appleton02

Hello,

So I've known that I've been an Alcoholic for quite some time. I'm 28 and have been drinking heavily every day for the last couple of years. I could begin to dive into the reasons why I started drinking so heavily but I'm sure you've heard them all before and I don't want to bore you. The thing is though, I've gotten really, really good at hiding my problem. I haven't hit "rock bottom" but I know I'm killing myself and, in the meantime, not functioning at the level I'm capable of. No one knows. My girlfriend, who I practically live with, doesn't even know. I'm incredibly embarrassed that I start drinking usually before 3 P.M., usually because I start to feel weird or get the shakes...which is just embarrassing and I do my best to hide it. I don't know how things have come this far but, nonetheless, they have. I'm not religious at all so please don't include any of that stuff in your responses (if you're kind enough to offer anything). No disrespect, it's just not for me. I just feel like a complete fraud and I want to get better. Does anyone have any advice that doesn't involve AA meetings? I'm all ears. Drinking is no longer fun for me and I can't keep doing this.

Thanks guys, in advance.

pauladmits

Wow, sounds pretty familiar. I'm 28 also and feel like I've been hiding it very well from my gf and family... and spent almost 2 years drinking before 3pm. Never got belligerent or did anything damaging to anyone, just needed that fix for myself throughout the day. We are what they call real life functioning alcoholics.

I also am trying to do this with out AA meetings. My best advice is to use us as much as possible. You will not bore us with your stories and it can actually help people relate. Plus you will get so much support. It's hard to give advice because everyone has different things that work for them, so you really have to want it and go on the journey yourself to get it. But there are so many resources, so much reading material, so many stories here that you can easily figure out what path you want to take!!

Most importantly, get started right now! Wish you the best of luck!

fairenough

Welcome! You've come to the right place. There are a lot of people here who have been in the same situation as you and are very helpful. I know you're not interested in AA; if it is because you figure it's religious, I personally have not found that - and in my area they have a meeting for atheists and agnostics. Though I haven't been to it, I know it exists. There are other options, such as SMART. Also, considering how you've been feeling, please consider seeing a dr and being straight about what's going on. I wish I hadn't waited so long. I sure was ill. I wish you the best. Hang around and read. The people here are so supportive!

Dee74

Hi Appleton

There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players (including but not limited to AA):

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

Welcome

D

Stevie1

Hi Appleton, I was 27 when I first acknowledged I was an alcoholic and at 54 I'm still fighting it so I am really glad you're tackling this now! I've also been in the situation of hiding my drinking from a partner. Not fun and really bad karma.

I am an atheist and most definitely un-godly but am making AA work for me regardless; just wanted to throw that out there. Plenty of non-religious folks in AA, including my sponsor who has 17 years sober and does not believe in God. You might also want to look into SMART recovery. Another option is a therapist with experience in addictions - I am doing therapy + AA, and my therapist is a cognitive-behavioural type which is a nice complement to the AA stuff.

May or may not be your issue but many people (myself included) use alcohol to "self medicate" underlying brain cooties/mental/emotional issues and simply quitting alcohol won't fix that. Which is why, IMHO, most people need support and a long-term strategy not just to quit, but to STAY quit and be happy about it.

ChasingJme03

26 year old year who has been an alcoholic for about 5 years. I dont have a boyfriend but my roommates are unaware of my problem and I drank all the time. Keep with it. SR has been a blessing to me. Welcome and hopefully you stay with us.

MrsKing

Welcome to SR appleton. Just by coming here you are making a great step - there is so much knowledge and support within these boards.

I too am not religious, and for 2 months I decided to go it alone and just quit alcohol and hope for the best. It actually went perfectly well, but then I found AVRT (they have a crash course online and it takes about 10 minutes) and it fit me PERFECTLY. It teaches you how to cope with your addictive voice and makes you realise that no matter what that voice tells you, it is YOU that is in control, and ultimately only you that takes that first sip.

It gives you a great feeling of control and power over that voice, and makes you realise how little and pathetic it really is!

But of course, that's just one way to go. There are so many different programmes and lots of people swear by AA.

