aeo1313

I know there have been threads on this, but quite frankly I just got in from a run and am sweaty and wanted to post quick.

Anywho...if any of you have been following my posts I have been wishy washy on sobriety lately and not been attending meetings. I don't enjoy meeting with my sponsor- I like her, but there is just something about her. Also, I called her Saturday to tell her it was my 60 days and she hasn't called me back...she never returns my phone calls.

There is another woman with 5 years of enviable, possitive recovery. She leads a life I would love to lead and does not have much drama at all in her life. I would like to ask this woman to sponsor me.

How should I go about this? In the beginning my sponsor told me if our sponsorship doesn't work for me I can drop her, but only after I have found a new one. I just hate hurting her feelings but I also need to do what is best for me.

Advise?

karilynn27

Your sponser gave you instructions in the beginning, simply follow them. I doubt her feelings will be hurt. this is about you staying sober. For me to drink is to die and I had to become willing to go to any lengths to get it. If this woman has what you want, ask her if she's available.
Hang in there:ghug3

Sapling

I agree.

2granddaughters

You could call your present sponsor and fire her ... she wouldn't return your call. j/k

You could talk to this new lady about exactly what you posted here and see what she says, then humbly and with gratitude take leave of your present sponsor.
It would be difficult but positive in the long run.... we don't do difficult well.

All the best.

Bob

Sapling

HA!....I love it.

PaperDolls

A sponsor that doesn't return your calls?
End it.

My suggestion ... call the woman you want to sponsor you .... ask her. Whether she accepts or not get her advice on ending it with the other woman. Also, don't delay ... in the past I made some hasty decisions on sponsors and ending it and it didn't turn out well for me. Not trying to scare you just sharing my experience.

Congrats on the work you've been doing! It's not always easy but it's always worth it!

PaperDolls

You say j/k like it's ain't the truth!

Anna

I hope you find the support you are looking for.

Dee74

me too A - I reckon if this woman has what you're looking for in your life - go for it

D

aeo1313

I did it- i asked and she said yes. She hesitated at first bc she has quite a few sponcees, but said that she feels we have a connection and she would be honored. YEAH!!

aeo1313

Just called and left a message with my old sponsor telling her I found someone new. That's hard to do!

Sapling

You think she'll call back?

CraigA

Good for you sometimes working a program means we have to do things we don't want to do. I too had to change sponsors twice early on and just like you I didn't want to hurt his feelings but there wasn't a connection, when I call there would be silence, I didn't know what to do but he would have one-two word answers and I can hear him talking to someone else. Then I found another and again we just didn't connect nothing was wrong we just didn't connect. This sobriety is about change and we need to have someone we connect with or we don't grow. Good job for standing up for your program, keep up the work and soon you will be somebodies sponsor!!! God Bless you on your journey through the steps!!!

ACT10Npack

If you don't feel comfortable with your sponsor then dump her. Your going to hurt peoples feelings on the way. It's part of life and you need to learn that. Personal, don't wait until you find a new sponsor to dump the current one.

Finding the right sponsor is hard to do because you truly don't know the person until you have some time with them. Look at it as dating someone. You want someone that has same or similar believes, can get along with and you can trust. Don't worry about how long they have been sober. Finding a 20 years over a 5 years does not mean the 20 years makes a good sponsor.

Good Luck!

sugarbear1

I hear ya! I'm happy for you, too!

I suggest calling your old sponsor tomorrow, if she hasn't called you back yet, and leave a message asking how she was and if she were okay as you haven't heard back from her yet and you were concerned about her welfare. Just a suggestion.

Hugs,

karilynn27

Congrats, I too had moments like this where what I had to do to stay sober seemed very difficult. Things get easier with practice, took me forever to text and make phone calls and I only did then because I was told to and wanted to stay sober so I was willing to follow directions. Now the lady who taught me how to pick up that 1000 lb phone runs out of minutes on her phone. She sure gives it away to keep it.
ODAAT
K

PaperDolls

Awesome aeo! Things are looking up!

aeo1313

Now I am battling in my head if changing sponsors was the right thing to do. My old one was a lot like me and I think my new one is not...I have a feeling we are opposites on political/social views. Doing a fifth step with my old sponsor was no big deal to me bc I told her everything and knew she had probably done it too. My new one is more "proper" than I am and I was thinking this was a good thing, bc I don't want my past actions to be accepted..I want someone to think they are as bad as I do...even my husband accepts the things I've done. I just want someone to say to me, "no, that is not how an adult behaves and it's not ok".

I am going crazy in my head...at a meeting this week a guy tapped me on the head as he was leaving and told me to "stay out of there". How true!

Sapling

They say your Higher Power speaks to you in meetings...There might be something to that.

2granddaughters

Truth is, if the new girl doesn't work out I bet the old one will take you back. That's why we don't burn bridges.... we might need them in the future.

The guy tapped you on the head because he knows exactly what's going on in there.. we all do. We are all like that. You are no different. It will work out.

All the best.

Bob R