DisplacedGRITS

Glad to hear that, dig! We're here when whenever you need us!

SobrietyNow

i love these threads about controlled drinking. not because you stumbled, although i can relate to that many, many times over, but because you are very honest and that takes a lot. we have ALL had the exact same thoughts you are having right now. "is this a problem?" "seems okay." "maybe it's a problem." "no, it's good."
it's hard. and it's hard to admit that you have a drinking problem or that you may be an alcoholic. who wants to think that about themselves? Not I. But it is the truth, for me at least. i think that only you can decide what's right for you. the only thing i would say is that people that don't have a drinking problem probably don't wonder these things. someone said that to me recently and it actually made me laugh out loud because it's so true. so glad to see you had a sober weekend - it's so rewarding. best wishes to you dig!

NoFireWater

Dig, I think you're wise to look at it as a stumble, rather than a failure. We rarely succeed 100% the first time we try anything new in life. If you were learning to water ski you wouldn't fall once and never go again, you'd probably just get back up and try again. Just what you did here with the drinking, got back up and successfully tried again.

I don't think any of us like the word NEVER-it's overwhelming and brings out the contrary kid inside that says "oh yeah?" Seriously, if someone told me I could never have a popsicle again as long as I lived I'd be craving popsicles instantly.
I'm trying to avoid thinking about the never part and just trying to make it through each day.

Humiliated

I too went almost 2 weeks and then we had company over Saturday and I convinced myself that I could just have a few drinks. Unfortunately even when everyone else was done and leaving, I wanted the drinking to go on! Ended up drinking with alcoholic neighbor across the street and spent all day in bed yesterday. About a year ago I wanted to totally quit drinking and it was actually my husband that pressured me into believing I could moderate, always making it sound like it was just the hangover saying I should never drink again. Meanwhile he will make condencending remarks about me being an alcoholic, and actually said to me couple weeks ago that I'm an alcoholic but he accepts me for who I am. I got pisse and he tried to play it off like he was joking, but there was truth in his words. I always wonder if he is afraid of me being sober and not feeling worthless?

coffeebean1

You didn't fail. If anything, it sounds like you kept your cool and stayed in control.

Mel12

Dear Dig,

It is great to talk about the all-or-nothing approach in the open. What an important issue!

Speaking for myself only, I am happy to be free from thinking about alcohol: "hang on for another couple of hours, then you can have a martini . . ."

The OCD mental chatter on private "theories and rules" for controlled drinking was frittering away my mental powers.

Remember in Psycho how Norman Bates at the end does not swat the fly, to prove he is not violent? The amount of thinking he put into "not doing something" conveyed how utterly crazy he was.

I do not want to live my life like Norman Bates in Psycho, by wasting an insane amount of mental energy to "prove I can control my drinking."

I simply do not have the extra mental energy to spare. It has proven easiest for me to just not drink. Since deciding, I have been enjoying the added mental real estate.

I do not think of it as a question of all-or-nothing thinking (which is generally a bad thing). I think of it as a question of avoiding unnecessary labor, of simplifying life by becoming aware of my priorities.

I hope this does not sound like I am lecturing anyone--especially since I am the original party man for whom all this is still rather new. I am just trying to convey one tiny bit of self-awareness that came to me after I stopped drinking. It is great NOT to have to think about using.

Mel

duane1

Dig, you are where I was 5 years ago. I had stopped for a month and said to my wife at a neighbor's party, "Hey, I proved I can stop. I can have a few at the party and go about my life as a once in a while social drinker."
That was 5 years ago. Since then, my problem got much worse. My drinking became heavier. Health issues started to crop up.
I am on the outside now for nearly 2 months. Even w/ the health issues, my AV doesn't seem to think my problems are so bad that I can't have a few drinks at a festival like I was at this weekend. After all, how often do I go to festivals?
Alcoholism gets progressively worse as you feed it. Giving into that voice makes it's resolve stronger. As another poster suggested, you are playing with fire.

Pondlady

Dig,
Last summer I tried mm. This summer I quit all alcohol. Quitting is actually easier once you make up your mind to do so.

I remind myself that no one regrets NOT drinking the morning after. Welcome.