Relapse question
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Have you read through your old posts, aeo? That might be a beginning. Yes, you were "trying" to stop and to stay stopped, but go read through them and see what you can figure out within those posts. It might be eye-opening!
Choosing Life
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
I can SO relate to that "creepy autopilot" that Peter refers to. I'd often find myself walking into the liquor store to buy yet another bottle, and all the while there was this little voice in the back of my head saying, "What are you DOING?!" It was almost like an out-of-body experience, where "something" just kind of took over all reason and all rational thought and guided me into doing the one thing that I knew I couldn't do.
Other times when I relapsed, I can see now that I was thinking about it long before I actually did it, but at the time it came as a complete surprise to me ... as in, "How did this happen?!" Well, it happened because I stopped working my program and I got complacent/lazy. Every single time. I can't exactly say that it was "planned," but it definitely didn't come out of the blue either.
Other times when I relapsed, I can see now that I was thinking about it long before I actually did it, but at the time it came as a complete surprise to me ... as in, "How did this happen?!" Well, it happened because I stopped working my program and I got complacent/lazy. Every single time. I can't exactly say that it was "planned," but it definitely didn't come out of the blue either.
Abnormally normal
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Los Angeles, Ca.
Posts: 306
To me, it sounds like you've hit your bottom. Where the hardest choice now becomes the easiest choice.
When addiction becomes just that. A choice.
A lot don't get there...and some who do, don't hold it to its highest standard and think because they think this way, they can now focus on other things (like I did) and eventually relapse. But no matter what, that alcoholic in you is always there. Waiting for the moment it can get a grip on you again.
You're sober now, and you're ok with it. Which is very hard for addicts to get to. Now focus on your RECOVERY so you can have the knowledge and abiltiy to stay and live a sober life.
Best wishes....
When addiction becomes just that. A choice.
A lot don't get there...and some who do, don't hold it to its highest standard and think because they think this way, they can now focus on other things (like I did) and eventually relapse. But no matter what, that alcoholic in you is always there. Waiting for the moment it can get a grip on you again.
You're sober now, and you're ok with it. Which is very hard for addicts to get to. Now focus on your RECOVERY so you can have the knowledge and abiltiy to stay and live a sober life.
Best wishes....
sobriety date 5-2-12
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 903
Originally Posted by sugarbear1 
Have you read through your old posts, aeo? That might be a beginning. Yes, you were "trying" to stop and to stay stopped, but go read through them and see what you can figure out within those posts. It might be eye-opening!
Very "sobering" thoughts
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Ohio
Posts: 41
PeterG
I can so relate to that. I would battle back and forth trying to decide whether to drink or not then when I; once again did my brain would numb me...like some kind of zombified shell shock.
At this point I cannot be certain which thoughts are mine or which are the alcoholism..so I am going to pound out 90 meetings in 90 days...Today is day 6
I can't say I agree with everything that everyone says -but I have not yet had a meeting where SOMEthing Somebody says doesn't reachs me. Lots of pieces and parts of thoughts about good recovery steps. I just can't put them in order yet.
My plan is after a week of sampling all the meetings I can get to:
Pick a home group
Get a Sponsor
And start working on Step 2
A family member of mine is a drug/drink counselor and she quoted some some stats that say "one of the strongest predictors of relapse is stopping going to meetings" FWIW.
Cheers
Come on Day 6 Bring it on!
I can so relate to that. I would battle back and forth trying to decide whether to drink or not then when I; once again did my brain would numb me...like some kind of zombified shell shock.
At this point I cannot be certain which thoughts are mine or which are the alcoholism..so I am going to pound out 90 meetings in 90 days...Today is day 6
I can't say I agree with everything that everyone says -but I have not yet had a meeting where SOMEthing Somebody says doesn't reachs me. Lots of pieces and parts of thoughts about good recovery steps. I just can't put them in order yet.
My plan is after a week of sampling all the meetings I can get to:
Pick a home group
Get a Sponsor
And start working on Step 2
A family member of mine is a drug/drink counselor and she quoted some some stats that say "one of the strongest predictors of relapse is stopping going to meetings" FWIW.
Cheers
Come on Day 6 Bring it on!
