Weasel1966

I drank really bad last night... in fact since friday.

I called in to work again.

I cannot believe this is me. What the F happened?

I hurt so bad right now.... I dont know what to do.

I am so sorry for being a fake... I am not a recovering alcoholic until I actually stop drinking.

I am sober now but still light headed.

I actually called my therapist... I never reach out to anyone. Ever.

please forgive me.

LoftyIdeals

It's not ours to forgive, Ken. It's up to you.

Glad you reached out to your therapist, and hope you will follow through.

Good luck! You can do it!

Nigel1969

It happens all the time Weasel, don't be too hard on yourself, you haven't killed anyone. What happens when it all goes wrong? Simple, you start again. Hope your ok friend, hang in there, I'm with you all the way.

Michael66

Hey Weasel

Glad you're back trying again.

Sounds like you need to try something new if the old ways aren't working for you. Are you in AA?

MycoolFitz

Yes not about apology but action. Also glad you called your therapist. Today is a new day Take care.

stillsleeping

Hey Ken,

You're not a fake. You're one of the most honest and forthright people I know - look at how open and out there your OT is, dude. Not a fake, a guy in pain.

So what did happen? How come you picked up?

Love you

Stll
xxx

Weasel1966

I drank because I needed to be numb.

I by no means am a victim. But I am just dealing with things for the first time. Not running ANY MORE.

I actually speak what I feel in therapy and not just intellectualize emotions.

I sound like I am crazy but more like painfully sane.

I am picking myself up... but I am so sad to have failed.

I know... I know.... failure is to not try again.

Opivotal

Your not alone Weasel. I found myself in your position more times than I can count. I had to change and get a plan in place to stop. I was in the throes of alcoholism and had to get myself out. I researched all areas of support. Like you, I never reached out. Now's the time Weasel...it's so hard to do it alone. Calling your therapist is a great start!


Best Wishes To You!

Anna

I'm glad you have a therapist to talk to, Weasel. I know this is tough, but the main thing is to figure out how to avoid the same situation again.

I'm glad you're back.

jsch

No need to be sorry. No one is perfect. This could be a good thing if you take it the right way. Let this be a good learning experience.

Zencat

Today is a new day and a new start.

Sometimes a person needs professional help from a therapist to recover. There's nothing wrong with that. Its a good idea to always look for ways to improve your chances at being recovered.

2granddaughters

I share regularly with my sponsor and the oldtimers at the meetings. I try to help the newcomer.
I get down on my knees and humbly ask my Higher Power for strength and direction.

I wish you the best.

Bob R

Bob R

FredG

Here's a quote that goes around in AA - "If you want something you've never had, you must do what you've never done."

One thing I noted in your statement "I never reach out to anyone. Ever" might be why you're still having problems with drinking and as someone else said, "it's not up to us to forgive".

I, and others like me, can help you get what we have, a sober life, an ability to handle lifes issues without hiding behind drink, happiness and all the rest, ...but you have to take the advice people give. I couldn't do it on my own, not with all the willpower in the world, I had to use AA

Remember how you feel now. It will help you remember why you don't want to take that first drink again. Don't worry about the 2nd and 3rd drinks, just don't take the first.

stillsleeping

Dude...I'm going to get H to tattoo that on me. That's just brilliant. Thanks

Still

xxx

Weasel1966

there are no words left to say. action is all there is.

I hurt when I read how many people here say day 1 again.

My turn.

I have to start to like myself or none of this is worth while.

I just dont get it.

I need to rest my head and nap for a while. I will feel better later.... and then I get to go get yet more money out of my savings to pay my dealer.

Thanks for the support. I will try a different plan. And go to meetings.

Anna

Yes! But more importantly, you have to start to like yourself or you won't be able to recover. I loathed the person I had become and that made early recovery very difficult. I had to take a leap of faith and open my mind to the idea that maybe, just maybe, I was a likeable and loveable person. :ghug3

FredG

Another saying I heard early on - "If you don't want to slip, stay out of slippery places"- If your dealer needs to be paid for product already received, send someone else that doesn't have a problem. If you go, you will most likely make use of their...service?

Weasel1966

wont be able to recover.... Anna I never will consider that as an option.

Like I said. I never reach out. This site makes it easier to ask for help. This with my therapy is really good for me.

I plan on moving through the pain and not around it.

If I had dealt with things earlier I would not be a drunk.

I was told everyday from the age of 6 to 17 when I left the house that I was not worth anything.

It takes a little time to undo that. But it will get done!

I never do drugs unless I drink... so no chance I will use his services.

I heartfelt feel your support and will take your advice

SamanthaIam

Weasel -- like you, I drank to stay numb from all the guilt and shame I was feeling.

Every drunk gave me another reason to feel guilty and ashamed, though!

The miracle is (which I conveniently forgot while drinking/wallowing in shame) when I'm not drinking, I'm not so hard on myself. Sober, I have Little Victories that make me proud, and make me feel worthy of being around my kids.

sugarbear1

the people who raised us were also sick people....

we are all flawed humans with strengths and weaknesses, we are sick people trying to get well, not bad people trying to get good.

your therapy will work better if you stay stopped.

the exact feelings we numb are just being pushed inside us a bit further and they still need to come out so we can heal. you ARE in recovery, just with some bumps in the journey....

Keep trying, Ken, that's all we can do!

With great love to you,