Sapling

I'm sure you can find one...Sounds to me like you have steps one through three pretty down...You're like me...When I picked my sponsor...I told him I was ready to start writing inventory...Step four.....And that's what I did. I haven't had a drink in 16 months...and I was a hopeless drunk. Step one is the only step we have to get 100% right. We don't drink no matter what....For me...To drink...Is to die.

jennikate

I agree. It's ok to swallow your pride and go back. It wasn't until I was completly broken and admitted it at AA that the healing began. It sounds corny but I really believe that I was given the gift of desperation. Without that low I never would have gotten to the place I am now.

Sapling

That doesn't sound corny to me at all....I think that's the greatest gift I was ever given.

FreeFall

BlueEyedBoy I'm so sorry for the loss of your best friend. What a tragedy for everyone involved. I don't do AA but from everything I've read here you don't need to feel ashamed to go back-people will understand and help you. I think that staying sober is a way to honor your friend-it's something he supported and wanted for you. I have this belief that people that love you stay with you spiritually even when they pass on, may you feel his presence when you are feeling lonely, angry, and down. Sending prayers to you, and to the driver who didn't find sobriety and will have to live with that horror forever.

Itchy

What would your friend be telling you from where he is now, if you could hear it?

Delilah1

First, I am so sorry for your loss. That is a terrible thing and any one of us would need help getting through it. The fact that you are on here shows that you want to stop drinking again.

Your friend was proud of you for being strong enough to overcome a very difficult addiction. Find that inner strength (it is still there) and do this for yourself. I will be thinking about you. Keep posting and reading. Hopefully you have some family and friends to help you through this ordeal.

I know I have had more day ones than I would like, but they are in my last, can't change them, but I can move forward making positive choices, and I know you can too!!

escapist

I read about other methods to achieving sobriety. AA isn't the only show in town. I am sorry you are grieving and I am sorry that your AA sponser betrayed your trust. I have had some similar experiences. I had a boyfriend die from a massive heart attack while lying next to me. I drank from morning to pass out time at night. I just could'nt drink the memory of his face away. I had an AA sponser who tried to re-define our relationship too. You can stop drinking. Don't allow painful experiences consume you.

MIRecovery

You are just joining the winning side you are not defeated!