rainbowgrl777

I'm 23, a heroin addict, recovering anorexic and suicidal/depressed person. I just can't f-ing stop. I've gotten hooked yet again and it's been months that I've been telling my self "today is the day." And by the morning, afternoon, or night...I have already picked up. I don't know who to turn to...the people around me are so frustrated like I'm a girl who cried wolf, but each time I genuially want to stop, it's taken so much from my over the past 5 years. How do I get through the day tomorrow without using? It seems impossible. FYI: I have suboxone and my withdrawal is at an alltime low since I've lowered my use to 3 bags a day as opposed to 2 buns. It's just the sweats, pains, and ANXIETY that gets the **** out of me and feel like I can't even seem to overcome that. I feel pathetic. And I do believe I have so much potential. What are somethings that I can do tomorrow to not use? Thanks for all your love and support. I think I need your help!!

Sapling

What have you tried and not tried to get over this?....I don't think saying I'm going to quit is enough....I know I needed more than that just to get off alcohol....This takes work and being willing to admit our way isn't cutting it.

Dee74

Welcome Rainbowgirl

I know I kept going back to my drug of choice- alcohol - for many reasons...

I was so caught up in the lifestyle...it had been my life, and my friends lives, for a long time...

Getting drunk or high had become my coping strategy for everything...

I was also scared of change...for a long time, I thought I'd be satisfied by 'getting a handle on things' just a little taste.....

I didn't realise how vital making changes was.

I was also trying to do everything myself. I think supports really important too.

Coming here is a great start

You might also like to check out our substance abuse forum too:
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

D

rainbowgrl777

Thank you both. I've been through detoxes, inpatients, even a stint in a psych ward (not my choice lol). I think step 1 for me is to collect clean time ( id be elated if I could get to 2 weeks and past the obvious withdrawal that makes picking up feel like a necessity). I feel good about coming here D I've been to NA and it felt too rigid to me. If I could check in here as often as I do Facebook it would be a constant reminder that I not functioning at all, that something needs to change now and I can't keep putting it off....and you are right sapling, my way isn't cutting it. I also have the traditional fear that right after a meeting I get the urge to use rather than the repulsion. I also don't react good to people telling me that I need a higher level of care (a fault, I know) I think this dates back to care being pushed on me, people around me not understanding my disease, etc. well I do feel comfortable for some reason with the consistent support and annonimity with this website. I'll put in my all to at least being a sober blogging junkie. I think I can make that change

artsoul

Welcome rainbowgirl -

I understand that feeling of hopelessness and breaking promises to yourself (I did that daily at the end of my drinking, too). Coming here turned my life around and it started with a small glimmer of hope.

I spent the first days glued to this place - it was like having someone hold my hand while I got through the initial withdrawal and cravings. Meetings are great but they're only an hour a day. Here I could spend as much time as I needed to stay focused.

If you've done this before you probably know what to expect and prepare for. Do you have anyone (friend, family) who can be with you for a few days?