting.

Do what you need to do to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.

Keep coming back~

MIRecovery

I am a big time AA supporter and what you went through is a bunch of crap. One thing you have to remember is you are dealing with a bunch of alcoholics and even some of the sober ones are still very broke. If that ever comes up again say, "Do you know what the 3rd tradition is?" The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking. Say, "Well I desire to stop drinking. Do you have a problem with that?"

FamilyMan2153

I really like AA as well and have been to 10-12 different places. I have encountered people like you did. It sucks but I know what I am and knew way before I went in the rooms recently. I met a few that think they "own" AA. I think they may want to read the 12 traditions again. I am 66 days sober. No sponsor yet but like you I will pick wisely and am getting close. Good luck to you.