LostOnceAgain

Hi everyone. Just call me Thomas, I am a paranoid person and not comfortable disclosing my name just yet. I am 21 years old, and I am currently in active addiction again. I w il give a short history of my past. I met addiction last year when I tried crack cocaine for the first time, and my life changed forever. I was addicted from the first hit. I loved it so much that I lost my job, my apartment, my girlfriend and mostof all my dignity. My family suggested I get treatment so I did an inpatient 30 day program. I went to a 3/4 eay house for awhile after that then moved back to my city. I haven't touched cocaine since Setember 2011. However, I started abusing adderall 3 months ago. My tolerance got so high they became useless. I started searching for something stronger, and I found crystal methamphetamine a month ago. I fell in love all over again. I lied to myself like I always do and I told myself I can control this. In the past month, I have gone from snorting meth, to smoking, to injecting the drug. I finished a 2 day bender yesterday.I talked to a good friend I met in rehab and he is telling me to go check back in and detox. I am crashing, and having extreme cravings, more meth is a phone call, but I can't go on. I want to be happy. I dont know if I will stop right now. I know I don't see myself much longer if I continue. , I just need support, my mind is really messing with me. Is it truly possible to be happy while clean? I just dont love myself, but I want to. I feel as if I am loving touch with reality

Dee74

There's no need to disclose anything you don't want to LostOnceAgain

I'm an alcoholic but I know you can absolutely be happy in recovery - getting clean and sober was absolutely the best decision I ever made

Theres a ton of support here - SR really helped me turn my life around - I know you can find help here too

We also have a substance abuse forum you might like to check out too
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Welcome!
D

MrsKing

Hi Thomas, welcome to SR. It's a great place to be - people here know what you're going through and want to help you. There is so much support and understanding on these boards.

I'm sorry to hear you're having such a difficult time. My addiction is alcohol, so although I don't know what you're going through precisely, I know how it feels to stop using something you need. Like Dee said, being sober is the best decision I've ever made, and though it's taken a while to get where I am now, my life has changed so much and I am finally a happy person... something I haven't been for a very long time.

You can do it Thomas. Stay strong and keep going. I wish you all the best on your journey.

sitdownshutup

it gets worse never better. you gotta jump off that train now. give it a shot. get involved in a 12 step based program. Surround yourself with quality sober people. You have to decide if you have has enough. If you have, then you will be willing to do whatever it takes. Life doesnt just get better it gets f...ing amazing. I was on your boat. been sober for 10 months. Is everything perfect? nope. Its sure as hell better than it was before though. good luck.

CarolD

Welcome to our newer members....

LostOnceAgain.....

sitdownshutup....

aeo1313

There is happiness out there but you need recovery to get to it. Welcome

artsoul

Welcome LostOnceAgain (and sitdown, too!)

At the end of my drinking, I felt like I was living on the verge of a nervous breakdown all the time. It's a scary place to be. Of course, I was also terrified to give it up.

I know it's hard to imagine right now, but things really will get better once you get sober again. Admitting your problem and reaching out for help is a huge step.

NCBlue

Hey, just reading your post LostOnceAgain...

Never done meth, but have used Adderall, Ritalin and Cocaine in the past and getting off that was very difficult. I had to get into rehab because I could party for days on end and the drugs fueled the drinking and vice versa. My blood pressure was so crazy when I went to the hospital. Not sure what to tell you but going to rehab helped me the first time I quit and I have since relapsed twice but quit on my own or with help from friends. Getting rid of my druggie friends helped. You gotta burn those bridges down and break away from people that use.

It's been very hard not to use Adderall or other stimulants, I think the last time I have had any Aderall was over a year ago. It's been over 9 years since I did Cocaine. I still have dreams about drugs. Guess I will always crave them. I know I have to stay away from them. I have lost several friends to cocaine/pills/drinking...I don't want to go out like that.

Hope you find a way...hugs.

FreddyFatal

Agree! I was living in a constant state of anxious paranoia at the end of my binge drinkining.. and the only thing I felt could cure it was to drink another ten beer. Things do get better.

DisplacedGRITS

it is possible to love life in recovery! my paranoia was so horrible when i was drinking. everyone was talking about me and when things went wrong in my life it was because people were sabotaging me. it was all about me. i'm a bit narcissistic to begin with but it was out of control when i was drinking. recovery isn't easy but it's worth it. you have to be willing to do the work. you have to be willing to not look for the easy fix. sure a drug will give you that instant fix but is it going to solve the problem that caused you to feel ill at ease? is it going to give you real peace of mind? no. it defers and it brings with it it's own set of problems. you know what they are. it alters your mind so much and it latches onto you like a parasite. it tells you how much you need it and by then you're so mentally weak and ill from it that you believe it. you're tired and your hurt but you obviously want more out of life than your drugs have given you. once that high is gone what is left? not much. in recovery, once you deal with your problems, what's left is the rest of your sober life which can be pretty great. you've experienced it. you know it's out there. welcome to SR. we'll do everything we can to support you. it's up to you to do the hard work of recovery. many of us have made it and are making it every day and we are no different than you. if we can do it, you can do it. come join us. you've got it in you.