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR Appleton

I used AVRT to help me because I'm an atheist and had a whole problem with the powerless thing in AA. You can do the crash course online, read the Rational Recovery book, and participate in the threads here.

Personally I found being accountable was a huge step. When it was just me on my own I found I was pretty good at lying, even to myself. Posting on here helped immensely, as has telling my family, and of course, my doctor. He's the big one because he cares about what I care about I would strongly recommend a trip to the doctors before you quit as they will be able to check that you are medically fit to do so. And go for regular check ups too. Most places will have addiction services too which you can usually self refer to and you can get counselling there too.

Glad you're posting here.

p.s. I am nearly 31 and I so wish I'd managed to quit before I was 30! Do it now x

Eddiebuckle

Hi Appleton,

I too was pretty good at hiding my problem, at 28 I didn't often have the shakes or typically drink at 3pm, although I would gladly have one pretty much 24/7. I was able to carry on until I was 43, at which point I definitely had the shakes on a daily basis, was drinking everyday as soon as I could get off work (often earlier than 3pm), and found it harder and harder to make the shakes go away or get the euphoric feeling from alcohol. Through that period of time I never lost a job, much less over alcohol, never had legal or obvious medical issues, etc... which was one way I was able to convince myself I didn't have a problem. The thing is, even if you are able to avoid the typical consequences from drinking, alcohol will take you to the point where you would rather die than continue living like you are.

Quit any way that you can. I ultimately checked myself into rehab (which floored my family and friends, they had no clue I was drinking a liter of vodka every day), and I too had absolutely no need or interest in this "higher power" crap. That is, until I was released and found that while I hadn't had a drink for six weeks, not much else had changed... and I did go to an AA meeting, because I was squirrely as hell. It took a good six months to get to where I could understand that with the possible exception of my sponsor, nobody else was particularly interested in who or what my higher power was. My first AA meeting was in February 2010, and I haven't had a drink since. Here is the kicker - all I really wanted was to stop drinking. What I got is sobriety, peace of mind, and a life that I truly enjoy living. AA does not have a patent on sobriety, and I would venture to say that the majority of AA members only concern is that you stop and stay stopped - regardless where and how you get to that state. There are other options, AVRT, SMART, etc. - find what works for you and if you make the same effort at sobriety that you made at drinking, your chances are good.

One common thread as I understand it in all sobriety is absolute honesty. Denial is the cornerstone of addiction, and working with others who know what it's like to quit and are willing to call you on it if you start slipping into self delusion about your actions is really critical IMO.

Good luck - this is worth so much more than you probably realize. Keep posting...

mecanix

I think for me it was an influence of all kinds of things , one of them was the AA book .

For me it was when i fully admitted i was an alcoholic to myself and that i never wanted to drink again ever .. ever... and that a life without a drink seemed like some kind of lovely dream , whlist crawling to the toilet after a binge on a couple bottles of whiskey and not making it ..

10 months on and i'm living the dream of my life .

2granddaughters

AA is not "religious". I am not "religious" and AA has kept me sober for almost 23 yrs.

I found AA to be just the ticket for an alcoholic of my sort. I wish you the best in your chosen program and AA will always be there if you need it.

Bob R

sugarbear1

Welcome to SR!

Glad you are here!

You've made a great decision to stay stopped. There are many programs to help you on your journey to recovery. Recovery is so much more than just sobriety and abstinence, but you'll find that out in time.

SMART, Rational Recovery, AVRT, Life Ring are a few options. Do a search on recovery options without AA.

Stick around at SR! We can help you out, too!!

Steve07

Welcome, as many people have posted above there are alternative options for seeking help and support. Take a look at the link they have provided and see if any of those options appeal to you. It's great you recognize your addiction at your age and want to address it now. Stick around here and let us know how you are coming along, and remember you are not alone on this journey.

