Not sure i want a sponsor
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Dan23: You're probably right. "You" don't "want" a sponsor. But maybe for a moment think about this. Who is the "you" who is talking? Is it the addicted "you"? If there's something in your brain saying that "you" don't "want" a sponsor, could it be that same part of your brain that's been telling you that "you" want a drink, that "you" need (or "deserve") just one? What I'm suggesting is that this recovery business is tricky stuff! And it's best not to trust yourself.
No one's requiring you to have a sponsor. Some folks have got well without one. But it may better your odds in the long run if you can find someone congenial, knowledgeable and friendly who can help you in moments of need without trying to take over your life. You need your space but trying to get sober on your own could be lonely and maybe even risky. Haven't you been lonely enough already?
So you make the decision. And even if you decide not to have a sponsor right now there's no need to burn any bridges. Keep your options open. Good luck
W.
No one's requiring you to have a sponsor. Some folks have got well without one. But it may better your odds in the long run if you can find someone congenial, knowledgeable and friendly who can help you in moments of need without trying to take over your life. You need your space but trying to get sober on your own could be lonely and maybe even risky. Haven't you been lonely enough already?
So you make the decision. And even if you decide not to have a sponsor right now there's no need to burn any bridges. Keep your options open. Good luck
W.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Hey Itchy! You said, "I never relapsed and have over two tears, so I am newly recovered."
Is that a Freudian slip, i.e. "tears" instead of "years"? If so then I can really identify with that since I've had lots and lots of "tears" over the years! But since you've got two years of recovery behind you (hey! congratulations on that!) maybe there are no more tears and lots of sunshine in your life. I have a few down moments, a bout of depression now and then. But I haven't had a drink for 24 years and can handle stuff which in the old days would have put me in the hospital. And now I take so much blood pressure medicine that I'm confident that if I started drinking I'd be checking out for good!
W.
Is that a Freudian slip, i.e. "tears" instead of "years"? If so then I can really identify with that since I've had lots and lots of "tears" over the years! But since you've got two years of recovery behind you (hey! congratulations on that!) maybe there are no more tears and lots of sunshine in your life. I have a few down moments, a bout of depression now and then. But I haven't had a drink for 24 years and can handle stuff which in the old days would have put me in the hospital. And now I take so much blood pressure medicine that I'm confident that if I started drinking I'd be checking out for good!
W.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
My sponsor was used in my recovery
program for guidance and support. I
followed her examples of her own recovery
because she like many had what I wanted.
Happiness......Joy.......Freedom
I too dont like to be close to others because
of lack of trust and being hurt too many times.
So, I kept my distance with her at many safe
miles. I dont need to be buddy buddy with others
because I am comfortable being with me. I also
dont need to air out my dirty laundry so to speak
for the world to know, but I am as honest as I possibly
can be to them reguarding my recovery program
in order to remain sober.
Today, i use the fellowship of recovery as my
support system sharing my own experiences,
strengths and hopes of what it was like before,
during and after alcohol. My personal life is at
home with my husband where it should be.
program for guidance and support. I
followed her examples of her own recovery
because she like many had what I wanted.
Happiness......Joy.......Freedom
I too dont like to be close to others because
of lack of trust and being hurt too many times.
So, I kept my distance with her at many safe
miles. I dont need to be buddy buddy with others
because I am comfortable being with me. I also
dont need to air out my dirty laundry so to speak
for the world to know, but I am as honest as I possibly
can be to them reguarding my recovery program
in order to remain sober.
Today, i use the fellowship of recovery as my
support system sharing my own experiences,
strengths and hopes of what it was like before,
during and after alcohol. My personal life is at
home with my husband where it should be.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
dan, good on ya for gettin to AA.
i can fully relate. i had some pretty big fear of opening up to aonyone.pretty strange as when i was drunk, i could ramble on and on about what was rattling between my ears.
it all had to do with pride, ego, and self esteem.
it took time for people to earn my trust just as it took time for me to earnt heir trust. 7+ years in and i only have a hanful of people i will talk about what is goin on in my melon, but i know that it was my thinkin that got me itno AA and my thinkin wasnt gonna help me get sober, so i had to get some courage and take a leap of faith.
yup, i got hurt. there are some sick poeple in AA and took what i confided in them and spread it around. thats how i leanred who was really practicing the principles in all of thir affairs.
i have since leanred that them people that do that are really few. i stay away from them.
please keep goiun back.
we may niot have it all together
but together we have it all.
i can fully relate. i had some pretty big fear of opening up to aonyone.pretty strange as when i was drunk, i could ramble on and on about what was rattling between my ears.
it all had to do with pride, ego, and self esteem.
it took time for people to earn my trust just as it took time for me to earnt heir trust. 7+ years in and i only have a hanful of people i will talk about what is goin on in my melon, but i know that it was my thinkin that got me itno AA and my thinkin wasnt gonna help me get sober, so i had to get some courage and take a leap of faith.
yup, i got hurt. there are some sick poeple in AA and took what i confided in them and spread it around. thats how i leanred who was really practicing the principles in all of thir affairs.
i have since leanred that them people that do that are really few. i stay away from them.
please keep goiun back.
we may niot have it all together
but together we have it all.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
W., Good catch! Thanks for pointing that out. It was a typo. I use my Galaxy tablet a lot now even though I can't type on it without going to the trouble of setting up the wireless keyboard which defeats the ease of use as I might as well, like now, just boot my desktop.
