Update on Moderate Drinking
Clear Eyes Full Heart
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
Zimmy, it is a good thing that you spent most of the week sober, and it sounds like that's a big change so congrats for that. I can't tell you how many times over the years I tried to moderate, only drink on weekends or special occasions and failed miserably.
I think your remark about celebrating sobriety by having a few just came across as kind of flip and it might rub people the wrong way. It's a matter of life and death for many, so hearing someone treat it so lightly is jarring. I'm sure you didn't mean it that way.
Like people have said, you'll find out soon enough if you can moderate successfully. If you can, you may not need a place like SR at all. Just based on your admission that you drank every day for 3 years I think you are in the right place. We all have had the pipe dream of being able to drink "normally". Then we wake up. Often not remembering, sick as a dog, and loathing ourselves. I don't wish that for anyone!
I think your remark about celebrating sobriety by having a few just came across as kind of flip and it might rub people the wrong way. It's a matter of life and death for many, so hearing someone treat it so lightly is jarring. I'm sure you didn't mean it that way.
Like people have said, you'll find out soon enough if you can moderate successfully. If you can, you may not need a place like SR at all. Just based on your admission that you drank every day for 3 years I think you are in the right place. We all have had the pipe dream of being able to drink "normally". Then we wake up. Often not remembering, sick as a dog, and loathing ourselves. I don't wish that for anyone!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 34
Originally Posted by hypochondriac 
I think it's great that you are controlling your drinking Zimmy but what you are doing is the holy grail for most alcoholics. Most of us have tried and failed at what you're doing. So yeah, it is probably gonna trigger some of us on here. It did me a bit. What you're doing has nothing to do with sobriety. Most of us here are not trying to control our addiction, that's kind of the point of being sober. I'm sure you will be fine with what you're doing though. Loads of people control their drinking every day. They must do otherwise everyone'd be an alcoholic. Good luck to you x
I know this doesn't sound like sobriety to some but it is to me. Yes I feel much better waking up with a clear head and lack of guilt/shame.
This is a test. If I can't maintain moderation that I need to quit completely. That's my motivation. I like beer and want to still enjoy a few per week if possible.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
In AA, if you are not sure if you are alcoholic, the thing to do is go out and try some controlled drinking... So, hell, I can recommend it to someone such as yourself. If you find you can not moderate, you know where you can come, here to SR, and/or AA, and/or AVRT ...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
That's great Zimmy. I just think your post is potentially damaging to newly sober people who even though they can't imagine life without alcohol have no choice but to not drink. It is life and death for some of us.
Have you looked into any recovery stuff so you can learn about addiction. AVRT or SMART? I'm re reading Allan Carr's book at the moment Easyway to stop drinking but he has done one called Easyway to control your drinking too which might be more up your alley. I read that one many years ago before I was ready to accept my problem. I hope you end up in a better place than I did x
Have you looked into any recovery stuff so you can learn about addiction. AVRT or SMART? I'm re reading Allan Carr's book at the moment Easyway to stop drinking but he has done one called Easyway to control your drinking too which might be more up your alley. I read that one many years ago before I was ready to accept my problem. I hope you end up in a better place than I did x
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Hi Zimmy,
First, welcome to SR. I have tried the moderation thing many times, and would always be so proud if I went a few days, I found it easy to convince myself that I didn't have a problem. I would go a few days and then decide I could have one glass of wine a night nd that would be fine. I also tried waiting until the weekend, which I felt I had earned.
For me both of these led me to way too much alcohol again. My one glass grew to one bottle (and not a small bottle). I am only on my fourth day but taking it seriously this time. I met with my doctor and a counselor, and have also gone to meetings. It is hard.
I wish you all the best!
First, welcome to SR. I have tried the moderation thing many times, and would always be so proud if I went a few days, I found it easy to convince myself that I didn't have a problem. I would go a few days and then decide I could have one glass of wine a night nd that would be fine. I also tried waiting until the weekend, which I felt I had earned.
For me both of these led me to way too much alcohol again. My one glass grew to one bottle (and not a small bottle). I am only on my fourth day but taking it seriously this time. I met with my doctor and a counselor, and have also gone to meetings. It is hard.
I wish you all the best!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 34
Originally Posted by justhadenough
Celebrating sobriety by drinking a few makes no sense.
Sobriety is drinking nothing.
Sobriety is drinking nothing.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,511
Zimmy,
Please understand that for many of us here NOT drinking AT ALL is a matter of life and death. It would be a good idea for you to keep that in mind and respect the feelings of the members by not posting about celebrating by drinking.
If you are able to moderate your drinking, that would be good, however, please know that most of us here cannot.
Please understand that for many of us here NOT drinking AT ALL is a matter of life and death. It would be a good idea for you to keep that in mind and respect the feelings of the members by not posting about celebrating by drinking.
If you are able to moderate your drinking, that would be good, however, please know that most of us here cannot.
Recovered from Hopeless State
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Jersey, USA
Posts: 2,156
We've all tried moderation and found it didn't work for us. We're alcoholics. AA also says: "If you want to drink, that's your business. If you can't stop, that's AA business.
I find SR to be a great extension of AA. I can log-in here and get help any time I want. I can also help others. That's what AA is all about. AA'ers will tell you it's a selfish program. It is. I can only help myself by helping others.
