newhope01

I already relapsed yesterday... I only made it through a whole day and I was doing fine the second day until my friend knocked on my bedroom door, drink in hand, and asked if I wanted to come out and drink with her. My first thought was, "No! But I know I will now anyway." I resisted for awhile but as the night dragged on and they kept refilling their glasses I thought, "I can have just one." Nope, I can't and I knew that already. My one drink soon became two, then three, then I found myself taking shots in secret so my friends didn't know how much alcohol I really consumed. They left to go to the bar and I opted to stay home but after they left I noticed they left their bottle and I took one more shot. Alone.... Here I am again, alone and drunk.

I woke up the next day feeling guilty but I promised myself that this time I will be able to go longer without drinking. So far, Day 1 and I'm still sober and the bottle is still here. Hopefully tomorrow will be just as successful. I'm not so much terrified anymore because I already relapsed and I don't want to be too hard on myself. I know I can do this, I just need to have faith in myself and change a lot of my current behaviors and thinking.

icanwin

Hey Newhope nothing is lost! You can change your life by changing the way you feel.
Today is Friday. If you could stay without drinks over the weekend! And wake up on Monday strong and free. What a great feeling.

You don't need to be great to start, but you need to start to be great! -Zig Ziglar

Start newhope, Start!

Rudie

I was there, friend. I'm still working on breaking out of this terrible cycle. I never thought in a million years I would be able to break the addiction. Today is my 45th day clean, the longest I've been sober in at least ten years.

I'm feeling good, strong and relaxed for now, although that can change from day to day. Keep at it, friend. You will find lots of support here. There is a much better life just waiting for you. I'm praying for the both of us!

newhope01

Thank you so much for your kind words and support. I really need all that good stuff right now.

Rudie

Your story sounds like a chapter from my own. I am a lonely depressed drunk as well. Surrounded by my wife and kids every day, my disease tricked me into feeling like the loneliest, most worthless guy on the planet.

After six weeks clean and sober, today my wife told me that each day is like a new gift. The old 'me' is coming back to her a little more every day. If I'm still in there, I'd bet money that the old you is in there too. In fact I'm sure it is. Alcoholism sucks, it's arbitrary and unfair. It takes enormous effort to become free. But lots of people have, and continue to do it.

Do you have a support system, folks to talk to, and or help? Working any programs or anything?

FBL

I was pretty much a miserable, lonely drunk for the last 10 years of my drinking career. I finally decided to quit and the past 3 years have been the best of my adult life. I'm back to the fun-loving, outgoing person I was before my brain became saturated with alcohol. Give yourself a chance, the benefits of living sober are amazing!

newhope01

Unfortunately, this forum is my only support system. I realized that I really can't attend AA anymore b/c it may compromise my job. But, believe it or not this forum is proving to be a great support system for me. I kept thinking today about alcohol but I then I also kept thinking of this forum. And here I am on day 2! Hopefully I can continue through Saturday... That is going to be the true test.

OklaBH

Welcome! You are in a good place. Beginnings are always scary and awkward. This "no drinking" thing gets easier. BTW..how would AA jeopardize your job?

Glad you're here keep posting.

newhope01

Where I work everyone is under the impression I lack a drinking problem and one of my co-worker/buddies is an NA member and attends the same meetings and I dont need it getting back to work. My line of work requires total abstinence from alcohol/ other drugs.

Rudie

I was a bit curious how AA may affect your job as well! I work for UPS and was too scared to ask for help through my company with my alcoholism. I really should have as my hand was forced when I got a DUI in May. Now it's out there for all to see.

Even with all the BS I have had to go through, I am so glad it happened. My work put me through treatment, and I feel like I'm on the right track for the first time in soo long. A professional driver sounds pretty pathetic with a DUI. Funny as it sounds I think it saved my life.

