AA Sponsor
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 30
For me, immediate availability was key. I'd tried 12 steps without a sponsor before (through lack of willingness on both sides) and it didn't work. Waiting around for the Ideal wasn't prudent for me anymore, and I grabbed someone after my first meeting back from "sabbatical" to be my sponsor, at least on a trial basis.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 557
Initially you should get one with some quality time in. I know of some in the program that have 6 months in that I would prefer over some others I know with 20 years.
That's one of the important things about going to meetings. If you go to a number of meetings you get to hear lots of people and you will get a feel for who's with it and who talks a lot.
That's one of the important things about going to meetings. If you go to a number of meetings you get to hear lots of people and you will get a feel for who's with it and who talks a lot.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Mine has 13 years of sobriety, she is straight talking and direct. She is a total mix of tough and tender, and I trust what she tells me implicitly.
I liked her as soon as I met her. It took me a few months to find her and it was just after my relapse when I was probably at my lowest emotionally and spiritually. She has enabled me to get back on track and we are working through the steps.
I think if they are a long time sober and living the life you want, they are probably getting it right. Good luck x
I liked her as soon as I met her. It took me a few months to find her and it was just after my relapse when I was probably at my lowest emotionally and spiritually. She has enabled me to get back on track and we are working through the steps.
I think if they are a long time sober and living the life you want, they are probably getting it right. Good luck x
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
This is AA's pamphlet on sponsorship...Good stuff.
http://www.aa.org/pdf/products/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf
http://www.aa.org/pdf/products/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf
Sobriety date 12/19/2011
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: TX
Posts: 409
I was led to my sponsor. Her sobriety date is 1975, mine is 2011.
I picked someone who had a whole lot of sobriety, and I felt something when she talked. I felt like she could relate to me.
Now that i am sober, I would say just pray for the right sponsor to come to you, or you be led to the right sponsor. Try your best to keep your will out of it and you will do just fine!
I picked someone who had a whole lot of sobriety, and I felt something when she talked. I felt like she could relate to me.
Now that i am sober, I would say just pray for the right sponsor to come to you, or you be led to the right sponsor. Try your best to keep your will out of it and you will do just fine!
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Picking a sponsor can be daunting.
What to look for? Who's really working the program? Who's "recovered" and who's not? Has someone had a spiritual awakening as a result of the steps or are they just good talkers? Should I get someone "cool" that I can identify with or go for one of the hard-core type of person?
If we were transported back to grade school today and had to pick teammates for our baseball/basketball/whatever team at the end of the week......and we didn't know anyone at the school. What would we do? Well, for one, we'd ask around. We'd ask the kids who were there who we should consider for our team. Do that........
Don't try to just pick a sponsor. If you're new, you can't possibly know what to look for anymore than I could select a good jai alai player from a mediocre one. So, what ya do is ask around. Start getting honest.....maybe before the meeting or after the meeting. Start putting it out there that you're looking for someone and see who the ppl at the meeting recommend. Odds are.......they'll all recommend the same 1-4 ppl. THOSE are the folks you key in on - the ppl recommended by the ppl there who DO know what's going on and what to look for / what to avoid.
I'll tell ya this....... of the 10 or 15 ppl I thought had it "goin on" at the meetings I went to when I was new, I can think of maybe 2 of them I'd still consider a "good sponsor" now (with 5 yrs under my belt). Not that the others are bad AA members or anything like that.......they're just not ppl I'd recommend. Back when I was new though, I really thought a lot of them were something special.
Best case scenario.....one of the stronger members will just say to you, "I'm your sponsor." If that happens, consider yourself lucky. And no, you probably won't "like" them all that much at first.....lol. That just seems to be the norm. But know this, only the strongest ppl in the program take it seriously enough to KNOW that they MUST carry the message to newcomers or they're goose is cooked. On the flip side, most of the half-measure crowd will just sit back waiting for everyone else to do all the work.
** do some hanging out, reading and posting in the "12-Step" section here under alcoholism. There are maaaany strong AA ppl here and by reading their posts, exchanging ideas, and running things by them......you'll get a pretty good taste of what to look for in a real-life sponsor.
What to look for? Who's really working the program? Who's "recovered" and who's not? Has someone had a spiritual awakening as a result of the steps or are they just good talkers? Should I get someone "cool" that I can identify with or go for one of the hard-core type of person?
If we were transported back to grade school today and had to pick teammates for our baseball/basketball/whatever team at the end of the week......and we didn't know anyone at the school. What would we do? Well, for one, we'd ask around. We'd ask the kids who were there who we should consider for our team. Do that........
Don't try to just pick a sponsor. If you're new, you can't possibly know what to look for anymore than I could select a good jai alai player from a mediocre one. So, what ya do is ask around. Start getting honest.....maybe before the meeting or after the meeting. Start putting it out there that you're looking for someone and see who the ppl at the meeting recommend. Odds are.......they'll all recommend the same 1-4 ppl. THOSE are the folks you key in on - the ppl recommended by the ppl there who DO know what's going on and what to look for / what to avoid.
I'll tell ya this....... of the 10 or 15 ppl I thought had it "goin on" at the meetings I went to when I was new, I can think of maybe 2 of them I'd still consider a "good sponsor" now (with 5 yrs under my belt). Not that the others are bad AA members or anything like that.......they're just not ppl I'd recommend. Back when I was new though, I really thought a lot of them were something special.
Best case scenario.....one of the stronger members will just say to you, "I'm your sponsor." If that happens, consider yourself lucky. And no, you probably won't "like" them all that much at first.....lol. That just seems to be the norm. But know this, only the strongest ppl in the program take it seriously enough to KNOW that they MUST carry the message to newcomers or they're goose is cooked. On the flip side, most of the half-measure crowd will just sit back waiting for everyone else to do all the work.
** do some hanging out, reading and posting in the "12-Step" section here under alcoholism. There are maaaany strong AA ppl here and by reading their posts, exchanging ideas, and running things by them......you'll get a pretty good taste of what to look for in a real-life sponsor.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 316
Originally Posted by bjames 
What should I look for in choosing one?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Candi, sounds like our sponsors are very similar. Mine also tells me to shut up and listen. Well actually she swears a lot so I tend to do as I'm told! She also shows me such kindness and love that it overwhelms me frequently!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Cleveland, OH
Posts: 1,191
Quality not quantity. As mentioned above, sober time is not everything. There are some folks with a few months in that are every bit as qualified as a long timer to sponsor because they have done the work and have had a spiritual awakening as the result. Look for the folks who are on fire with sobriety. It is impossible to have a spiritual awakening and not be enthusiastic about passing it on.
Peace, Love, Sobriety
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 1,549
Originally Posted by 2granddaughters
I picked a sponsor with years of sobriety and a quality of life that I couldn't imagine ever having..... and I began to get it
All the best.
Bob R
All the best.
Bob R
I too did this and I am extremely happy.
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