Sapling

Then don't...It's all about action.....The thought is right...But it means nothing...Without action.

fairenough

You don't know me and have no reason to believe me, but I had a best friend who was a touring musician. WAS. She died just a couple years older than you are now from alcoholism. we didn't realize what an issue she had with alcohol. She told me she tried AA but didn't feel it was right for her. Of course, I stupidly agreed with her because I just saw her as the same as always, lone female in a band of guys, and she could drink 'em under the table. Around your age she told me she probably should "cut back" and was concerned what her bandmates would think. She decided she would say she had a blood sugar issue and needed to quit. No one gave her a hard time. But she still was drinking away from the band. A couple years later she called me on the phone and admitted she still drank a lot and thought she'd better go to the dr because she'd felt really ill, she thought from flu. 2 days later I was visiting her in ICU. She died. Organ failure. She'd taken tylenol. We always think nothing will happen to us. Please rethink what youre doing to your body. Being young won't exempt you. Who cares what others think, when it's YOUR life on the line.

Sentso

Sad and shocking story... made me stop and think for a while. Thank you.

It's true we keep thinking nothing's gonna happen to us. For a long time I thought my body was super resistant, given I could drink and take drugs (I was into opiates in my early 20s) a lot more than my friends without having a problem.
This past year, I've been having stomach pain after serious binge drinking, and if I add the sleep issues and digestion problems, I can tell my body's sending me messages.

Anyways... I bet this thread is gonna be very useful when I'm on tour! I'll keep it open on my Iphone so I can read it anytime I need too.

Dee74

Hi and welcome

I was a professional musician too Sentso - very small time in my hometown but nevertheless my reputation was like yours...I was living the hard drinking hard living rock lifestyle bit to the hilt.

I knew I had a problem for years - but I didn't want to change my life. Other people could drink and not seem to have the worries or problems I did...

so I kept drinking - nothing *too* bad ever happened anyway, right?

but came the time I wasn't so high functioning anymore...I had a rule never to drink before a show...then it was never to drink too much...just one to settle nerves....

Eventually, I began to play drunk, I missed sets, I missed shows...but still I kept drinking.

I lost my career....and still I kept on drinking.

Eventually I drank all day every day - I nearly died from not wanting to change my life.

I did what soberbrooke's brother did - I got away from my old drinking buddies for a while and rebuilt my life...then I rebuilt my career.

That might not be possible for you - but like others have said there are other avenues of support - AA being a very accessible one

I look back now and there were people, successful musicians, I knew who didn't drink...
it's not like there weren't role models.

I look back now and I wonder why I privileged the lifestyle over the music.

I wonder why what my friends thought was so important to me, when I knew full well I had a problem.

Maybe I was scared of being different, maybe I was a bit too proud, maybe I just unwilling to give up drinking, and rationalising about it.

I'm retired now but I know I was a way better musician in recovery

I'm glad to see you're thinking about all this now - you'll find a lot of support here Sentso

D

Sentso

So far abusing alcohol never was a problem in my professional life, because it's ok to drink after a gig (ah ah the stupid rules we try to have before playing: a couple beer should be ok, maybe a 3rd one, but not more. Does wine with dinner count?), and it's ok to be hungover the day after, when you just have a bunch of interviews to do before the soundcheck (at the end of which you'll get your first beer, which doesn't count because it's still a few hours away from the concert...)

And it's true on tour you have a lot of time to kill, all the travelling time. Sometimes I'd just think it was be a good idea to get wasted since we had a 4-5hour drive in the morning (and I'm usually not the driver). A hangover to pass the time.

But then you think of all the things you could have done. When I don't drink, I actually listen to some music, or even read books! You never read when you drink (Someone said that here, but I don't remember the thread. It was so obviously true it was kind of a shock... and I love reading!)

Also a few years ago I thought I had some great musical ideas when I was drinking (and taking opiates), but if I look back, all my best ideas came to me when I was sober and relaxed.

Music should be a spiritual journey, not a lifestyle.

But then again Sapling is right, ideas and words are nothing compared to actual actions. In my mind it's all so clear. But it's day 2.

CarolD

Welcome...

