Ragamuffin

My heart is just shattered..
I don't have long to talk but I just need some support today.

I'm a little over thirty days sober, i come from a VERY alcoholic family.. lol some of you can understand that. Today, my Uncle has shown up at my house... drove drunk and sat on my couch talking and crying.. I was the one he used to get drunk with... the one that we BOTH were the worst of the bunch.

I got better, he didn't.

He just came to, forgot he was at my house, I fed him, he's stumbling around my house..

I want to help him so bad, i'm newly sober so this is the hardest thing I've ever had to watch, I know his pain, I don't know what to do...

And he is also 20 years older than me... so it's hard to say how I feel without disrespecting him..

I don't know what to do, it's hard not to drink with him, super hard not to drink with him.

And he's hinting that he is wanting me to go to the liquor store for him, I just can't... but he can't drive and he's going to get very upset.

I feel like crying.

DrunkTx

Maybe share your story with him?

BlueEyedBoy

Wow that is really tough Ragamuffin! Maybe try and explain to him what you are doing and why it is important? Are you in AA or anything like that? Could you take him along?

Ragamuffin

Oh he knows my story, he knows i'm sober, he is a very close relative.. he's beligerant.. I'm so upset right now... it's hard to stay sober. He hasn't eaten in five days.. he won't listen, I feel terrible because I sound selfish.. but I can't handle this all day... maybe later on in my sobriety, but as of now, i don't feel strong enough... i don't know how to help him

BlueEyedBoy

Your recovery has to be selfish at times, and if he is going to ignore your sobreity then maybe you need to detach from him,...with love

Ragamuffin

He's been to AA, Rehab, Jail, he's looking at more jailtime due to a DUI... He is actually part of why I got sober, I didn't want to end up like him. My heart breaks for him, but like i just told him this morning he said "you're stronger than I am" and I said "no i'm not there are just some things you have to tough out.and just do it"

tomsteve

ragamuffin, it may seem harsh at this time, but right now you really should put you and your sobriety first. if he is threatening your sobriety, which it sound like it is, you may want to have him leave.

tomsteve

please tell your uncle i would be willing to battle him over who is weaker: him right now or me the last few months of my drinking. dam straight i was weak. that is what got me to the point of desperation and complete surrender.

jennikate

Are there any other family members or friends that you can call to pick him up? Or, on the other hand, you could leave him there (without keys) and go to a meeting. Whatever you do, don't join him. You have come so far. All you can do is keep yourself together for now. It's not selfish, it's survivial.

Dee74

Hi Ragamuffin

It's really commendable you want to help your Uncle...but who's going to help you if you get sucked back into the maelstrom?

This sounds harsh, but believe me it's not...if your uncle wants to get sober there's any number of programmes and any number of people with more sober time than you who would be glad to help him....right now.

If he doesn't want to be sober, then theres nothing you can do and you're really not doing yourself any favours by having him in your house right now.

Can you drive him home or something? he can always pick his car up later.

D

Ragamuffin

He lives alone, just like I did when I was at my worst. I want to be strong so he knows it gets better.. but i know this is so so bad for me. Gah i'm at a war with myself. He finally ate chili I made for him, he hadn't ate in 4 days.. he's shaking so badly.. and I see that's who I used to be. I'm just so sad. He's sleeping for now, so I put in my headphones and am blaring my music, lit an am going to make my tea, i'm stronger than this, I'm not going to ruin my sobriety over this. I just need to talk it out.. I feel dramatic.. but jeez..

thank you guys for talking to me... it's so amazing to have you all right here.

*big deep breath*

Ragamuffin

lit an incense*

hypochondriac

You can't help him Ragamuffin. I really feel for your situation but you really have to put your own sobriety first here. Just think how inspirational it will be to him to know that you have been able to stay sober... sometimes people need to see that it's possible. It won't achieve anything if you end up drinking with him.

Well done on 30 days sober x

CaiHong

Hi Ragamuffin,

It's great that at least he has eaten the chilli and is sleeping. You are not the selfish one here, he is. Your sobriety is the most important thing now.
Be strong and do not go to the liquor store for him. Drive him home if need be.

It is a lot for you to handle, you are doing well

All the best
Love
CaiHong

Ragamuffin

Yes, everything is much calmer now. I've learned throughout my battle with alcohol and anxiety.. to build an inner zen... it sure does help me.

I'm not going to drink, no no no. I will not.

He can stay, but he can't drink.. rules are rules. He may be older than me but this is my house.

sigh, what a day! I'm stronger than I thought! phew.

p.s. he's now babbling on the couch repeating "the chili was great" oh my... my heart breaks for him.