CurlySue

I drank for years everyday. Total closet alcoholic, so nobody knew to tell me I drank too much. Woke up last week and decided to get help. 4 days sober now. Going to rehab next week. My body wants a drink so bad, but I love the feeling of being sober and walking around with a clear mind. Oh and I feel like I have been eating everything in sight...lol.

Weasel1966

I am really happy for you curly sue!

It takes courage and fortitude to change our lives. But luckily for all of us it's possible to do.

Glad your here with us....

Best to you.

Ken

MrsKing

I have probably had a drinking problem ever since I started drinking, 7 years ago. I drank huge amounts of alcohol from the beginning. When I met my husband, we drank together and would always get drunk, but he didn't notice there was an issue because it was just the norm - we were students and having fun, who cared!? But it has been over the last two years that things got really bad, and I would drink on my own ALL NIGHT LONG and pass out at 11 in the morning or something like that. I didn't ever get myself into serious trouble, but I ended up in hospital twice and both times I was told by doctors to stop drinking because they were seeing a huge increase in young people having serious health problems due to alcohol. I still didn't stop. My husband and much of my family told me that I was drinking too much, and I was angry with them. Who were they to tell me what to do? It was my life. It was my release, my only way to relax/enjoy myself/have fun/get to that place where nothing really mattered... I knew, deep down, that I had a serious problem. No normal drinking can drink 5 bottles of wine. I didn't want to admit it for a long time. It took a VERY stupid mistake, something that I regret now and probably always will, to make me see that alcohol didn't make me relax, it didn't help me enjoy myself, and it didn't get me to any place that I wanted to be. It made me someone who I didn't want to be. I decided to quit alcohol that next day, after making that mistake. In some ways, I'm glad it happened, because without it I wouldn't be where I am today. My husband calls it "a blessing in disguise", but I still wish it hadn't happened, of course. But it DID open my eyes and expose what I was doing to myself and who I had become and I was horrified, completely horrified with myself. I haven't had a single drop since, and that was March 31st.

So, I guess for me, though I was told multiple times that I needed to stop drinking, it took a major mistake on my part for me to realise where I was heading.

ttbp

I told my husband I needed help. I knew that I was in trouble years before I quit, I just didn't face up to it until last year xx

munchkin05

You and me both.

sugarbear1

I knew. I put myself in rehab when I was 25, then I still decided to do more "research" which was off and on for many years afterward. I knew again (still) last year and am moving towards 14 months of sobriety now.....

Luling

I figured it out on my own. I noticed that when I drank with others, I always felt impatient because they didn't drink faster and I didn't want to be the only one ordering the next round. And I noticed how every time I told myself that I didn't want to have more than one or two drinks, I'd end up having several more. And I noticed that every time I told myself that I should take a little time off from drinking, I failed. And the amount I was drinking wasn't normal; no one should be able to put away that much wine.

Threshold

I knew for years I had an "addictive personality" , decades really. I even talked about it with others. Years ago I had a brief stint with OA, but felt like "I'm not as crazy as these people" and quit. I didn't like the meetings, and the idea of a sponsor was loathsome to me.

A few years ago I was hospitalized in a psych ward, admitted myself because my cutting was out of control and I was planning suicide.

During the outpatient, post hospitalization time, several people in my group were recovering addicts. And upon listening to them I realized that I wasn't just and addictive personality, and my "using" wasn't just a wee bit of self medicating due to anxiety ( my life WAS a certifiable stress fest) I was simply a run of the mill addict.

I started my recovery journey, silent and alone at that point. It took me a number of months of trying to control it myself, reading, meditation,hanging out here, and living h*ll till I got into a program.

My husband seemed puzzled. I mean, clearly I had a whole heap of problems, but he wouldn't have identified me as an addict, maybe it was masked by some of my other issues (anorexia for one)

how did it affect my relationship? He divorced me...the recovering me was not so good to live with I guess. I can't have been much fun or much of a partner as I went through my crazies early in recovery. He was discouraged rather than encouraged.

I was demanding, scornful, and thought I should get some sort of reward from him for getting sober. It took a lot of clean living and honesty for me to have any perspective on life, relationships, sobriety.

Weasel1966

Thresh hold.....

That was a very honest account of things.

Glad you are here with us.

All the best to you!

Ken

Cinderblock18

When I knew my drinking was not right: Christmas morning last year I started drinking early with a celebratory drink in my coffee. I consciously used Christmas as an excuse to drink, and to drink early, and continue to drink throughout the day. The next day, with a hangover, my husband convinces me to get out of the house and hang out at a hunting camp. Not more than a few hours after I said I didn't want to drink that day, had I opened a beer. I noticed the beer "was not doing the trick" and found myself taking a drink straight from the bottle of liqour. Something I had never done before (except maybe back in my college days). I was so ashamed. Right then I knew something was not right.
It has taken me coming to this website, and reading everyone's posts and advice, that I am at the early stages of alcoholism, and that I need help.

sober4myboys

All except my husband have essentially denied it as much as I have. He has told me for about a year (although he drinks too, maybe not as bad though). I knew but wouldn't admit it. So now I don't drink but have not explained to him why, or my decision that I will never again no matter what it takes.

I was thinking about this going to sleep the other night. I don't think, even as a 17 year old at my first party, that I ever had one or two. I drank straight from a bottle of vodka with a friend, (who was killed in drunk driving crash 2 weeks later). I puked all over another friends house. It started with MY FIRST EVER drink, and now 12 years later, I have decided no more.

