evilpills

Today is Day 4 of recovery for me. Yesterday I did so well! I played outside with my little girl, worked 8 hours on my feet without complaint and I even turned down my DOC when my dealer called me! Im still amazed I did that! However, this morning is a different story.. My first thought upon waking was "maybe I can call him back and still get them" well, I talked myself out of it and opted for a hot cup of coffee instead. These battles in my head are terrifying. Its almost as if i have dual personalities- one is an addict and the other is sobriety. I catch myself arguing with myself. Am i going crazy? The physical withdrawals are enough to cripple anyone, but throw in the mind games and... Yeah. Im struggling. Not to mention my husband is also an addict, and the very person who introduced me to these "evil pills". He relapsed yesterday and i found myself angry at him. If i can stay strong, why can't he do the same?! I know i shouldn't be mad, I know just how hard it is. But I can't help it! Its so much harder to stay sober when I see him high. I mean, I have to motivate myself to even get off the couch, ya know?

Natom

It's all normal hun. You have to draw that strength from deep inside you to say no. I know you have issues around it but I strongly suggest you get some kind of support method going within your life. It is hard but it does get easier if you work at it and keep plugging in. Put the same effort that you put into your sobriety that you did into your using and it will become easier quicker.

Anna

You did great getting through that, and you need to focus on you and your recovery. Hopefully your husband will follow your example at some point.

styxfan

I'm 5 days so right with you. Stay the line. This is hard in the beginning but very gradually gets better first 5 days of course. I'm getting ready to go out for a walk. I haven't been outside since Saturday. We are behind you.

evilpills

Thank you all for advice and support. It makes me feel as though im not alone in my suffering. I get lost in my head at times.. Replaying events and scenarios.. My anxiety is through the roof today. And talk about mood swings! Sheesh.. I've had anxiety issues for years but masked them with opiates, i thought i had conquered the anxiety but now it's double-time it seems. Husband used again today, even though he lies and says he didn't, his pin point pupils tell me the truth. =(

styxfan

Unfortunatley Anxiety is part of.Listen you can do it. WILLPOWER Your getting better each hour and day Today I got up went outside and even talked with some neighbors which is amazing because I didn't want anything to with anybody my 1st few days. I didn't what you were on or how much but I was 120mg oxy per day for 2.5 yrs., all legal if that gives you something that will my progress. Hang in there MY big help during these days has been music. Been throwing the DVD's in cranking it up to some Pink Floyd.Music is something I enjoyed. Hope this will help someone show my progress.

artsoul

Welcome evilpills -

Congratulations on getting off the opiates and keep hanging in there. When I got sober (from alcohol), my emotions were all over the place. Stay close to whatever support you do have (this forum is great for that) and keep reminding yourself this is temporary.

Check out our section on Substance Abuse, too:
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Glad you're here!