I'm not quite new here...
I don't really know how to start. I used to post here... last time was the end of October (I looked it up). At that point, I had been sober for a month and I felt great. I continued to not drink for another month or two after that, and then everything sort of fell apart. Looking back, I realize that I was looking for any excuse to be able to drink again. It's almost like I was just putting in my time or something.
So... now things are worse than ever before. I stopped drinking wine and moved on to vodka. Instead of waiting until after dinner, I now start at noon. I drink every single day, and if I don't, I definitely have withdrawal symptoms. Sweating, shaking, vomiting, etc. I never had that happen before. It scares me.
It's 5:30 in the morning, and in a few hours I have a dr. appt. I'm thinking about doing something that I've never done before, which is to talk to my dr about my drinking (I know, crazy, right?). I just don't know what else to do at this point...
So I don't really know what else to say. I guess I just really need a friend, as most people in my life would be shocked to know that I'm even drinking at all. I don't know why, but I don't want them to know. When everyone found out last fall that I had quit drinking the first time, it was the most humiliating experience of my life, and I hated how I was treated.
I'm sorry if this post is rambling or doesn't make much sense. I'm exhausted and my brain is very foggy. Just thank you for listening.