I find SR to be a great extension of AA. I can log-in here and get help any time I want. I can also help others. That's what AA is all about. AA'ers will tell you it's a selfish program. It is. I can only help myself by helping others.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,145
Zimmy... your life is your life and of course it is up to you how you go about this. Saying that you celebrate sobriety by having a few drinks is strange, and I'm sorry to sound harsh but it doesn't make any sense to us. There's a reason for that: we changed our ways and are proud of our sobriety, and will do absolutely anything to keep our sobriety intact. We celebrate sobriety by being sober.
I'm not doubting that drinking twice a week is better than drinking every day - at least you are not drinking as much as previously. However, through reading these boards and reading about alcoholism... I've come to understand that generally, the ability to moderate for long periods of time doesn't seem something that many alcoholics have.
Wishing you the best of luck regardless x
I'm not doubting that drinking twice a week is better than drinking every day - at least you are not drinking as much as previously. However, through reading these boards and reading about alcoholism... I've come to understand that generally, the ability to moderate for long periods of time doesn't seem something that many alcoholics have.
Wishing you the best of luck regardless x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 34
Originally Posted by Anna
Zimmy,
Please understand that for many of us here NOT drinking AT ALL is a matter of life and death. It would be a good idea for you to keep that in mind and respect the feelings of the members by not posting about celebrating by drinking.
If you are able to moderate your drinking, that would be good, however, please know that most of us here cannot.
Please understand that for many of us here NOT drinking AT ALL is a matter of life and death. It would be a good idea for you to keep that in mind and respect the feelings of the members by not posting about celebrating by drinking.
If you are able to moderate your drinking, that would be good, however, please know that most of us here cannot.
If I can go from a daily drinker to 6 pints and 5 days of sobriety per week, I consider that a success. It's not easy to stay sober. I wanted to have a few yesterday but fought the urge.
Recovered from Hopeless State
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Jersey, USA
Posts: 2,156
I just reread you last post again Zimmy. Conratulations on your accompishment. Just ry to understand that if you are alcohilc, it won't stop there. It will get much, much worse. We want to help you, and everyone around you, avoid the pain and suffering many of us have been through. Drinking may seem fun to you know, it was for us at one time. But we found later that alcohol's effects on an alcoholic are devastating.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 34
Originally Posted by Anna
Drinking two days a week is not staying sober.
We are about abstinence and changing our lives for the better.
We are about abstinence and changing our lives for the better.
Recovered from Hopeless State
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Jersey, USA
Posts: 2,156
I want to battle alcoholism; every alcohlic does. It requires patience, empathy and understanding. It requires the identification and repair of my character defects. It took me a long time to understand this and now I'm working towards it, again.
Recovered from Hopeless State
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Jersey, USA
Posts: 2,156
Absolutely no need to apologize to me. I feel all are welcome here and anywhere people are seeking help, no matter how they choose to do it.
You ARE is the right place. This IS the newcomers forum. Don't let a few understandable over reactions dissuade you. You ARE welcome here and we are ALL still learning how to deal with our alcoholism. It's not easy.
You ARE is the right place. This IS the newcomers forum. Don't let a few understandable over reactions dissuade you. You ARE welcome here and we are ALL still learning how to deal with our alcoholism. It's not easy.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Sussex, England
Posts: 945
Originally Posted by Anna
Zimmy,
Please understand that for many of us here NOT drinking AT ALL is a matter of life and death. It would be a good idea for you to keep that in mind and respect the feelings of the members by not posting about celebrating by drinking.
If you are able to moderate your drinking, that would be good, however, please know that most of us here cannot.
Please understand that for many of us here NOT drinking AT ALL is a matter of life and death. It would be a good idea for you to keep that in mind and respect the feelings of the members by not posting about celebrating by drinking.
If you are able to moderate your drinking, that would be good, however, please know that most of us here cannot.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Zimmy, did you read that thread from pauladmits that was referenced for you in one of the first few posts? I suggest you stop posting on this thread until you do as it will inform you of one other person's experience (which sounds much like your own undertaking) and also the response you may expect from us good folks here at SR. Will you please take a look?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Sober State
Posts: 1,126
The problem with moderating is that when it goes well, we convince ourselves we can handle it. I did it, see. No problem. Only you will know when the time comes whether you can truly control it.
I moderated with the help of my husband for the last year (this was not a good plan in many ways, but better than binging daily)
What I found was 1 was too many & 1,000 was never enough.
I did not enjoy "controlling" it. When I got real honest with myself, I really wanted to get trashed. But I'd made this deal w/my husband, & it sucked. I realized how much I obsessed about how much, how often, it's almost Friday. I thought I was controlling it by only having x drinks x per hour but in reality whether I drank 2 or the whole bottle, alcohol still had complete control of ME.
I moderated with the help of my husband for the last year (this was not a good plan in many ways, but better than binging daily)
What I found was 1 was too many & 1,000 was never enough.
I did not enjoy "controlling" it. When I got real honest with myself, I really wanted to get trashed. But I'd made this deal w/my husband, & it sucked. I realized how much I obsessed about how much, how often, it's almost Friday. I thought I was controlling it by only having x drinks x per hour but in reality whether I drank 2 or the whole bottle, alcohol still had complete control of ME.
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