There are many paths to the top of the mountain. My journey is just beginning, as is yours. I wish you the best of luck. This drinking is a bear man! If there is anything I can do to help you on your path, let me know. You can do this!!!

hypochondriac

Gosh Newhope, I think that is a good a reason as any to get the help you need. So few of us manage this alone. I'm not sure SR on it's own would be enough for me, I know it is for a lot of people, but putting my sobriety first, I don't think it's worth the risk finding out. I think it would have really jeopardised my job and caused me a lot of embarrassment if my drinking problem was known at work. Now I'm sober though, if anyone found out I was going to AA, I could just turn around and say 'Well yes, I had a problem but I dealt with it'. You can't get into trouble for something you don't do anymore right?

I can understand your concerns though, mine were the same. Could you try and get some one on one addiction counselling through your doctor? At least you know that would be confidential.

You can do this! I hope you're feeling more positive today x

russ32

just go down the pub by yourself, always someone to talk to there lol, thats what I do haha

Rudie

I think this plan may be a bit premature for a dyed in the wool alcoholic with a day of sobriety... I agree that it may be helpful to seek the advice of your physician, however. Maybe there is another meeting in your area that you wouldn't run into other co-workers?

newhope01

Im not quite sure if you're trying to make a little joke or something but I don't find your comment funny.

ru12

Perhaps you could try online meetings? SMART has a couple a day. Maybe an addiction therapist might help. At least it would be private. But nothing is going to work until you stop making excuses to drink. It is very hard at first, but it gets easier. And you won't have to worry about work if you don't drink. I find it rather sad that you would suffer repercussions at work for trying to get sober.

Zencat

Maybe you will attend AA in the future. Until then SR has become my primary wellness support and can be very helpful for you too. I do attend AA once a week. Mostly so to get out of the house.

Joining the current Newcomers Daily Support Class of July can give you a more personal experience as you get and give encouragement to remain sober. My December 2011 Class keeps me motivated to be honest with accountability and encouraged to go forward with my alcohol/drug free lifestyle.

In addition to you participation here at SR, having a recovery tool box filled with recovery tools like; Women for Sobriety, SOS, LifeRing, SMART, CBT, DBT and AVRT will make for good skill set of recovery practices.

Weasel1966

NH,

I read your title and had to respond.

Really?

You think you are a lonely drunk?

No such thing.... There are, at least on this site alone, over 100,000 more like you.

Now that does not mean you're not special. We all have our uniqueness.

But know you're never alone. And the fact you posted here means you know that.

All my best to you!

Ken

soberbrooke

I needed the support from friends to do it. I needed AA this time, as I had tried in the past to quit and just couldn't do it. I couldn't do it by my own will, the alcohol had such a strong hold on me.
It kept calling me back to it, it kept me.
I needed AA and a sponsor. I got a sponsor immediately, and she really helped me to understand - I am powerless over alcohol, my life is unmanageable with alcohol.

NatalieN

We may live in a house full of people but while in the grasp of addiction our ability to isolate and feel lonely is amazing. I am familiar with this feeling. My experience is that it goes away in sobriety.

There are many recovery options out there, for all tastes and inclinations. Not one has a monopoly on recovery. Explore the many links provided by zencat. I use 3 different modalities and from AA I surely take what works and leave the rest. I attend an average of 2 meetings per month and go out to dinner with some of the women there after the meeting. I don't subscribe to the powerlessness approach of their philosophy but the support of these women friends is awesome. Why do people who attend weight watchers meetings keep the weight off longer than non-meeting attendees? Because the support provided by a group of individual sharing common goals and experiences is one of the most effective therapeutic tools there is. Many on this forum are staying sober by just loggin on here, reading and sharing.

Best wishes to you.



Nothing changes if nothing changes. Willingness to try something new is the key here. Give yourself the gift of willingness. Just try something new and see what happens. Have a plan for the next time your friend knocks on your door drink in hand. This is bound to happen again soon. Be prepared.

Best wishes to you on this journey.

Natalie

2granddaughters

Are you attending AA meetings regularly?

I found I couldn't get sober by my willpower. I needed AA as countless other alcoholics had.
Google and read AA's "How It Works" and "The Doctors Opinion". Can you identify with them?

All the best ..

Bob R