I feel about the same as you do. Right now it is like I was never an alcoholic. Before everybody jumps on that, I also will never take a drink or smoke again, don't miss either, don't feel deprived or left out.
I know all it would take is one drink or smoke to imprison myself in my addictions again, and that no matter how long I am sober I will never be a normie again, if I ever was.
I am a non-drinker and non-smoker. I don't want to be around drinkers and smokers! There is nothing for me to miss, or miss out on. I get normally sad sometimes when sad things happen. I get angry. I experience depths of love given and received, typical and Agape. I am an axe hole sometimes and can say sorry when I am. Most have been with me for years and decades and we usually just wait on each other for a minute or a day whatever it takes for the other to get their rectalcephalectomy and say sorry so we can say fageddaboutit!
My life is as happy and sad as it can be, and I feel it, and love that. I have enough.
I can see your point Bill, I too have my t-shirt of life and it has the tears of years stained all over it. It is also stained with many years of icing on the cakes! It has foreign soil, the depths of the ocean, the heights of the Alps and Rockies, and the marks of resistant vests and powder burns. Only I can see the stains, they are always invisible to others aren't they? Big smile when I see them.
Good to see you bud!
We now return you to your regular programming.
I feel about the same as you do. Right now it is like I was never an alcoholic. Before everybody jumps on that, I also will never take a drink or smoke again, don't miss either, don't feel deprived or left out.
I know all it would take is one drink or smoke to imprison myself in my addictions again, and that no matter how long I am sober I will never be a normie again, if I ever was.
I am a non-drinker and non-smoker. I don't want to be around drinkers and smokers! There is nothing for me to miss, or miss out on. I get normally sad sometimes when sad things happen. I get angry. I experience depths of love given and received, typical and Agape. I am an axe hole sometimes and can say sorry when I am. Most have been with me for years and decades and we usually just wait on each other for a minute or a day whatever it takes for the other to get their rectalcephalectomy and say sorry so we can say fageddaboutit!
My life is as happy and sad as it can be, and I feel it, and love that. I have enough.
I can see your point Bill, I too have my t-shirt of life and it has the tears of years stained all over it. It is also stained with many years of icing on the cakes! It has foreign soil, the depths of the ocean, the heights of the Alps and Rockies, and the marks of resistant vests and powder burns. Only I can see the stains, they are always invisible to others aren't they? Big smile when I see them.
Good to see you bud!
We now return you to your regular programming.
Recovered
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 1,129
The big book talks about when we need to be talking to another person about our step-work. It also talks about "cafeteria" style recovery. AA is not for everyone. There are many roads to the same end out there. I wish your luck on yours!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 143
Dan,
I've got almost 11 months of sobriety - and nicotine-free sobriety too - as I quit smokes at the same time. I stopped by entering an inpatient AA-based detox/rehab facility for 3 weeks. Continued working the steps with an AA sponsor for about 3 months. For many reasons that are not important in this thread, I left AA and became very interested in AVRT and secular recovery.
My committment and strength as a recovered alcoholic soared after leaving AA - for me - taking my power over alcohol (and cigarettes, pot, pills, etc) back was what worked for me. Powerlessness did not work for me. Powerfull, strong and taking life by the sober horns did!
I am thankful and greateful for my new sober life - I LOVE being sober. I am happy, energetic, engaged in life and my family, work and dogs. At 52 years young, I am finally growing up!
Many strokes for many folks - find your road - and work it.
Best wishes,
Pam
I've got almost 11 months of sobriety - and nicotine-free sobriety too - as I quit smokes at the same time. I stopped by entering an inpatient AA-based detox/rehab facility for 3 weeks. Continued working the steps with an AA sponsor for about 3 months. For many reasons that are not important in this thread, I left AA and became very interested in AVRT and secular recovery.
My committment and strength as a recovered alcoholic soared after leaving AA - for me - taking my power over alcohol (and cigarettes, pot, pills, etc) back was what worked for me. Powerlessness did not work for me. Powerfull, strong and taking life by the sober horns did!
