SobrietyNow

Hello everyone just wanted to get some opinions on this. I have been feeling great most of the time and I still do not want to drink at all. However now I am experiencing bouts of serious anxiety and going to some really dark place in my head. I have a high pressure job that I used to just drink away at the end of the day and now I don't have that as an outlet. I'm realizing that I used to drink and then beat myself up the whole next day for it and now that I don't have that reason I'm beating myself up because of other things, most of them manufactured in my head. It's this very masochistic behavior and I'm wondering if anyone else can relate to this? How do I stop being so hard on myself?
Thanks for reading.

jstar

I was/am the same....drinking away whatever the day might bright me, though either good or bad. Anxiety...that has been a staple in my attempts at recovery. I think there is a saying that says something like "take it easy" & people keep telling me not to be so hard on myself, just keep coming back to meetings. Finding an outlet/people to talk to sure helps me get the negative feelings off my chest.

Someone else told me this too, to not beat myself up, but to go & do something nice for myself or someone else that makes me "feel" good. So i've done escapes to the gym, the coffee house, the beach just to walk on the sand. Make a coffee date or trip to the movies w/someone else that's sober. It really sounds so simple, but I know it is hard.

Keep posting here, i'm sure others will echo the same things, this site is a great place to vent, cry, be sad, but then get encouragement to go on another day & be strong.

Big hugs

2granddaughters

Are you attending AA meetings?

All the best.

Bob R

SobrietyNow

Thanks JStar, that made me feel better. Hi Bob, I am attending meetings nearby and they have helped tremendously. This anxiety is a nightmare though and it keeps cropping up.

MsJax

SobrietyNow, hi I too struggle with anxiety, can't remember too many times with out it being an issue. Keep it all in my head, in the spiral My job is stressful too-sink or swim, and I have always been extremely hard on myself. My own worst critic for sure. I have 15 months sober & last month I finally sought help from a professional. Well worth it. Best wishes to you in dealing with your anxiety.

Mark75

I have a high pressure job, and towards the end of my drinking, I would not wait until I got home, I'd stop at the liquor store on the way home... So, yea I get that. And I also get what you said about going to that dark place in my head, beating myself up, all that. I like coming to SR and going to AA because I am repeatedly reminded how I am not so unique... Though my default position is just that, "I am unique"... LOL. (I am not implying that you think you are, not at all... just making an observation about myself.)

Anyway.

All that got soooooo much better after I got through the first 7 steps, even better as I moved on and completed all of them. 10-12 is daily, because they kind of incorporate all the others...

This thing about manufacturing things to feel bad about, you mentioned. I really can relate... I even began to wonder if I wasn't bipolar... This is where good inventory skills, achieved by good honest step work, helped the most. Having an honest appraisal of really who I am, to myself, to others... where I am going, etc... Having a focus, a plan, a "design for living" (That is one of several phrases I hear that is not a favorite of mine, but it applies...). It keeps me out of that dark place, usually

AA and the 12 steps are not the only way, of course, but since you mentioned you go to AA, maybe really get in there and do the work...

Keep posting. You could also see a physician about this if you find that step work with a sponsor isn't going any where, or if you are really concerned.

Dee74

Have you consulted a Dr at all SobrietyNow?

D

SobrietyNow

Thanks everyone for taking the time respond, I really appreciate it. I quit before in my twenties and the anxiety stuck around for a while (90-120 days) off an on then went away. Talking to a therapist or a physician is probably a good idea, I also need to really get into AA. I have been going for a few weeks and joined a home group where I feel comfortable, but I haven't gotten a sponsor or begun to work the steps. I have been 47 days days sober today and it seems like a good time to get to work. Thanks again everyone.

Anna

There are ways to deal with anxiety and talking to your dr is probably a good place to start. You can learn to stop the negative thoughts that run around in your head, and one of the best things you can do is believe you are worth treating yourself well. I think it's not uncommon for alcoholics to be very hard on themselves.