Tom444

I don't know much about AA or any other recovery programs and their number of steps in to recovery but I believe in my own steps which comes from a desire for better life and the bitter experiences I have had in the past. So just try every possible way you can and follow the best one which is more effective for you. Motivation will come from experience by naturally. Best of luck :-)

EXM6

For me, I think getting wrapped up in the idea of being a 'functional alcoholic' is absolutely dangerous. I think one of the first helpful realizations is that no matter how high you may be functioning, if you're drinking is out of control, you're just one drunken incident away from screwing up your life. I too, liked to think of myself as a functional alcoholic. I went to university full time, worked full time, and had my daughter full time. I did this all while having a full blown alcohol problem for close to ten years. If that isn't considered functional, I don't know WHAT is. I got to a point in my life where I wasn't even drinking that often, definitely less often than I ever have been... and I wound up in jail, twice, within two months of each other for different things. I lost my career as a substance use counselor for youth and in a month I will be homeless. Meeting me, you would NEVER suspect any of this was going on in my life. I'm articulate, attractive, intelligent, polite, and fun to be around. Having an alcohol problem, you are really only one circumstance away from ending up any where... Holding on to the label of "highly functioning alcoholic" only makes ourselves feel better.

I'm only 40 some odd days in, so I feel many of the other people who have given you advice will probably know better... but for me, I opted to get a substance use counselor, come to this website when I need a reminder when my need to drink gets a little out of control or I need to vent... and read up as much as I can about alcoholism. I have also decided to go to rehab, but the waiting list is long so I still have a few months to go before my intake date. I picked a facility that didn't use a 12 step program.

I really feel like things really started to fall into place for me is when I just finally "got it." I was admitting to being an alcoholic YEARS before I truly understood what this meant for me. I don't think you can predict or facilitate events that make you REALLY understand this unfortunately. I find reading other people's stories about what they have been through -- describing triggers and things they do to hide the drinking really helps... You find yourself laughing out loud because you realize that a million other people have pulled off the same bizarre behaviour you have.

Never feel bad about venting here or sharing your stories. I have vented about the most redundant, childish, stupid situations and there have ALWAYS been people willing to listen and give advice. It's a great place. Glad you came.

Zencat

Welcome to SR appleton02

Don't concern yourself about hitting "rock bottom" because its not necessary to do so in order to start a new life free from alcohol. People enter recovery for a multitude of reasons, rock bottom being only one of them.

As an "implicit atheist" my addiction treatment plan is free from religion, spirituality of a religious nature, the supernatural and anything else that may be spooky to me. But none of all that is even the slightest hindrance to me and others similar to me in lack of faith on wither I recover or not from alcoholism/addiction. So you will be able to recover without having being a religious recovery program.

I would suggest staying active here at SR. Read, post and reply, maybe join a daily check-in group here and use SR as a recovery plan. SR is a great place to start ones recovery journey.

Anna

Welcome Appleton,

As you see, there are many ways to recover from alcoholism. The main thing is the motivation that you have and will need to have in order to recover.

Live2Run25

Welcome Appleton.

I too was under the assumption that because I had a pretty normal life, that there was nothing wrong with me. But then I lost and engagement, and then went down hill from there.. black outs, doing things I didn't remember, hurting myself.. You DON'T want to lose everything if you can stop it now, trust me.

You can do this. I am not religious either. I am on SR every day. That's all i'm doing and i'm 31 days sober today.

artsoul

Welcome appleton!

As you can see from the responses, you're not alone in this! As far as rock bottom goes, it's your choice. It's whenever you decide you don't want it to get any worse, and that you deserve a better life.

Look into some of the things others have suggested and find what works for you. There so much inspiration here - I know you'll get a lot of great ideas if you stick around.

freshstart57

Appleton2, welcome to the team here at SR. Yes, you have made the most important first step by realizing that you have a problem with alcohol, and that you need to take control of it.

Meetings are not required for sobriety as folks have been getting sober for about 4000 years without them. On the other hand, many of us, AA supporters or otherwise, agree that finding acceptance, understanding and support from other people as we begin our journey to be helpful. That support can come from SR if you like, or from regular face to face meetings.

The revelation that we individually can quit drinking can be arrived at through many ways, and they all can work. For some folks, this can be arrived at by having your Dr. tell you to stop it, and stop it right now. Some find a renewed relationship with God and a daily prayer to be the answer for them. Still others have found sobriety by finding the ability to make abstinence a moral question. The common thread is the commitment to a better life for themselves and for those who love them.

I wish you the best on your journey, Appleton2. Continue to post and read here, there is much support for you at SR.