Someguy23

This is a venting post. I had cravings today and thought I would post them away. I hadn't felt like drinking in quite awhile. Had doubts what direction I wanted to go in with this recovery thing, but didn't actually feel like picking up in over two weeks. Until today, that is.

No idea why. At work, I was fine (still finding it weird to call it 'work' rather than 'school'). Got better things to think about there. At the risk of sounding rather dorky, I like what I do and I'm actually pretty good at it.

It's on the train back home that I started having a daydream about picking up a bottle of wine and some energy drinks to have a little party tonight. I don't even like wine. It wasn't too strong, but rather persistent. Like a mosquito that you can shoo away but never actually crush.

I made more excuses than I care to remember to convince myself. And I know how weird that sounds, it's even weird to type. It was annoying to ignore all those thoughts. It was also a bit worrying to have them. That is not dead which can eternal lie, I suppose.

They went away as soon as I got home, but there's a bar and three liquor stores between the train station and my place...

Vent over, sorry for the chatter. Have a good evening everyone.

BruceJ

I think we all have that sort of thought process to one extent or another. The amazing part that an outsider sees is that you didn't act on it.
That doesn't make any sense if you are an alcoholic.....something must be working.

Have a great sober evening.

Hevyn

Hi Someguy. I'm glad you wrote about your experience. I had that happen out of the blue for the first few months. I think it's quite common, even normal. We've been so dependent on it - those cravings can't just disappear. I found that mine faded into nothing eventually.

I'm glad you made it over that hurdle - I know how unnerving it must have been. Proud of you for not acting on that urge. You're doing great.

Dee74

Sometimes I think there is no why...addiction need not be logical.
I'm glad you stayed true to yourself

D

sissy07

someguy,

Yeah, those subtle cravings are sometimes the most bothersome to me. Mine have mostly gone away now, but I remember them. They scared me.

However you got through it, and next time they happen you can remember you got through them before so you can get through them again.

I have grown real fond of you - I always look forward to seeing your posts. I wish you the very best.

NoFireWater

Good for you for slapping the cravings down. They do come at weird times. I think they were part of our lives for so long they're just not ready to leave us.
We were good to them. We indulged them. We pampered them. Of course they want to stay. We just have to be clear that "that ship has sailed" and move forward.

ReadyAndAble

That's not weird at all. That internal debate is common, I think. It's good that you saw it as a debate—an adversarial relationship—because that's exactly what it was. You vs. your addiction. Guess who won? Great work!

See that? I suggest that might be your addiction taking another, more subtle pass at you, this time in the form of self doubt. Sneaky, huh? But think about it: you have no reason to doubt yourself. Instead of acting on the urge, you analyzed it, then tossed it aside. Awesome. Of course there will be other mosquitoes, but they get easier and easier to swat.