Weasel1966

I have what I think is a good sponsor. But when the weekends come he is not around. I left my check message yesterday and no return call of any kind. Not even a text confirming he knew I called.

The weekends are the worst time for me. We have discussed it a lot. I would think he might communicate more.

My question.... Is the line of communication typically only from me to him? Does a sponsor call ever to see what's going on?

Before I hear all about how they have a life, blah blah blah I am not asking about obligation. Just simply about customary direction of communication.

BTW... I am doing just fine without him. It's only me to do this anyway... Not him.

quitforme79

I find the same thing weasel. Last night I was struggling and called mine again because she hadn't called me back and she picked up. Idk if others have different experiences...

Vall

Hello there Ken,

I am sorry that I don't know the answer to your question but can I ask you one though please - can you have more than one sponsor? Does it have to be someone who is a recovering alcoholic?

(ok so that's 2 :>)

pipparina

K-

all sponsors operate differently, so it see how this guy works. I've had sponsors that would call me if they didn't hear from me, others that would never call back (to try to discipline me that it was my job to call them, not them to call me). Some were not available much, others were always there.
I went through a few sponsors in the beginning to find one that worked for me. In my opinion, if your sponsor knows that weekends are tough for you, he should be in touch. Things happen, but if this is a pattern you see from him, I'd talk to him about it.

Also, I was told you can have more than one sponsor. I guess one that you would work the steps with, but another that you could call upon as well.

Weasel1966

Great P thanks for the answers.

It would be this guys m.o. To want to discipline me. He's a small thinker that way and level communication for him is tough. But he's a nice guy and knows the program. I am learning more than expected.

Have a great day!

K

Mark75

There is a 12 step support section and it would be a GREAT place to come and discuss this.

Expand your support group at your home group meeting and there will be that many more people you can call... do you have any other numbers?

IDK why your sponsor is going incommunicado on the weekends, , but if you need to PM me and I'm online here at the forum, I'd be happy to (try) help. Or not, don't feel pressured or obligated.

I'm going to rotate some tires on my 4 runner... I'll check back later.

Natom

Like pipparina has said everyones sponsor operates differently. Mine never calls me. I call him. He will always ring back or text if he hasn't answered. It's best chatting about what kind of communication you expect with your sponsor though.

Weasel1966

Thanks! And I want to correct something. I used the phrase small minded. That makes me sound like an ass. I mean he is single minded in approach. I respect his way of doing things as everyone's else's.

Thanks everyone for the offers of support. I will be sure to reach out if needed.

I am making chicken soup still all afternoon. Not going to a meeting because of my cold and fever. But doing well. No issues to speak of.

K

DoubleBarrel

Be wary of any sponsor. They are recovering addicts like you are.
They might be felons, rapists, whatever.

The only "disease" that requires another person with that disease to treat it is AA prescribed.

There are some GREAT sponsors. But they are all addicts. Proceed with caution.

tomsteve

you do have phone numbers of others, right? you can call others,too, ya know. just to say high or talk about whats up with ya. thats how it works. we

sugarbear1

A network of people helps me. Some days I could make 20 calls and everyone is busy or not available. Keep calling people. Prayer and meditation help, too!

My sponsor and I set ground rules, so I know what to expect.

Freedom1990

You hit the nail on the head for me, tomsteve.

I have a call list of numbers beside my computer.

Then there have been times that the only thing between me and that drink was my higher power.

Weasel1966

Appreciate all the feedback. I have plenty of numbers if I need it. But the questions was just about the typical communications between the sponsor and sponsee.

DB . ... Point take. There are a lot of crazies in the world. And your feelings on AA are noted and I can share some of the same sentiment. But I have also let down some walls I long had for myself. I need the networking part of AA. I was doing good but not good enough. Since going I am doing it all the way.

Anyway.... If someone has to be the crazy addict I would prefer it to be me. There are less expectations placed on crazy people.

K

FreeFall

Ken, sorry you're sick! Hope you feel better soon! I'm making chicken soup too...

I feel your sponsor should be aware that Sunday is your hardest day and be available, just my opinion. I have no idea how the sponsor thing works though...

You do have all of us "mini sponsors" here for you though, so use SR when the going gets tough and yours isn't around!! Do you know I think of you every Sunday and hope for the best for you? I bet there are a lot of us doing that

Weasel1966

FF.... You are awesome!

Well AA is helping me. I left a second unanswered message about an hour ago. I don't require a call I suppose. The fact I asked for help. The knowledge of my weaknesses and how to handle them. That's enough for me to kick myself in the ass and do the right thing.

Lets have a soup off! Lol

Ken is sober on a Sunday. I am enjoying things so much. SR and my friends like you here just adds to it all.

DoubleBarrel

Don't get me wrong, I go to meetings and take what I need from them. But no one there ever says, hey, this is not necessarily a perfect program, and being let down by a sponsor can potentially lead to relapse.

There are a LOT of valuable things you can learn from people who have been there, done that, and there are some good coping skills you can learn from AA.

Just didn't want it to seem like Im totally negative on it, just not a "true believer" I guess.

jennikate

My sponsor and I communicate back and forth regularly. But we're very good friends at this point too so that might make a difference. Actually, though, when I think about it, I know she would answer or call back day or night. I don't need her in off hours but I like knowing she's there.

Elisabeth888

I always call her every day, but if she doesn't answer and I leave a message, she calls me back.

That would irk me if she did not return my calls. I know she has a life, but it is polite to return phone calls.

Daisypetal

When I first started out in AA, I chose a few sponsors who turned out to be awful - for me. They had other sponsees who loved them though.

I learned over time that all sponsors are different. Some call, some don't. Some are very adamant when it comes to different areas (going to a certain number of meetings, going to a specific meeting, working through the steps), some are more relaxed. Some are more religious based in their programs while others aren't, etc.

I realized I needed to find the right sponsor for me. It took quite a while, but I'm grateful I didn't let the few "bad" sponsors turn me off from the program. I personally wanted a sponsor that initiated contact with me as well. For me, being the one to always have to call (otherwise never hearing from the sponsor), made me feel like a pest to that person - quite likely not a true assessment, but still I felt that way. And I'll admit, not having any real friends in sobriety, I liked having someone call me to say "what's up? How ya doing?".

I never did, but I know others who have gotten a "temporary" sponsor (or a few)...to sort of fill in while they looked for a sponsor that they really felt connected with. I do know that for me, finding the right sponsor was crucial; and that you'll find the right one for you.

FreeFall

How goes it Ken? Inquiring minds want to know Hopefully you're peacefully sleeping full of chicken soup...