MissyShelle76

Just found out some really bad, devastating news today. Last night, at AA, one member said "there is no room for anger in our program" But how do you not get angry at times when those you love are being hurt and nothing is being done?

I mean, come on, we are still human but we are to never get angry?

guess I'm skipping that part of AA today because I am mad. I am so mad. I'm still sober. But I want to throw stuff.

And they keep telling me in AA, never get mad.

We aren't robots. It isn't possible to never get mad.

Natom

Do they mean physically aggressive or just angry? Sometimes you have to vent your anger. They don't sound very tolerant.

MissyShelle76

Im not a physically aggressive person. But they keep saying "There is no room for anger in our program, even justifiable anger" OH PLEASE. Of course there is. As long as it's not handled wrong. People are so scared of anger. It's crazy. Can't wait for the meeting tonight. sigh

Natom

Different meeting perhaps. Sometimes you find meetings that are a bit weird and it's normally just the view of the secretary and there little clique of friends.

MissyShelle76

I'll just see what they have to say. If I am told again that my anger is wrong and I'm not supposed to have any, Ill figure something else out.

Natom

Well perhaps mention it with the secretary and see if you completely get what they are saying.

pipparina

I'm not sure how they posed that to you. It is impossible to never get angry. From what I was told, the trick is to not stay angry. So someone does something, you get angry. The next step is to pray or work through a step or share to relieve yourself of that anger. Holding on to it turns into a resentment, which can lead to picking up a drink.

There was an expression I learned in early sobriety - HALT. Never get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. From past experience, those can be triggers for us.

Dee74

I'm not in AA so I can't comment on that part.

I think a lot of us are scared of getting angry tho - it's a wild, almost uncontrolled emotion...it can seem at odds with the calm measured sort of attitude we strive for in recovery...and it's an emotion a lot of us used to drink on as well.

I think everyone gets angry...sometimes we may even need to get angry...but it's when we let it rule us...or when we hang on to it and let it fester into resentments and grudges...thats when we may have a problem.

If I'm angry, I look at what I can do to improve whatevers making me angry...if I've done all I can or I can't do anything more...I try my best to let it go.

Life's too short to be going around angry for too long, I think.

Hope you feel better soon MissyShelle

D

Caledonia1

Thank you I found your advice very helpful indeed, sorry to hijack your thread Missshelley hope youtoo found it helpful

Take care

freshstart57

Folks who aren't alcoholics get angry, they also get lonely and hungry and tired. They deal with these things in healthy ways, they don't drink themselves stupid. Aren't these feelings just part of everyday life?

The challenge for us is to learn how to do those things that non drinkers do when they find themselves in these situations. Shelle, does this anger of yours have a purpose?

Anna

I'm not in AA either, so I don't know about the anger issue.

I think anger can be constructive to a point, but so far that it runs your life and dictates what you do. The main thing in recovery is to learn.

bloss

Everyone (I think) gets angry once in a while. But, if we let it fester too long, we may drink. If I think it through or talk to a trusted person about it, I have time to calm down, then I look at my part, what is it about the person/situation that is bothering me? Usually this helps, it's difficult to do, but loads better than carrying that baggage around.

desertsong

Anger is a natural emotion and we all have it from time to time. There is nothing wrong with it. What they may have meant is that we shouldn't hold on to anger (i.e. resentments) because we do tend to drink when we're angry. That's what the 4th step is all about - letting go of anger/resentments, etc.

Now if they told you that you should never be angry, I have a problem with that. It's not anger that is the problem ... it's what we do about it.

2granddaughters

And the 10th Step when it pops up as we go along.

The member said "there is no room for anger in our program" and there really isn't if we are to live comfortably. We have to feel it, deal with it and let it go.

All the best to everyone.

Bob R

DisplacedGRITS

i think what you have to do is practice catch and release with your anger. anger is going to happen. that's a human fact. it's how you respond to it and react to it in your life that matters. are you going to let it have an effect on those around you? perhaps what the person was trying to tell you was to not let your anger be a danger to others in the group. there's a way to share anger and frustration that doesn't send the whole group into a negative state of mind that can be harmful to everyone. in dealing with anger in your life, you have to learn to let go of things that are beyond your control. life is far from perfect but it's all we have and we must learn to live with it. are we always going to be happy with it? no. but learning to let go and move forward is all we can do. make the most of what you have and try to extract the good out of every situation, no matter how cruddy it is. you can't extract the good if you're just seething about the bad.

copperfield

Absolutely miss shelle - one of the best parts of being sober is feeling your true feelings and emotions and working with them. So i say BE ANGRY

MIRecovery

Anger and resentments are two different things and to fully understand the role each plays in our lives and our recovery is something that requires reading the big book at the very least and preferably also working with a sponsor. Steps 4, 8, 9 10 teaches us how to deal anger, pain, and hurt among other things in a constructive manner

I lived in a world of anger and resentments. When I was angry I could externalize and not have to look at me. I was so wound up about other people, places, and things I could ignore the problems I had. In many ways anger is like a cheap drunk. It does you no good even harm but it is the fall back position for the alcoholic because this is where we are comfortable.

I would advise not getting too upset about anything you hear in an AA meeting. Take what you want and leave the rest. You have to remember you are in a room full of recovering alcoholics some new, some old, some crazy and anything in between. It will not take long and you will be able to tell the ones that have it together and are working the program. Stick with these winners and do what they do.

elizabeth1967

That is crazy Shelly I would try to find another AA group if I was you. I am angry at times I would feel the way you do even angrier at those members...LOL

Sapling

Take what you want and leave the rest.....Has to do with the meetings...Not the book.

Sapling

I wouldn't give up on a whole group for what one person mistated.....You got to remember...Some of us are sicker than others....Some just make it up as they go along. Stick with the winners....Stay in the herd....And all that good stuff.