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
try to focus on now. just now. it's only a second.... 
call people, journal, talk with sponsor and network, get to meetings, look at the step work you are doing/have done, keep moving forward.
this disease wants us dead. or being the living dead. you've come so far, you will keep staying stopped.... practice the tools you are learning to use.
you're going to make it this time! and help anyone else, especially the newcomer, but by calling anyone and asking how they are doing, you will be helping someone else and in the meantime YOU will stay sober... now that is a new high!!
call people, journal, talk with sponsor and network, get to meetings, look at the step work you are doing/have done, keep moving forward.
this disease wants us dead. or being the living dead. you've come so far, you will keep staying stopped.... practice the tools you are learning to use.
you're going to make it this time! and help anyone else, especially the newcomer, but by calling anyone and asking how they are doing, you will be helping someone else and in the meantime YOU will stay sober... now that is a new high!!
sobriety date 5-2-12
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 903
Originally Posted by GreenBear
PeterG
I can so relate to that. I would battle back and forth trying to decide whether to drink or not then when I; once again did my brain would numb me...like some kind of zombified shell shock.
At this point I cannot be certain which thoughts are mine or which are the alcoholism..so I am going to pound out 90 meetings in 90 days...Today is day 6
I can't say I agree with everything that everyone says -but I have not yet had a meeting where SOMEthing Somebody says doesn't reachs me. Lots of pieces and parts of thoughts about good recovery steps. I just can't put them in order yet.
My plan is after a week of sampling all the meetings I can get to:
Pick a home group
Get a Sponsor
And start working on Step 2
A family member of mine is a drug/drink counselor and she quoted some some stats that say "one of the strongest predictors of relapse is stopping going to meetings" FWIW.
Cheers
Come on Day 6 Bring it on!
I can so relate to that. I would battle back and forth trying to decide whether to drink or not then when I; once again did my brain would numb me...like some kind of zombified shell shock.
At this point I cannot be certain which thoughts are mine or which are the alcoholism..so I am going to pound out 90 meetings in 90 days...Today is day 6
I can't say I agree with everything that everyone says -but I have not yet had a meeting where SOMEthing Somebody says doesn't reachs me. Lots of pieces and parts of thoughts about good recovery steps. I just can't put them in order yet.
My plan is after a week of sampling all the meetings I can get to:
Pick a home group
Get a Sponsor
And start working on Step 2
A family member of mine is a drug/drink counselor and she quoted some some stats that say "one of the strongest predictors of relapse is stopping going to meetings" FWIW.
Cheers
Come on Day 6 Bring it on!
sobriety date 5-2-12
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 903
Originally Posted by sugarbear1
try to focus on now. just now. it's only a second....
call people, journal, talk with sponsor and network, get to meetings, look at the step work you are doing/have done, keep moving forward.
this disease wants us dead. or being the living dead. you've come so far, you will keep staying stopped.... practice the tools you are learning to use.
you're going to make it this time! and help anyone else, especially the newcomer, but by calling anyone and asking how they are doing, you will be helping someone else and in the meantime YOU will stay sober... now that is a new high!!
call people, journal, talk with sponsor and network, get to meetings, look at the step work you are doing/have done, keep moving forward.
this disease wants us dead. or being the living dead. you've come so far, you will keep staying stopped.... practice the tools you are learning to use.
you're going to make it this time! and help anyone else, especially the newcomer, but by calling anyone and asking how they are doing, you will be helping someone else and in the meantime YOU will stay sober... now that is a new high!!
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Do you remember "planning" your slips then? Do you recall what you were thinking at the time? I don't need any answer, but maybe you can reflect on what was going on at those times. This is the "hard" work.
It's a beautiful day, what are you doing nice for you today?
It's a beautiful day, what are you doing nice for you today?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: KY
Posts: 80
I'm on day 11, and I was just starting to plan drinking next weekend. I stopped taking my antabuse so it would be out of my system by then. I've got a lot of packing and cleaning to do next weekend because I move in 2 weeks. I thought it would be fun to have some drinks, and make the packing process go so much easier. All the time I've been planning this, I knew I shouldn't do it, but I kept thinking it won't be that bad. I just need to get through the move, and I then I'll go back to being sober and stay that way.
I'm so grateful I found this thread today. Now I remember exactly what it was like when I relapsed, regretted it, and started over at day 1 again. It wasn't that long ago. I just needed to remember. Well now I'm back on the antabuse. I don't want to go through day 1 ever again, and I will not be drinking next weekend. I hope I remember this the next time I start planning to drink. I'm afraid next time I might actually do it. But I'm going to stay strong. I'm bookmarking this post so I can refer to it when I need to. Thanks for the great thread!
I'm so grateful I found this thread today. Now I remember exactly what it was like when I relapsed, regretted it, and started over at day 1 again. It wasn't that long ago. I just needed to remember. Well now I'm back on the antabuse. I don't want to go through day 1 ever again, and I will not be drinking next weekend. I hope I remember this the next time I start planning to drink. I'm afraid next time I might actually do it. But I'm going to stay strong. I'm bookmarking this post so I can refer to it when I need to. Thanks for the great thread!
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