zorah

Hi SR friends,

I trust you completely and wanted to ask you a question. I'm in a program of recovery (aa as it happens). I'm always questioning if i belong here. I obsess about booze, i feel the magnetic pull of it in my body, I plot and plan how much and when I should drink, I drink alone and only for relief. Ok, those are the reasons people told me to get help before it becomes far more destructive. The big "but" in my head is that i don't drink as large amounts as other people, partly because my body is hypersensitive, I have a mental illness that worsens to a scary degree, etc. etc.

I'm always asking my sponsor, am i really an alcoholic? She reminds me of my relapses and what I did (run to the bottle as fast as possible). But the question has still become an obsession in my mind and it's starting to drive me crazy. She said I should be "all in" for six months and see how I feel after that. If no improvement at all, then reconsider. Stop questioning and wondering; just do the six months.

I like this idea; it feels progressive. But my question to you is this: Do you think six months is enough for me to tell if it's helping me? Or should I consider a longer time?


Zorah

onlythetruth

I think the question is not whether you are an "alcoholic" or not. That term is used in so many different ways I'm not sure any of us can tell you what it really means.

I think the real question is whether or not drinking alcohol is causing problems for you. If it is causing severe problems (which seems to be the case) then who cares what label the problem wears? Heck, I don't call myself an alcoholic...yet I've been sober since 1998 and wouldn't have it any other way.

doggonecarl

So what is the plan if you don't feel better after six months of being sober? Go back to drinking?

That's alcoholic thinking, in my book.

Embrace never drinking again and see how you feel.

IndaMiricale

It has nothing to do with the volume of alcohol your intake is... That statement says it all.

As for 6 months , just take it one day at a time.

Have your worked the steps ?
Have you tried 90 in 90?
Have you been active, make coffee, set up , breakdown ect.?
Have you chaired a meeting?

Why dont you try those for questions out and see how you feel when your done with those...

Good love , Inda

Needsassistance

Im still early in my recovery(60 days), but to me It seems the term alcoholic and the defining nature of it is one you may be spending too much time on. For me(I am an alcoholic) I boil it down to the fact that I can't drink anymore, ever. That's it, booze had such negative effects on my life that I need it out of my life forever.
I just told my friend on Sunday who asked "who can't ever just have a glass of wine with dinner"? My response was a simple no, never again. If I can't be sure of when the last drink will come or what I will do thereafter that I can't have the first one, ever.
I would urge you to be cautious... To me alcoholism is unpredicatible, progressive, sneaky, relentless, careless, etc... Best wishes, there are a lot of great people here to help...

ru12

Zorah,

My life is better when I'm sober. I like me much better as a sober person. At one point in my life drinking was interfering with my life, so I stopped. I hope you find what you need to put this garbage out of your life.

yogachic

Hi, I'm new here too and trying to figure out what it is that I really want.
The bottom line for me is that I get more accomplished and I feel/look healthier when I don't drink. Best luck to you!

bryangt

Time is just time, but it does get easier with time, at least for me. After 90-120 days, I really had no obsession or desire to drink anymore...I'll admit, part of that was because drinking had taken my life to new lows. 'Alcohol is a TAKER' as an old timer I know always reminds me. It took a LOT from me. I am basically starting over again...at 53 years old!
It ain't easy, but it is easier sober for sure.

Anna

Zorah, I'm not an AA person, but I knew that I was feeling and doing much better long before six months went by. I hope you won't give up on sobriety and that you continue to work on your recovery.

You mention obsessing about alcohol, and I found immediate relief from that when I stopped drinking. It was such a freeing feeling. Drinking alone and only for relief - I did that, too, all the time.

How long have you been sober at this time? Is it long enough for you to feel changes in your life? And, by the way, what changes are you making in your life, besides stopping drinking? I hope you keep reading and posting.

hypochondriac

I think we have probably all obsessed about that at some point Zorah. The thing I always ask myself when it comes up is 'what is wrong with maybe accepting that I am not an alcoholic and just being a non drinker?' I find it funny that I assume that if I am not an alcoholic then I can drink, woo hoo! I kind of stopped obsessing about it 5 or 6 months in but it still pops up from time to time. Personally I only really noticed things getting really better at the 6 month mark so maybe aim for a year (am I making it sound scarier by saying that? If so you may be an alcoholic...). Keep at it Zorah and see what happens. There is no downside to being sober x

2granddaughters

You have a very patient sponsor, you probably should do what she tells you to do.

All the best.

Bob R

sugarbear1

Acceptance is the key.

Questions to Ask Yourself:

Is your way working for you (drinking and living life to it's fullest)?

Are you done drinking?

zorah

Yes, yes, yes, to all your comments. You're all so kind to share with me. I know I'm way better not drinking. I have about 45 days (oh God, how many times have I had 45 days?). I never get to 60 days it seems. Anyway, never mind.

The point is: 1. alcohol causes me a lot of harm; 2. I want to stop and STAY stopped.
So I will not pick up one day at a time as they say, and look for new possibilities in my life....and new hopes for the future. Hope is something I never have when I'm drinking.

Thank you all for your encouragement.

Blessings,

Zorah

YVRguy

I know how you feel Zora , I left AA in early 2010 thinking I could just not drink on my own. I didn't do too well but that's me , other have their way to get sobriety.

For me it all boils down to Step 1 and the way I think about it lately is " My mind can't handle it and my body can't leave it alone" once I have a drink. Its not how much I drink its how I drink when I do and how it affects me.

I find getting in the middle of AA and meetings has helped relieve myself from the constant self will war I tried and failed at. I simply do seem to be able to make that work for myself. If I can make 16 days , you can make 60 , all one day , one hour and one moment at a time. I write a journal several times a day , take meeting topics home and write about them like my own personal share to myself. I might have shared at the meeting or maybe not , doesn't matter to me , it just helps me see how what I hear and what other say and I recognize " Crap I am just like that too" gets held with me so I can see it , re-read it. I do a summary every few days. This has really helped me recognize how evil alcohol has been and will be to me if I drink. I also see I have a lot of other crap that it surely hasn't helped that I need to deal with , in time.

Stay strong! You can do this

Dee74

Thats a great decision Zorah

D

artsoul

What's important is that you know that you're doing the right thing by staying sober. Having alcoholism in your family as well as bipolar disorder are already really good reasons to stay away from alcohol.

I call myself an alcoholic because I can't have a casual relationship with alcohol like a social drinker who can take it or leave it, no big deal. It's not so much about the details of our drinking days - it's about letting go of what doesn't work and finding real solutions to make our lives better. Think about it as being the best you can be.

Southerner

As others have said, don't worry about whatever label you put on it. According to the Bard, a rose by any other name is still a rose. The others above have pointed to the real issue, which is whether or not it causes the same repetitious problems in your life. I wound up realizing that the more I asked the question, the mere fact that I asked the question confirmed the answer.

I would say, worry less about what that habit made you or would make you if you went back to it--focus on what you are and what you want to be. If that stuff can truly lead you to it safely and soundly, then nobody can stop you. Ask yourself that, answer it honestly to yourself, and then follow the logical path of action that leads you to be who you want to be.