I certainly hope you will find your way ...AA works great for me.

workingknee

Good luck Sentso with day 3 and 4 etc etc... I'm 28 too, sober since March, has been a beautiful and clear time. I've only ever dated musicians, who toured for most of the year, with a tour bus full of spirits, generous riders, beers before shows, drinks afterward and 'mixologist' parties any other time. I'm a writer, so it was easy to hide my own recklessness with alcohol in that scene, where there is no trouble with running into a schedule with drinking i.e - no 9-5 job requirements, etc. For me I had to quit the muso boyfriends with the wine - the two went hand in hand. As for creativity and drinking, as a separate temptation/association with/for drinking - a book called 'The Thirsty Muse' has been invaluable - drinking really was the cause of creative blockages in so many great artists - rather than the kindling for any great works... It may inspire you to sobriety in the creative environment (since you mentioned you like reading). As for touring - my ex is in a band now where the members have exercise 'circles' on tour - in whichever town they are in - they find a local park - have pushup sessions, tag-team stair running, short sprints, yoga, etc. A skipping rope is also a great idea for the tour bus luggage... I think bringing positive influences like health and exercise into your band family can really bring guys together, having a mutual goal to stay healthy on the road I think is a powerful motivation for keeping your drinking under wraps - or quitting completely - its also a reason you don't have to over-explain to the curious. I've taken up running 12-15km a day and strength training for another hour a day since becoming sober - the idea of drinking and not being able to get up in the morning for a solid run has become a huge part of easily quitting (without AA). Anyway, just some late night rambling... time for bed - I gotta lace up in the am. Bon nuit and bon chance! (Good night and Good luck)

Sentso

Thank you Carol!

workingknee > I will definitely check out The Thirsty Muse, it looks very interesting, and a great idea to have it with me on tour...
As for the physical exercises, they don't seem very likely but at least one of the guys would be motivated enough to maybe go running or something. I'll think about that.
Anyways, thanks for this great post that gives me new ideas!

I have to admit I would never have expected to read so many interesting messages, from people who can completely relate to my situation. It's very comforting.

Bonne nuit et bonne chance!

Sentso

Couldn't fall asleep last night, slept maybe 3 or 4 hours, waking up a lot... I'm used to it though, and I went running for 45' this morning instead of doing nothing. It gave me energy, and it feels really good.
Thanks to all the people here talking about running or doing any physical activity, it gave me motivation.

Sentso

So just wanted to let you know that I'm on the tourbus (it's almost 2am here) with all the guys drinking and smoking, and I'm drinking water. No beer before the show (it was great), no beer after, feeling weirdly alright though I must say I won't stay long with them tonight.
Running definitely helps me a lot. Gives me mental strength. Helps me focus. I know better who I am or who I wanna be. Thanks a lot workingknee.
So first night sober on a tourbus. Wow. Didn't think I could make it.
Maybe I can even go running tomorrow morning before lunch. Ah ah if my old self could see me he would not believe it!
Good night everyone, keep the faith

Sapling

Right on Sentso....That's awesome!

Stevie1

Nice job Sentso! Thank you for updating.

So true about reading...I also love to read but it took me forever to get through a book when I was drinking. Plus I couldn't concentrate worth a s*** and didn't remember what I read.

I have three dogs who make me get some exercise...they have a huge fenced yard but I like to take them places and go for long walks early before work. I am doing that both more regularly and more joyfully now that I'm not either hungover in the mornings, or drinking at night.

Sentso

The gig last night was awesome. I didn't drink anything before and had a lot of energy and it was great. During the day I went running and got a massage after. Everything was so fine I accepted a beer in the end. And of course it ended up with vodka and weed on the bus.
I woke up with a headache, and stayed in my bed for a while, thinking.
It's obvious that I can't control myself. All the guys were in bed when I finally put the bottle back in the fridge. I had to force myself to go to bed. I was drunk enough to sleep.
So that's it, I know for sure I can't drink normally, and I'm decided, I'm not gonna be this person anymore. It's not gonna b easy, but it helps to see clearly.
Good night to you all!

Woot86

I watch videos of SRV performing when he was using coke and alcohol, and compared them to when he started sobriety. He was so much better in his sober days.
That will probably apply to you as well.
hope that gives you some strength

artsoul

Things do feel strange in the beginning but it gets easier as you go.... I was terrified to think about the sober unknown, but it eventually became a bit of an adventure. I started feeling really good about myself again - it just takes time.

