Sad, Tired, and Scared
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Downers Grove
Posts: 1
Sad, Tired, and Scared
I am a newcomer to this site. I am not sure what will help and what won't. I am dealing with my wifes alcoholism. She is currently under a court order not to drink because we are dealing with her 4th dui. thank god she and no one has ever been hurt or killed. We have a beautiful 6 month old and 3 wonderful near adult stepchildren. I am afraid she is going to lose all of us. I came out in the back yard and she had been drinking and hiding the cans under our patio bench. It is over 100 degrees here and the beer was ice cold. I confronted her and she actually looked me right in the eye and said it wasn't hers.
I will not bore anyone with the long details but the states attorney has let us know that if she stays sober and gets treatment she will not pursue jail time. Right now that is the difference between freedom and 3 to 7 years in jail. She cannot admit she has a problem, and can not see how this is destroying our family. I am so scared that she may miss out on our daughters childhood. I thought that this would finally be her rock bottom but she obviously hasn't found it yet. I don't know what to do. I am sad tired lost scared and feel completely alone. If anyone has any advice PLEASE share it. We are on the brink of divorce because of her alcoholism. I am ready to take my daughter and run!
I will not bore anyone with the long details but the states attorney has let us know that if she stays sober and gets treatment she will not pursue jail time. Right now that is the difference between freedom and 3 to 7 years in jail. She cannot admit she has a problem, and can not see how this is destroying our family. I am so scared that she may miss out on our daughters childhood. I thought that this would finally be her rock bottom but she obviously hasn't found it yet. I don't know what to do. I am sad tired lost scared and feel completely alone. If anyone has any advice PLEASE share it. We are on the brink of divorce because of her alcoholism. I am ready to take my daughter and run!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi Kellyfaz
I'm sorry for your situation but I know you'll find support and encouragement here.
You might also like to check out our Family and Friends forum - you'll find a lot of people there too who've been through the types of things you're going through right now.
welcome to SR
D
I'm sorry for your situation but I know you'll find support and encouragement here.
You might also like to check out our Family and Friends forum - you'll find a lot of people there too who've been through the types of things you're going through right now.
welcome to SR
D
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome kelleyfaz-
It saddens me to hear about what you're going through..... Denial is a part of the disease of addiction and it's very hard to help an alcoholic or addict who refuses to admit they have a problem.
I hope you check out the link Dee gave you. Having support really makes a difference. Glad you're here!
It saddens me to hear about what you're going through..... Denial is a part of the disease of addiction and it's very hard to help an alcoholic or addict who refuses to admit they have a problem.
I hope you check out the link Dee gave you. Having support really makes a difference. Glad you're here!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
this might sound harsh, but for the health of you and your child, you may want to leave. staying there is saying its ok that she is doing what she is doing. leaving may get the message through to her that she has a problem.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 521
I truly want to post on this because the situation is very much like mine.. Minus a young child. I had 3 DUI's and was try about to lose it all. I am on my iPhone right now but am posting as a reminder to myself to come back to this tommorow and send you some more info and support.
The truth is that you can not change your wife. She has to want to do it for herself. You can get help for yourself... Alanon or a good therapist is a great place to start. I am praying for you. You are not the only person tha has ever been through this. Hang in there!
The truth is that you can not change your wife. She has to want to do it for herself. You can get help for yourself... Alanon or a good therapist is a great place to start. I am praying for you. You are not the only person tha has ever been through this. Hang in there!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,635
I am so sorry!
I got three DUIs and still drank too. Maybe the court will mandate treatment. It is too bad you don't have DUI court.
She is not done drinking and unfortunately there is nothing you can do to help. She has to recognize that she is an alcoholic and can't drink.
Prayers to you and your baby daughter!
I got three DUIs and still drank too. Maybe the court will mandate treatment. It is too bad you don't have DUI court.
She is not done drinking and unfortunately there is nothing you can do to help. She has to recognize that she is an alcoholic and can't drink.
Prayers to you and your baby daughter!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Al-Anon in your area will be able to help you. Look in your phone book for the local group.
Sounds like this situation got way out of hand, as it often does.
All the best.
Bob R
Sounds like this situation got way out of hand, as it often does.
All the best.
Bob R
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Candler, NC
Posts: 5
I am a recovering alcoholic mother. Nothing showed me the errors of my ways until my significant other left with the ultimatum of alcohol or my family. Its hard but you may have to save your child and self in oorder to open her eyes.
You are in my thoughts.
You are in my thoughts.
Guest
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 115
Welcome to SR, this is a great community.
I hate to sound so harsh, but if I were you, I would leave with the child. If this hasn't woken her up, maybe that will. She HAS to decide for herself she is done with booze. She will not be able to do it for anyone else and be truthful to herself (even if she were able to stop for you or her child) There is no "rock bottom" that is the same for everyone, and not all are as bad, some rock bottoms are just the realization without any horrible thing happening. However, there is always the type that ends up homeless and keeps up with their habit. You just never know.
If I were you, I would leave. I think it would be best for her and for you.
Eventually, enough is enough.
Just my opinion of course.
-RDY
I hate to sound so harsh, but if I were you, I would leave with the child. If this hasn't woken her up, maybe that will. She HAS to decide for herself she is done with booze. She will not be able to do it for anyone else and be truthful to herself (even if she were able to stop for you or her child) There is no "rock bottom" that is the same for everyone, and not all are as bad, some rock bottoms are just the realization without any horrible thing happening. However, there is always the type that ends up homeless and keeps up with their habit. You just never know.
If I were you, I would leave. I think it would be best for her and for you.
Eventually, enough is enough.
Just my opinion of course.
-RDY
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Rocky Mountains, USA
Posts: 344
I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds absolutely dreadful.
Giving advice seems quite presumptuous of me, so consider the following as ideas and not you-shoulds, OK?
I wonder if you could take the kids and stay with family for now? Pull no punches when explaining to them why you have to do this. Document everything including her drinking -- in case there is a custody situation later.
I agree with the others that staying is tantamount to enabling and helping her cover up her lies. You can't make her stop drinking, true, but you sure don't have to put up with it, and you really must not help make it easier for her to drink.
Again, just my thoughts. And I know all the ideas we're offering are easier said than done... this is so difficult. I feel so bad for you.
I believe you WILL know what to do for your children and yourself.
Giving advice seems quite presumptuous of me, so consider the following as ideas and not you-shoulds, OK?
I wonder if you could take the kids and stay with family for now? Pull no punches when explaining to them why you have to do this. Document everything including her drinking -- in case there is a custody situation later.
I agree with the others that staying is tantamount to enabling and helping her cover up her lies. You can't make her stop drinking, true, but you sure don't have to put up with it, and you really must not help make it easier for her to drink.
Again, just my thoughts. And I know all the ideas we're offering are easier said than done... this is so difficult. I feel so bad for you.
I believe you WILL know what to do for your children and yourself.
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