YVRguy

It took a lot of pain for a lot of people to get me to admit defeat. The lip service I gave what the BB calls Step 1 in the past has been smashed as its arrived in reality with great force and depth.

I have no control over alcohol and my life is totally unmanageable. Done , admitted , confirmed.

I think today on day 5 clean and major withdrawals gone I realize it. My wife and kids are gone too , and I am actually grateful they are safe and secure and I have a good relationship still. Life will never be the same as it was and thats a good thing. They and I never want that life again.

I am also grateful I will most likely enter a short term disability program at work so I can heal what I now see is decades of terrible stuff and wild abuse of alcohol.

I have been in and out of rooms and generally hung with the old timers and the ones I was comfortable with and they said that the true realization of Step 1 is such a blessing and you are not there yet. I They were of course correct and the relief after a series or traumas in the last 90 days is amazing.

I guess I stand now in the camp that until you can admit and truly realize there is a lack of control and life is unmanageable its going to go on. Whether you choose AA or not , I think its fundamental.

I am grateful I avoided DUI's and legal issues with my drinking. That was pure luck but I also tended to avoid driving at all when impaired ...but truth is I did.I am not done with the law on agreements and selling property but these can be on good terms.

Now time to set forth on the work ahead and it wont be easy , wont be fast , wont come with a lot of accolades from others and that wont matter. What will matter is for myself and the people I really care about I can begin to really recover.

SR has helped me but I guess I had to hit a wall to see it. The wall came up and I couldn't even see it till it fell on me.

Thanks and stay strong , I admit one defeat but not defeat of my life and ability to truly live once again.

Sapling

Been there and done that....It cost me everything...But I was given that gift of desperation.

debsam

YVRguy, I distinctly remember this moment...I have never looked back. I honestly felt a complete shift in my being.

Hard work, yes...but worth every bit of it.

Big hugs YVRguy...so pleased to read this.

Dee74

I'm not an AAer but nonetheless I remember that moment too - great post YVRguy...best of luck to you

D

TorontoGuy28

Yes, step 1 was critical for me as well.

I admitted and ACCEPTED being powerless over alcohol.

Things will get better ! Good luck !

2granddaughters

Now's the time to take it to the next level. Go back and tell the oldtimers you're ready to listen.

All the best.

Bob R

YVRguy

Thanks all and 2grand , I will be following that , already have. I am working with a particular old timer , 10 plus years , who had/has similar troubles. There is no place but up. I am one lucky person compared to how bad this whole thing could really be , and for that I am grateful.

mecanix

This is true for me also,

Bestwishes, M

CarolD

Forward is always the correct direction...
Good for you!