juliea

my names Julie I'm 22 years old my sobriety date is july 4 2012, so I've got almost 5 weeks. i went away for 10 days to a rehab. this is my first time getting sober. my drugs of choice were alcohol, marijuana, and pain pills. i am having a very difficult time with cravings and the fact that i will never be able to get drunk or high again. i know I'm supposed to only focus on today and all that, but to me, thats not realistic. i can't ever drink again. i can't ever smoke another joint, pop another pill. its a very scary thing to me. but its a fact. once i drink, the weed gets going, then the pills. and before i know it I'm snorting cocaine. I've only done cocaine a few times, it was never my drug of choice, but i know if i don't become sober, it will become my drug of choice.
i just would like to be normal. i want to be able to have a few drinks and not want to get completely wasted and then move on to drugs, which happens every time i drink. i can never just have one drink. that makes no sense to me, why drink if your not gonna get drunk? i keep telling myself just to focus on today and not so much into the future, my wedding when I'm not even engaged, my parents dying when they are far from it. but its very hard. i like being drunk, i like being high. it is fun. i lived my life that way for a good amount of time. everywhere i went i had to get high first, and i would cut things short so i could get back home and get high. i needed it to just feel normal after a while. i wasn't even getting high anymore, i literally had to snort some perks and smoke a bag just to get out of bed in the morning. its very difficult to come to the realization that i will never experience getting drunk again or getting high.

jakec

I can relate. Thinking Just For Today does help me out a ton, but sometimes I have that thought in the back of my mind thats stressing over staying sober forever.

I suggest looking into meditation, it's a great way to calm the mind from worries that you're having without having to put foreign chemicals into your body.

I wish you luck!

Jake

gincognito

5 weeks is impressive. Are there things you enjoy that you can focus on doing instead of focusing on all the things you can't do now? What are you doing to replace the old habits? For me it's mostly just meetings and exercise but at least it's something.

departure

Your post sounds like you are overwhelmed and feeling stressed out by reality. Reality simply "is" whether it is what we want or not. Here's something I heard in a meeting today about dealing with stress/stressful situations that resonated with me when our addicted mind is going

Relax. Take it easy. Don't struggle.
Ask for the right thoughts. Ask for the right action.

Anyway, I don't have much time in this, but take it for whatever it's worth and if it helps you to get through.

Dee74

Hi again Juliea

I think there's more to recovery than just not using or drinking.

I had to ask myself....what changes have you made to your life? are you trying to live your old life sober, or are you make real changes? are doing positive things that make you happy?

I think supports very important too whether you find it here or go to meetings, see a counsellor, whatever....does rehab have any after care?

Stick around a little - check out the Class of August thread too

D

tjololo

find the album of yours and see your very young age photos and see the happiness.
now try to recall what did you wanted to do at that time. and do it. make plans to expand that dreams. it's really very much interesting to make plans for our young age dreams and expanding it to future trust me i've done it. all people do this only.

2granddaughters

I found lasting sobriety in the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Please Google and read AA's "The Doctors Opinion", "How It works" and "The Promises of Alcoholics Anonymous?"

I wish you the best.

Bob R

Notmyrealname

Try to fill your life with other pleasant things if you can, to fill the gap that getting wasted used to fill. It's going to take some time to adjust, and you may fall down somewhere along the way. Becoming a drunk or a junkie is a learned process as much as unbecoming is a learning process.

What has helped me has been to look at sobriety as freedom from burdens. The burden of chronic hangovers, the financial burden of feeding my habit, the emotional burdens of guilt, remorse (add in your own here, there's no shortage of emotional burdens), the burden of hiding my drinking from everybody, uncertainty about whether I'll screw up enough to lose my job, just a lot of burdens, you know?

All that stuff goes away when you quit. It's a blessed relief. On a related note, I think it's easier to quit when drinking is really screwing your pooch because you can see a lot of major improvements right off the bat.

Good luck

tomsteve

i used to look past today and that i could never drink, smoke pot, or do all the other drugs i did. a very sober person pointed out that that statement is quite false. i can do any of em whenever i want. i proved for many years i can. what i cant do is do it and have anything good happen. what i do have is choices.
i am greatful for the choices i can make today, the greatest one being whether or not i take that next drink or drug. the 1st one will be the only one i have a choice over. after that the diseases of alcoholism and/or addiction kick in. they are diseases that tell me i dont have a disease, everythings allright, keep on drinkin/druggin. they are liars.

"i like being high. it is fun. i lived my life that way for a good amount of time. everywhere i went i had to get high first, and i would cut things short so i could get back home and get high. i needed it to just feel normal after a while."

i hope you can reread this and see there are underlying issues with ya. dont feel bad, i had em,too. if i didnt face em, i wouldnt have gotten and stayed sober. there is also a high probability that either you never really felt normal, or your perception of what normal is may be a lil sideways.

have you done anything for support from others who have been in your shoes to help you leanr how to live clean and sober?

blueshades

Way to go on nearly five weeks, juliea! Everything is real when we're not drinking, I've found. I also enjoyed being drunk, at least some of the time that I was drinking, but I also found that stressful situations became overwhelming after multiple days of living that life.

I think part of the recovery process is coming to terms that we are not "normal" when it comes to using drugs and/or alcohol. I'm not convinced that this is a bad thing though. Being normal is kind of boring isn't it?

Best wishes to you.

artsoul

Congrats on your 5 weeks, juliea!

I think we all start off drinking or using for the fun, but it's not fun when we get to the point where we can't enjoy anything without it. In an earlier post you talked about putting yourself in rehab..... think about what your life was like then, what you were feeling and thinking.

It took me many months to get comfortable with being sober and really start living again, so hang in there!

Live2Run25

I know it's cliche, but you really do have to take it one day at a time.. believe it or not, it will be easier and easier to go without it. 68 days ago I felt like you, not able to imagine never being able to drink again, but i'm doing great. My life has gotten better in so many ways. best of luck to you

tjololo

i've read your other post about ptsd and replied there as well. you know one thing good about you? you've used to get away from pain not for being classy or different. and now as that man has gone from ur life , your trauma is over. only thing left is the fear and effect of trauma which will surely disappear with time , family , and friends who care. keep doing the great work dear.