dSober

Just looked up the meaning of your avatar Awuh1. My latin's a little rusty... make that non-existent. How true. I call my God Good and I now know Good is always there.

ricmcc

I am quite sure that the only person I ever hid my alcoholism from was myself. Fortunately, I was unsuccessful in keeping that up for too long-----rick

dSober

Have no fear Lab. I guarantee your counselor has heard it before, again and again. She won't judge, she'll help.

As for your mom, EVERYONE who loves you, your children obviously, will be ecstatic to see you helping yourself! They will be disappointed if/when you slip. Then ecstatic again to see you pick yourself back up. How many times you choose to put them, and yourself through this very stressful cycle is again, up to you.

As to your friends, you're going to find out which ones truly love you. That's a good thing, isn't it.

nobshere

Good Morning Lab..I'm not a big fan of the thinking "the devil made me do it" mostly because I don't believe in the devil (or god for that matter). I think this line of thinking absolves us from any culpability where our addictive behavior is concerned. For me, I find much more power in the knowledge that what I consume sits squarely on my shoulders and I (we) own our actions. It is obvious that drinking is causing much turmoil and damage in your life..time to face it head on and stick to the commitment regardless of how difficult it might be. It gets better everyday..stay strong and overcome..Best of luck to you!

dSober

Hey Dee, I see, looking back through this thread, you're an avatar bouncer like EternalQ I still like EQ's Morticia best, no doubt because I grew up watching the Adamms Family.

notsleeping

Yes i have had wine glasses that are more like gobblets, handles and all. I have been hospitalized from alcohol od. Yeah my daughter found me on the floor bearly breathing. Ambulance came...i dont remember anything. The embarassment to think that the kids and the neighbors new... They stripped my clothes, said i was suicidal, the ambulance driver asked if i was trying to kill myself and i mumbled something that sounded like yes to him, this was according to my daughter. I had a constant observation even to go to the bathroom. I am sure it wasnt an intentional suicide attempt. They say i had enough alcohol in my system to die. How horrifying! I should have never subjected myself or family to this! This was months ago, i didnt stop there. I am 7 days sober. So much to regret. So much to learn. Im really not a bad person. I just need hep to stop. I cant do this alone. Please get help if you need it before you do this to your kids. I have 4 and they have seen too much.

dSober

That was one of my MAJOR problems too since I was/am agnostic all my life. My mother tried to raise my brother and myself Presbyterian but it didn't take in my case. I believe it's because I'm very critical/analytical by nature.

Trouble is, I found I could not defeat my most damaging addiction (alcohol for me) by myself. Some can, very few I dare say, I couldn't. If I couldn't do it alone, who/what could help me?

As we've been discussing here, AA can help. The fundamental principle of AA is that since I don't have the power to do this alone, I obviously need a power greater than myself. The obvious answer to this is God. Well, that's great for believers in God, but what about we agnostics?

Fortunately the founders of AA counted us in, way back in 1939, when "Alcoholics Anonymous" was first pulished. In fact, the title of chapter 4, of what's commonly referred to as the Big Book is: "We Agnostics". They also counted us is when they said in Step 3: "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him".

I believe , this is the most difficult step for we agnostics but it is crucial. I learned the hard way, it can't be skipped. It took me many long, increasingly painful, years to finally "understand Him". In fact it's only in the last few days that I found MY God. I named My God Good. While I'm male, I don't refer to Good as Him or Her. Good is just Good.

As for MY addiction, I often refer to it as a beast or a monster. A devil works equally well. The important thing, for me, is that I know it's not good, it's evil and extremely powerful. I now know that I can't defeat it alone but with Good's help, I can, because Good is more powerful than evil.

nobshere

Hey dsober thank you for your insightful view, I'm am glad you were able to find a way to overcome your addiction. I do think aa can be helpful to some but as to the teachings in the bb I find them counter productive for long term sobriety. But hey that's just me! I found taking responsibility for my own actions much more powerful than handing over my problems to something I don't believe exists. Different path same result no?

dSober

You are in the right place Notsleeping (SR). I reccomend reading though this thread from the beginning (it's still only 2 pages) if you haven't already. Thanks Lab for starting it with such a good name.

Insomnia is a big part of alcohism, especially withdrawl from alcohol, which can also kill you via seizures.

I don't believe for one second that we were attempting suicide Notsleeping. But, alcohol is EXTREMELY dangerous stuff for an alcoholic is so many ways.

dSober

Whatever works best for you Nobspehere. It didn't work for me, but that's me. I just can't recommend taking what I know, for me, was a very long, rocky road. I know there's shorter path and that's why I'm planting sign posts pointing that way.

renaldo

I have to agree. Plenty of people who aren't addicts excuse their defeatist behavior and push the blame onto someone else. We all have our hurdles to jump, and just because us addicts find it difficult to avoid drinking, there are measures to employ without saying it's some disembodied entity's fault.

Step one is to disengage from your drinking/using entourage and make the conscious decision that they're no good for you. I don't really have that problem, but if I did, I would disengage and say adios to anyone who tries to talk me into starting up again.

Who knows? One of them might decide to steer a new course some day and call you out of the blue for help. That would be more healthy than letting them suck you back into behavior that you don't want to pursue anymore.

As I mentioned in another thread, my aunt's husband died of alcoholism. When she was left all alone she stepped up her intake of hard liquor. She would be incoherent on the phone. Despite her being old and infirm, her "friends" would come over and offer her booze. It killed her. Need I say more?

Changing course might require changing friends.

Lab, I'm not saying you need to do this. I'd have to go back and read the whole thread and possibly lose this msg. I just typed. Just making a general observation.

nobshere

That's why I chose to cut out the middle man dsober! When I set sobriety squarely on my shoulders I was able to overcome and move forward!

dSober

BTW Nobsphere, I feel I haven't overcome my addiction. It'll always be there. But now I have faith that Good will give me the power to defeat it when it sticks it's ugly head up. I know it will; it's an unrelenting monster.

nobshere

I'm sorry you feel that way dsober, fortunately for me there is no monster, it was just me all along.

Lab

I have no one to blame but myself for my problems....I put myself in the situation, I buy the drinks, and I choose to hangout with these people. I have been through so much this past year and I'm contributing to these problems. I'm very upset with myself, but I can only get better or continue a downward spiral. I choose to get better for myself and my children. This is going to be very hard road to travel...a lot of rough terrain ahead....but I can do this. I'm very fortunate to have a wonderful family support system. I'm excited about getting better. Plus I have an awesome new family here with all of you!!

dSober

Blame is a HUGE part of addiction and recovery. So HUGE in fact, that most of the 12 steps, after the 3rd, specifically with it.

dSober

That's the right attitude to start your journey Lab.

Lab

dSober...is it good or bad that I blame myself?

Lab

I recently started talking to friend from 15 years ago. I confided in him about my problems...drinking...sleeping around. Well he messaged me today with all kinds of cuss words and pretty saying "I tried to help, but you didn't listen". Thing is...he is a recovering alcoholic. After his hurtful message I don't ever want to talk to him again. Is yelling and cussing the way to help?

dSober

Thanks Nobsphere but I'm not sorry I feel that way at all, once I saw, first hand, the damage that alcoholism can do.