Instead of thinking about all the events/partying, just deal with it one day at a time. Get some snacks (when we're hungry it feels like a craving for alcohol) and some of those great healthy smoothie drinks or some bottles of tonic/soda and limes- you can be the closet non-drinker.

....and give yourself some credit for getting through the show totally sober!

Sentso

I can definitely see how it could became some kind of adventure.
I know I like and respect myself more when I don't drink. And I can read and sleep and run when I don't drink.

It's true that after the first gig, as I wasn't drinking alcohol, I realized I was super hungry! All the others were drinking beer and vodka and smoking cigarettes, and instead I had water and sandwiches. And it was fine.

I'm really glad I found SR, thank you guys.

Sentso

Tonight is hard.
We had a gig, and it went really well. Lots of people in the crowd, good atmosphere, and we played well together. I enjoyed it a lot.
There were most of the guys we work with, among them lots of friends, and everyone -I mean everyone, went to a bar to celebrate and get drunk. All the people I usually drink with.

I took a cab to escape this situation. Couldn't think of anything else. Thought for a moment I could go and have sparkling water.
At the very last second I had a hesitation. Someone was insisting, saying it would be only for one or two drinks, we didn't have to get drunk, just celebrate.
I knew how it was gonna end if I went there. I took a cab. I waved goodbye to all the guys I usually drink with. I like those guys, I like them a lot. We do a great job together.
They were surprised I left. As usual I was smiling a little too much to hide how deeply worried I was. Someone said boring. Someone said when did you start to behave yourself like that? Another boring at some point.

Now I must admit I'm kind of proud of the character I've built over time. In general, I'm the one who goes to all the parties and closes the bar. The one who drinks more and can do anything. The one you can always rely on to keep it coming, or move to the next bar or something. I'm the tormented artist, the comfortable but true cliché. The one you want to become when you're 17 years old and you discover Bright Eyes. Brillant and sad (not that I am brillant, but you get the point)

But so I did it, managed to escape the tricky situation. It was so hard.

I don't know if I can do that often. Be so strong. Be the good one, the boring one. Change everything, everything.
As the days go by I more and more tell myself: you don't drink, you run, and you read, and you play music, and you're a good person. Why not celebrate just one night? Then you'll go back to your life and be good.

It reminds me of Don Draper, I don't remember when exactly, saying: "I like being bad, and then going home and being good."
This is who I am, and it makes no sense at all. Be two people. Two opposites. It's too hard.

Thanks for reading, I needed to write that down, I'm confused.

And good night,

OklaBH

I get it. We have all been 2 different people. We have all been the life of the party. For me (I cant speak for you) the "other personality...ya know the one I thought was fun" it was getting WAY more air time than the good, decent, responsible, thoughtful person (who by the way is pretty darn fun herself). The party was over at 11 but no one told me. I had to ruin alot of relationships and jeopardize my health to figure it out.

onlythetruth

Once I got the hang of life without alcohol, I haven't found it boring and I am absolutely sure others don't find me boring. I bet that's going to be true of you too--with all your talent, I bet you have a great personality and being sober will just bring that out even more.

I also suspect that you're going to love the adventure...and it really is an adventure. An adventure where you get to find out who you are. There will be surprises around every corner.

soberbrooke

I wish I could travel around and go to an AA meeting in every town I am in. It would be so much fun, meeting all different people from everywhere.
I have only 6 months, but the people I have met are my new best friends. I can call them at any time of the day and they will always answer their phone. I feel like I have known them for many lifetimes, that is how close I feel to them.

I do not like giving advice, I only like to share my experiences, but my brother goes through the same things that you are, and I feel close to you because of my brother. I will be praying for you, and I hope you can find your way. The ONLY way that works for me is through AA. It has really taught me that I am powerless over alcohol, and I am still struggling with that today, at 6 months. I will probably always be struggling with that. I have always been a pretty girl, hung out with the popular crowds, and I have my own money. It has been really hard to leave my old friends, but I had to. It was killing me and my life was so unmanageable.
I would just love to be able to travel and in each city I was in, go to a meeting and meet the most extraordinary people! That might be something I will do one day after my kids are grown!
Will keep you in my prayers