Eunectes

Well that's me up and had the dog out, and just spoke to my sponsor who was quite disappointed...but at least that's done. Hes gonna phone back after work so hopefully he's got the patience to give me yet another chance. Totally sucks in this flat, hardly any food at all, my own fault from last week I know but it doesn't help the mood. There, that's my daily moan lol

sissy07

I am so sorry. A lot of us had "false starts". That is very good that you called your sponsor already. Don't give up! Don't drink!

Innerchild

Great job on calling your sponsor.

soberbrooke

I haven't relapsed this time, but I have ALL of my other times. My sponsor was very forgiving because they always knew how baffling, cunning and powerful this addiction is. It is on the television constantly getting at us, it is everywhere I go. I have got to change all of my habits and my friends if this is going to work for me.

Stevie1

Took guts to call your sponsor...relapses happen to all of us and they're never worth it.
(((hug)))

Seo

Hey im on day 2 also....lets support each other.

Seo

Hi Eunectes,

How are you today? I wish you peace and joy and happiness just for today :-)

Well Im on day 3 now, I had terrible sweats last night and major bouts of dizziness and tiredness. I dont have much clarity of mind but at least im still sober. Im busy remembering that I will never be the source of my own sobriety and that it has to come from a different place of mind, Psyche, unconcious, whatever Higher Power one turns to. My issues have really come from forcing my will on to this.

catlover17

I'm on day 2 too, again.. do you use AA Seo? I haven't been yet but really need to i think. I have terrible night sweats too (when i do sleep). From my experience they stop after a few days to a week

Nice meeting you

Seo

Im on day four in the very early hours of the morning..Sometimes I use AA. Of course I never want to go but I need to try and break the loneliness. alcoholics are the only people who can relate.. im also a member of SLAA..

My problem is still believing I have some power. I see it in others here too who keep asking "why cant I...". Surrendering is the hardest thing, addiction actually feeds off that voice which says "i can change this". Yet step 1 is the foundation for the whole program. Im a bit worried I dont sense Higher Power with me right now.

How are you? May today bring you some peace.

Seo

I just reread my earlier message. The stuff I wrote on surrender proves without a doubt that my Higher Power IS with me, despite me not seeing this. I really couldnt write something like that on my own. Im so grateful for this awareness.

catlover17

hi seo,

wow, i really know what you mean, just about to go to bed and that is a great belief to sleep on..

hope you have a great sleep,

peace to you

ps what is SLAA?

Seo

Ya I think step one understanding is key. Theres no doubt that its a tough step and its always my downfall. Theres a poem I once wrote about step one which Ill paste below. Slaa is another 12 step group and is sex and love addicts anonymous. Its nothing to do with physicality in the sense thats its just another form of the disease although it comes out in obsessive thinking:-

Oh looming angel how you scold me,
Forcing me to grow by day Honoured touch your lashes hurt me
still there is no other way,

Stubbornly I try to protest
as you raise the sword in hand, sent by him who knows me better, holds my life upon his hand,

Screeching on the ground with loathing
like a demon lost in hell.
Blessed lash you cleanse each moment
for my soul you will not sell

Your wings I hear them crash above me
brilliant white like clouds in sky Legs like steel and eyes so fiery
I have no choice to do or die.

Blessed being soar above me
rain down truth to wash me clean. Purer brighter understanding
From the worlds of all unseen. .................................................. ..................................................