Rubysoho

Thank you everyone for your thoughtful comments. I do really apprecaite it. I made a doctors appointment for Thursday so I'll tell them I'm not doing so well. I had to see the work doctor today cos I had 2 weeks off for detox. She suggested working 2 less hours a day for the next 2 weeks just til I get back on my feet in terms of eating/sleeping. That takes a bit of pressure off for now.
I spoke to a friend about my concerns about AA, and we agreed that I'd go to 3 meetings a week for 4 weeks and then see how it goes from there. He doesn't do AA, but he thinks its a good idea for me.
I know the steps help a lot of people, but I'm really not ready for it yet. I find the meetings useful at the moment for 1) making sure I'm still an alcoholic, because my mind keeps trying to convince me i'm not and 2) giving me somewhere else to be on 'danger days' on the weekend rather than the pub or the off license. If I'm honest I don't really want to do the steps. I recognise the importance of recognising I have a problem, and also that I can't get sober by myself, but I don't really want to get into the steps yet. I'm not sure I'll ever be ready. I find it a bit worrying that in AA people say I can only get sober if I do the steps. I think meetings and reading the book will be enough for me.
I'm really trying so hard to stay sober at the moment. thanks everyone for being so supportive x

Sapling

I think people only tell you that because the book is basically a manual on how to take the steps....You can do whatever you want Ruby...That's the beauty of AA....There are no rules. I think step one would be a problem for you anyway if you are still tossing around the idea if you are alcoholic or not. I was in a state of complete desperation when I took the steps....And I think that was to my advantage. Don't worry about what anyone says...I don't think anyone says anything to you without the intention of you being happy and sober.....And that's all I wish for you.

waynemali

Hi Ruby

I don't attend meetings and I didn't read the 12 steps until well into my recovery, I'm 27 weeks dry now.

For me I looked for a different answer in my life and that was God & Church, the first day I walked in church I met people I didn't know who asked me why I was there and I told them exactly, no hiding it, many took my number and now text or phone me in the week to see how I'm doing or just offer words of encouragement, they haven't walked in my shoes, but they just want to help and I can call or text them at anytime when I struggling and believe me I have and it helps.

Don't give up you've made it this far, if you are struggling with the meetings, mabe try something different, we all respond differently to different things.

Please try to stay positive, I know it can be hard and I know it can feel lonely, but when you feel like that, just reach out to someone let them know how you feel, believe me it certainly helped me in my dark moments.

I wish you good look and I will pray for you and all those who I have met on here tonight, that you receive the same strength that I have to get through this.

God Bless

UR>
Wayne