kojo

I feel that I am at a crossroads. Drinking is making my life crazy. Nevertheless there are some good times, like tonight, that make me question the need to quit.

Maybe I can control this? Maybe I can manage to drink a couple of times per week without thinking about it incessantly and drinking 5 times as much as everyone that I'm with?

I'm on the waiting list for detox. Part of my knows that I need this. I'm wasting my life and my sanity. But at the same time I don't know what I need to get sober for. I don't have any children or partner to do it for. I have a job that I don't want to lose but not much else.

Yet, I can't go on like this. My sanity is slipping. Can I ever be ok with myself sober?

Dee74

The worst thing that can happen to an alcoholic like me is nothing...or having a good night where everything goes right.

It was those nights I'd cling to.... and I forget the hundreds of other nights where I ruined my evening or other peoples, or got into trouble, or sick or hurt...or started a bender that lasted for weeks.

Even the worst gambler can throw a good roll of the dice every so often Kojo...

Don't start thinking you're in control...drinkers like us never are...

I think you just had a lucky roll of the dice.

D

TorontoGuy28

NEVER question your decision to quit drinking. If you do, you'll stay in the vicious cycle of progressive alcoholism...

I think you still believe that one day, you might be able to drink like a normal person ?

That delusion needs to be CRASHED.

All the best.

Anna

You need to be highly motivated in order to stop drinking and stay sober. If you fear you are losing your sanity, isn't that reason enough to stop? Do it for yourself because you are worth it.

tomsteve

welp, how bout a puttin on some different glasses? ya see, from this side of the screen and readin what ya wrote, it doesnt really read like yer really havin a good time. it reads like a lot of confusion goin on in yer head and for me that aint no fun.

dont let the alcoholism talk ya out of doin what could very well save you and give you a life

sugarbear1

Staying stopped works best when we do it for ourselves!

I wish you well!

benice

You've gotten some great advice here. I hope you don't have to wait long. Keep reading and posting! I also wish you well...

bbthumper

"Can I ever be okay with myself sober?"

Of course! Millions of people are. I found my answers in AA and have a life better than I could have ever planned.
If you have tried controlling your drinking in the past with no success, chances are its not gonna happen. Some people manage to, they are not alcoholics. If you find you cannot control it, youve come to a good place.

Live2Run25

The fact that you are thinking about "controlling" it points out to me that you DO have a problem. Why do you need to have someone else to do it for?? Do it for yourself. You owe it to yourself. Alcoholism IS progressive and it will only get worse. If we have to THINK about control.. we are not meant to drink.. plain and simple. I wish the best for you. (hugs)

MrsKing

If you're on the waiting list for a detox then you know that realistically, you're not going to be able to ever control your drinking. There's a reason you need to go into detox, and it's not because you're doing fine the way you are and you're able to drink like the normal drinkers. Normal drinkers don't get onto waiting lists for detox. Normal people don't think about it incessantly, and normal drinkers probably don't even drink a couple of times a week, anyway.

Your sanity will regain itself if you get sober. Mine did. Of course you will be OK with yourself - you'll be SO much more OK with yourself than you are now, because you'll be doing something that you need to do... doing something that is benefiting yourself.

And it is only for ourselves that anyone really manages to stay sober. I've quit in the past because other people have told me that I should and because I've wanted to please others... it's only been this time that I've managed to stay sober, because I'm doing it completely selfishly. I'm doing it because I WANT it and I NEED it. Those two things are very important, I think.

Wishing you all the best.

2granddaughters

You will likely never be OK with yourself if you don't get sober.

You sound like me years ago... I had to have the life kicked out of me by alcohol before I surrendered. It was almost too late.

Please Google and read AA's "The Doctors Opinion". "How It Works" and "The Promises of Alcoholics Anonymous".

All the best.

Bob R

desertsong

It was those occasional times when I could drink "normally" that always eventually got me into trouble. I'd have 1-2 drinks, feel fine, and then stop. Then the next night, I'd figure I'd try it again, and I'd end up having 3-4, still feeling okay. The next night it would be one or two more ... and so on ... until it became 10, 12, 15 ... you get the idea.

It's the first drink that gets us into trouble. Every time.

You and your future are the most important reasons to quit. Do it for YOU!!

hypochondriac

I used to feel like that Kojo.

When I look back on my drinking though, the only times I have ever limited my intake has been when I was too sick to drink more.

I don't have a partner or children either and for a long time used that as my 'I'm not hurting anyone but myself' excuse.

But it was really mainly just the alcohol which made me think that I didn't matter. Fact was really I didn't want to be drinking. 80% of the time anyway, I felt like I was drinking under duress. Once the alcohol was gone my depression started to lift and I actually wanted to live again.

I'm glad you're getting help x

Hevyn

It was the thought of not wanting to lose the good times that kept me drinking for years beyond what I should have. I focused on the euphoria I once felt, not the hell my life turned into.

Alcoholism is a progressive disease - and I progressed to a 30-pack a day, plus 100-proof vodka in the end. Drinking 'round the clock, in a numb fog all the time. At the end of my drinking career, it was never fun - only dangerous and life threatening. I'm glad you're admitting that drinking is making your life crazy. I hope you'll get the help you know you need. We're all here for you kojo.

427

I'm only 2 days into this, and have "quit" many times before, but what stuck w/ me (and I need to be reminded of!!) is that non-alcoholics don't even consider this site, detox, "controlling" drinking, etc., as stated above. Nasty drug, it is, and legal!! Grrr. Hang tough. I believe in ya!