I have always known.

sharp75

i knew i had some kind of problem and my bf pointed it out but i never listened as me and my body seemed fine drinking, then 1 day it hit me like a ton of bricks and i broke down. a few months ago whilst drunk i told my borther i had a drink problem, told him i craved it everynight and he tried telling me that i never had a drink problem as i never woke up craving it and only drank on a night but i think its because he hasa problemso if he were to accept i had one he would be basically admitting he had one. i know he has a problem even his wife does as she phoned my mam concerned but i wont approach him and tell him as i know it wont make any difference, unfortunaetly the only thing is for people to reach rock bottom themselves as if they are pressured to get help they are more likely to relapse

serious

a few friends told me that i should cut down or stop, because they saw the "fun" me ... and then the struggling me (the day or days after).

the decision to quit was my own, because eventually all the promises of broken life and the emotional distress that comes with it came true.

yes, there were very unfortunate events in my life that lead me to a relapse... but i knew better in my head than to turn to "the cause of... and the solution to all problems".
the thing is, alcohol doesn't solve anything. it just makes matters worse and worse each time.

Fernaceman

I was pulled home from college one night nearly 10 years ago by my family wanting to "talk" to me about their concerns about me drinking too much. Drunk every night at school, blacking out, calling home drunk nearly every night about some new drama that had just unfolded that of course "wasn't my fault."

I knew I had a problem for a very long time after that but was ALWAYS looking for that magical solution of how to drink and use and not suffer any consequences. Constantly looking for that magical "drug" that would provide the euphoria I was looking for but I would be able to control it. I was the definition of the actor trying to put on a show to everyone around him but only fooling himself.

Each and every time I have quit drinking and using and gone down the road of recovery it has been through loved ones intervening and thankfully not giving up on me. "It only gets worse," is such a true statement.

Each time depression and anxiety would build up with such force that I would explode and ultimately reach a "new" bottom of problems I simply couldn't solve because my thinking was completely warped. Therefore I would drink or use again to numb such problems. Hence the vicious cycle continued.

So, in the beginning I was told, but it did not take long to realize that yes there is a huge issue. Did I do want to do anything about it was a separate issue. I, for a long time, decided to accept my life for the chaos it was before deciding that it is way too exhausting to live that way and if I want to be "happy, joyous, and free," drugs and alcohol cannot be involved in any way of my life.

missfestival

I was in the closet and in denial of physical dependence since age 22. Now 38 and sober 90 days today. After I quit and came out as an alcoholic there was surprise and denial from damn near everyone. A long story, but the short version: I intervened on myself.

liv1ce

I don't know if I have a high self monitor but I knew I had a problem for years before my family finally intervened. It seemed rather obvious to me with drinking to the point of passing out every single night. I couldn't drink just a little - it had to be all of it. I still did all the alkie stuff with hiding and sneaking and squirreling away money and booze.

I hated myself for a very long time and each morning would promise myself that today was the day I would not drink. Usually because I felt so awful and dragged out but by mid morning I would already be planning where the money would come from and which liquor store to go to. I had a regular rotation of stores so that no one could tell I was an alcoholic. You simply can't go back to the same store two days in a row and maybe not in the same week. Planning always planning.

It was equally difficult to return the empties for the nickel deposit. Garbage bags full of half gallons for god's sake.

So somehow, someway I knew I had a problem but when I walked into the room I was called to and realized an intervention was taking place and I was the subject my first thought was "finally it can come to an end".

I wish it had been the end.

Sugah

When I was 13, one of my older teenage friends told me, "You drink differently than everyone else." Well, not everyone. Several of my friends from that era ended up with pretty serious drinking/drug problems. But even then, other kids at keggers pegged me for an alcoholic.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

Notmyrealname

Neither my fellow drunks nor my enabler friends were real big in the constructive criticism department when it comes to people's drinking habits. Glass houses, y'know? I didn't really need the external view, though. It doesn't take a rocket surgeon to figure out that sitting down after and drinking a pint of gin straight up with beer chasers on a daily basis isn't healthy or "normal" behavior.

Another tip-off was when I removed the "going out" and "friends" from "going out drinking with friends" because I realized my drinking and related behaviors were over the top, and as I came to this realization I was ashamed.

Or I can start listing off ex-friends who are friends no longer due to my being a drunken $#@#head. One . . two . . three . . four . . five . . okay that's not a very cheery thing to do, I'll stop there.

So, yeah, the figuring out that I had a problem wasn't the real revelation at all, I've known that for years. For me, the big step was realizing that I had options; that I could do something other than the continuing cycle of drunk-sick-drunk-sick; that I could change. And I came to understand that sobriety isn't like jumping into the deep end of the pool at all, it's climbing out and getting your feet planted on solid ground.

(oops, waxing metaphorical there .. you got me monologuing! ha)

Weasel1966

Ya know.... After reading everyone's posts I had to rethink my original thought.

No one ever told me is correct. But the silence should have told me something.

I have a dominant personality. One that makes it hard for people to tell me something could be wrong.

I see what I became but wish I had people around me that loved me enough to intervene.

By the time i saw it I can only imagine what I must have looked like.

I see myself today. Some days good and some bad.

But.... I am here.

My problem was so bad that I should be dead.

But.... I am here.

Today is a really bad day...

But again I am here.

The only thing I can be sure of is being sober today and riding out the storm.

Lol... But I am here!

duane1

I saw it myself. I had an Uncle who died a few years ago from cirrhosis. I kept telling myself that I was an Alcoholic, but in no way as bad as he was. Well, I started having pain around my liver a month ago and still drank for another month even though I knew I would die if I didn't stop drinking. It made me realize that I in fact was as bad as my Uncle had been and I needed to stop completely if I ever wanted to see my kids graduate from High School. I am almost grateful that my body told me that it was time to quite. If not, I probably would have just kept drinking since I never had real intentions to quit before this.