Changing sponsors
Choosing Life
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
My first sponsor was my age, had two years of sobriety, and I felt we were a lot alike. That's why I chose her. She ended up being TOTALLY the wrong choice for me but that wasn't her fault. Her approach was just not what I needed. When I called for support, she didn't answer. She didn't return phone calls. When we got together, I got lectured. When I relapsed, I got lectured even more. It just felt like it was her way or no way.
I decided after my last relapse that we were better off as friends, and I got a new sponsor. This one is an older lady who in most ways I have nothing in common with at ALL. She is frail and has health issues, and sometimes when I visit her, I feel like I'm visiting a sick relative. BUT ... she has 28 years of sobriety, more wisdom and experience than anyone I know, and she has a BS meter that will always point out my rationalizations and justifications for my behavior. That makes her the PERFECT sponsor for me.
What do you really need in a sponsor? That's probably a good question to ask yourself. I thought I wanted my sponsor to be a friend ... someone like me. Turned out that was the last thing I needed. I needed someone with LOTS of sober time. Someone who had spent a lot of time in the rooms and worked the steps thoroughly. Someone who also had experience with alcoholic family members. Someone who would tell me the truth but do it in a caring way. I never thought I would choose a sponsor like the one I have now, because she is so different from me. But ultimately, I want what she has. For me, that was the key.
I decided after my last relapse that we were better off as friends, and I got a new sponsor. This one is an older lady who in most ways I have nothing in common with at ALL. She is frail and has health issues, and sometimes when I visit her, I feel like I'm visiting a sick relative. BUT ... she has 28 years of sobriety, more wisdom and experience than anyone I know, and she has a BS meter that will always point out my rationalizations and justifications for my behavior. That makes her the PERFECT sponsor for me.
What do you really need in a sponsor? That's probably a good question to ask yourself. I thought I wanted my sponsor to be a friend ... someone like me. Turned out that was the last thing I needed. I needed someone with LOTS of sober time. Someone who had spent a lot of time in the rooms and worked the steps thoroughly. Someone who also had experience with alcoholic family members. Someone who would tell me the truth but do it in a caring way. I never thought I would choose a sponsor like the one I have now, because she is so different from me. But ultimately, I want what she has. For me, that was the key.
sobriety date 5-2-12
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 903
I talked to my new sponsor today. We are meeting tomorrow before the noon meeting to talk about how I went through steps 1-3. I will then start my 4th step. I really like this woman and I like the life she leads. She is very positive. She knows nothing about drug usage, but I don't think that matters...it's all the same. She seems so peaceful...I want to be peaceful
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by aeo1313 
I talked to my new sponsor today. We are meeting tomorrow before the noon meeting to talk about how I went through steps 1-3. I will then start my 4th step.
Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action
That comes right after step 3....Take it to heart!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by aeo1313
I talked to my new sponsor today. We are meeting tomorrow before the noon meeting to talk about how I went through steps 1-3. I will then start my 4th step. I really like this woman and I like the life she leads. She is very positive. She knows nothing about drug usage, but I don't think that matters...it's all the same. She seems so peaceful...I want to be peaceful
If I put myself in the middle of drama.... I end up wanting to direct the production and have the starring role.
Hang out with your new sponsor, let the peace alter your being.
(I'm doing a similar thing myself, changing a couple of my "buddies" and some new meetings)
All the best.
Bob R
sobriety date 5-2-12
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 903
Originally Posted by augustwest
make sure to get the new sponsor before you fire the old one. be honest with both of them about your reasons for switching.
Sobriety date 12/19/2011
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: TX
Posts: 409
I had to change my sponsor.
Last year at around Jan, I tried to get sober with one sponsor. She was my age, had 2 years of sobriety off of a relapse, in which before that she had 10 years. She had 2 kids the same ages as mine, it just seemed to "click". She made me call her every morn, she wanted to hang out all the time, it was way too much. I almost made it a month. At one point in one of our conversations, she asked me to be her sponsor!! I made a comment on how she was behaving and she had an Aha moment.
This time around, I have a sponsor that is 70ish, she has been sober since 1975, and she has been working AA everyday since. She has been my rock.
I have had many teachings on the mind and body, being in the Natural Health Field since I was 23. I needed Dr.Phil and I got one. I needed someone to really help me get out of my mind and be able to sit there comfortably. I needed someone to call me on my stuff, and I got that in my new sponsor.
I told my last one that I had a new sponsor, and she didn't talk to me for about 2 or 3 weeks. She was hurt, but once she realized that I didn't do anything to her, she came around.
Last year at around Jan, I tried to get sober with one sponsor. She was my age, had 2 years of sobriety off of a relapse, in which before that she had 10 years. She had 2 kids the same ages as mine, it just seemed to "click". She made me call her every morn, she wanted to hang out all the time, it was way too much. I almost made it a month. At one point in one of our conversations, she asked me to be her sponsor!! I made a comment on how she was behaving and she had an Aha moment.
This time around, I have a sponsor that is 70ish, she has been sober since 1975, and she has been working AA everyday since. She has been my rock.
I have had many teachings on the mind and body, being in the Natural Health Field since I was 23. I needed Dr.Phil and I got one. I needed someone to really help me get out of my mind and be able to sit there comfortably. I needed someone to call me on my stuff, and I got that in my new sponsor.
I told my last one that I had a new sponsor, and she didn't talk to me for about 2 or 3 weeks. She was hurt, but once she realized that I didn't do anything to her, she came around.
sobriety date 5-2-12
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 903
Originally Posted by Sapling
Good deal aeo...What did she say about steps 1 through 3?
I talked to my old sponsor today. Her and I are a lot alike (seperated by 30 years) and there is NOTHING I could say or do that would shock her...she was a wild flower child
This new sponsor is more "proper". Her drinking started at age 40 and was not wild in the least. Just sitting at home alone. We are totally different but I think I'm needing that. My behavior drinking was insane and wild and I need a totally outside view of it which my 1st sponsor could not do. I want to feel shame for what I've done. Well, not shame, but I need someone else to say "yeah, that's not how you behave"
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by aeo1313
I want to feel shame for what I've done. Well, not shame, but I need someone else to say "yeah, that's not how you behave"
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