I am thankful and greateful for my new sober life - I LOVE being sober. I am happy, energetic, engaged in life and my family, work and dogs. At 52 years young, I am finally growing up!
Many strokes for many folks - find your road - and work it.
Best wishes,
Pam
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Dan, as you started this thread about not being sure you wanted a sponsor after having relapsed, I hope you find someone to speak with who supports you and helps guide you to being sober. If AA works for you, it's great, but many times you have to try different paths before you can find what fits.
like you, I would not feel comfortable discussing my life with someone and needed another way. As long as you have picked yourself up and are keeping with the original plan to stop drinking, it's all good. no one is perfect and we've all been there. when i first joined SR, my big goal was to stay sober for 10 or 11 days....i relapsed slipped and finally got it right. i think i am at 17 months, i dont count anymore, it stresses me out. i did not follow any formal program except to be grateful every day, even when i did nheot want to be. i connect with others and i try to be a better person in real life. I enjoy being sober.
like you, I would not feel comfortable discussing my life with someone and needed another way. As long as you have picked yourself up and are keeping with the original plan to stop drinking, it's all good. no one is perfect and we've all been there. when i first joined SR, my big goal was to stay sober for 10 or 11 days....i relapsed slipped and finally got it right. i think i am at 17 months, i dont count anymore, it stresses me out. i did not follow any formal program except to be grateful every day, even when i did nheot want to be. i connect with others and i try to be a better person in real life. I enjoy being sober.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Itchy:
It's nice to hear such fine words from you. I don't know about you but alcohol has sure given me a sea of troubles for so many years. Life itself is hard sometimes (nearly all in my original family are dead now and many of my friends are dead; since 1986 I've lost four dogs- don't laugh- losing a dog is a big, big thing for me!) My wife and I have some of the health problems which come with age and if I were drinking now my life would be really impossible. So I'm glad I don't drink, and don't want to drink. I don't mind being with others who drink but don't like bars or restaurants with drunk or noisy folk. I don't envy them. I just don't like to be with them when they make all that commotion.
It's blowing hard up here in Massachusetts so I guess I'll stay indoors with the dog. Keeps me real busy playing with his toys.
Oh I guess we should be talking about sponsors. It should be crystal clear that if my dog isn't my sponsor, at least he's my higher power. And he thinks he's my sponsor for sure!
W.
It's nice to hear such fine words from you. I don't know about you but alcohol has sure given me a sea of troubles for so many years. Life itself is hard sometimes (nearly all in my original family are dead now and many of my friends are dead; since 1986 I've lost four dogs- don't laugh- losing a dog is a big, big thing for me!) My wife and I have some of the health problems which come with age and if I were drinking now my life would be really impossible. So I'm glad I don't drink, and don't want to drink. I don't mind being with others who drink but don't like bars or restaurants with drunk or noisy folk. I don't envy them. I just don't like to be with them when they make all that commotion.
It's blowing hard up here in Massachusetts so I guess I'll stay indoors with the dog. Keeps me real busy playing with his toys.
Oh I guess we should be talking about sponsors. It should be crystal clear that if my dog isn't my sponsor, at least he's my higher power. And he thinks he's my sponsor for sure!
W.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Originally Posted by wpainterw 
Itchy:
Oh I guess we should be talking about sponsors. It should be crystal clear that if my dog isn't my sponsor, at least he's my higher power. And he thinks he's my sponsor for sure!
W.
Oh I guess we should be talking about sponsors. It should be crystal clear that if my dog isn't my sponsor, at least he's my higher power. And he thinks he's my sponsor for sure!
W.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Bill! I could not have said it better if I were a professor of lit! 
grouphug:
Bill I guess the thumpers of both persuasions have stopped, and the topic is over so I will digress a bit too with you. I have pups and know perzactly what you mean. And I am having a bit of the health issues too, and too chicken to do the vertebrae removal surgery that is programmed for whenever I say go. I am not an atheist, but will not do religions either. And I have lost and put to sleep more than my share of pups, and unlike many, they are here from birth to life, they are not disposable because of the rules of others against dogs, my pups are my furkids. Cats I can do without. but not my canine kids.
grouphug:Bill I guess the thumpers of both persuasions have stopped, and the topic is over so I will digress a bit too with you. I have pups and know perzactly what you mean. And I am having a bit of the health issues too, and too chicken to do the vertebrae removal surgery that is programmed for whenever I say go. I am not an atheist, but will not do religions either. And I have lost and put to sleep more than my share of pups, and unlike many, they are here from birth to life, they are not disposable because of the rules of others against dogs, my pups are my furkids. Cats I can do without. but not my canine kids.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
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Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Anna! Thank you! Me and Bill were just doing some comic relief and dogs and philosophies which we continue in PMs the length of which are only exceeded by your astute recognition of perzactly when to intervene, which I have seen twice today!
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