dSober

No Lab, I can tell you for sure that if he spoke to you that way he was not recovering, he was relapsing, whether he drank or not, he is stuck in a bad place.

I said before most of the 12 steps deal with blame. I should have said character defects including blame.

AA is a spritual (in our own terms) program that requires you to list and confront ALL your character defects.

dSober

Damn Lab, you ask tough questions, lol.

I would have to say that blame, of any kind, is a character defect.

Lab

I was thinking he was relapsing. Luckily he lives 4 hours away so I can def avoid him. I don't need negative words at this time. I'm taking this very seriously and not letting anyone bring me down. I figured since he went through treatment, he would be more understanding of how hard it is to do this. But I guess he is still battling it himself.

dSober

BTW, my first AA "sponsor" lived in Delaware while I was in New Jersey. In fact, I'm going to call him soon because I just saw a news headline about a skydiver who broke the sound barrier. Cool. He was very into skydiving until he smacked into the ground pretty hard showing off to someone else. This gives me a good ice breaker to re-establish contact with him; he's a great guy,

A sponsor is someone who you choose, in due course, to walk you through the steps. AA has found, and I for one agree, that this is the best way to deal with your character defects. I feel that sponsorship is something best done locally, where face to face meetings are easier and more frequent. I like talking about the steps here, because I believe they're so important to recovery for most people but I know I have to tread carefully to not venture too much into walking through them here.

dSober

Yet another BTW Lab, please believe me when I tell you that you're helping me just as much as I'm, hopefully, helping you. Everyone here is. I haven't thought this much about the steps in years.

nobshere

dsober, I am glad you found a solution that fits into your belief system. For me personally I have a hard time thinking that my behavior was somehow a demon out to get me..after all a bottle of booze never chased me down..I sought it..I drank it. I lived a life of desperation until I stopped drinking.

renaldo..I agree..I was responsible for my drinking so I am responsible for quitting. To me, keeping it simple is key.


Lab..Blame is only healthy when it is directed appropriately. Once it is determined how one got into the situation they are in it is time to remedy that situation.

dSober

Good luck with your approach Nobsphere. I learned it was MY stinkin' thinkin' that kept me an active alcoholic for so long and so many times.

I don't want to see ANYBODY go through what I did. It doesn't matter what you call it, whatever works best for you. Alcohol is not a conscious entity but it's alcoholic use can, and I believe will, cause extermely severe, potentially irreversible, damage to we and our loved ones. If that's not evil, I don't know what is.

I live and worked 30 miles (as the crow flies) from lower Manhatten. From the top floor of where I worked, I saw the smoke rising from the towers on 9/11/01. That was evil at work. I believe alcoholic use of alcohol is too. I don't care what you call it, but to me, it is evil.

dSober

BTW Nobsphere, MY belief system has evolved considerably over the last few years. I'm not ducking from responbsibilty for my words and actions in any way shape or form. I am responsible for every thing I say and do.

But my overuse of alcohol caused me do say and do many evil things that I wouldn't have done if I was not an alcoholic.

nobshere

Well dsober I will never compare my decision to ingest alcohol to the horrors of 9/11..that is beyond hideous. I am a New Yorker and lost a good friend on that day. I do agree that the abuse of alcohol can cause extermely severe, potentially irreversible, damage but that does not negate the fact I am in control of its damage. It seems to me by demonizing alcohol one ducks the responsibility of ingesting it..JMHO of course.

nobshere

BTW dsober..luck is not needed, commitment is. I have a few 24 hours to prove this.

nobshere

Lab..I did just want to say that having 5 kids is an incredible responsibility and a blessing at the same time. I commend you for having the strength to know that abusing alcohol is detrimental to you all. I only have 2 so I can't imagine what u are going thru!

Lab

Thank you nobshere....Its been a rough time dealing with my children emotions from the divorce and having time for my feelings. I will do anything to give my children the best life possible. I'm a fighter....just kinda gave up on myself for awhile. It time to regain my strength.

justhadenough

Try not to think of blame or look in the past.

It's great you are here and want to stop drinking. Of course people will advise on what worked for them. AA isn't the only way to get sober though. There are many people on here who have got sober/stay sober without AA.

AVRT/Rational Recovery works well for many people. You can buy the book off Amazon for a few dollars.

dSober

I know we're not supposed to argue recovery methods here (wise) so I won't. Besides I've found it best, in general, not to argue about things when I don't know what the hell I'm talking about :-)

I know about AA because I've been going to the rooms, off and on, for several years now. I have nothing but praise for it because it's been around sice 1939, it's proven successful, for probably millions of people, and it's free so I know it's not just someone wanting to make a buck. For some people (like myself) it takes longer than others but I know it works if you let it. I personally know many examples.

I just learned of AVRT & SMART in the last couple of days and I'm going to look into them because I'm curious. Whatever works for each individual is just fine by me.

nobshere

Awww Lab..I feel your pain..our kids are our lives..getting sober is paramount..if nothing else but to show them how strong their mother is..be the example you want to be..you can do it!

nobshere

dsober, I'm not arguing recovery methods..that isn't possible since we all recover the same way..meaning we all don't ingest alcohol..millions of people stop drinking the same way we do..each and every day..some call it "god" some call it "will power"...I call it freedom..gotta love freedom!

Dee74

Lab for my money, all you need to focus on now is not drinking and getting some support for that.

I wouldn't make it any harder than it needs to be - plenty of time for reflection and introspection down the track

Like others have said, there's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach, like AVRT or SMART

read around, see what approach sounds good to you
D

dSober

I agree with Dee74 Lab. You've got support right here, but from my experience, you'll want/need more. I like face to face contact with other people too.

nobshere

Dee as always is spot on! Not drinking is the focus..everything else is bs..