Flying4Life

I feel really alone and frustrated right now.
Why does alcohol have to be such a big deal in my life? (or at least in my mind)
Being raised in an alcoholic home it has been a big deal since I was in diapers. I obsessed about it before I ever took a drink, I obsessed about it while drinking, and I am obsessing about it now.
All this obsessing makes me want to drink so I don't have to think about it anymore, of course I know that this will only lead to increased worrying and fretting the moment I become sober again!
*sigh* I just needed to vent. Glad you're here.

Sapling

Are you working any recovery progarm Flying4Life?...I couldn't do it alone. The steps and the fellowship of AA worked for me.

sugarbear1

Try looking for Chapter 11 of the book Alcoholics Anonymous "A Vision For You" and see if you can relate to anything.....

Dee74

alcohol was a big part of my life growing up and into my adulthood too, so I get it.

because alcohol was central to nearly everything I used to do, I had to make some pretty broad changes in my life - what other changes have you made besides not drinking F4L?

D

Flying4Life

I have been a member of al-anon for 6 years now. I struggle with it because I worry that I am not doing it "right". Currently I am attending meetings regularly and I am working the steps slowly with my sponsor (although I worry that she is too busy for me). Today is hard, I've experienced a bunch of loss recently. I am finding myself hyper focusing on different things to avoid painful feelings.
I am glad that SR is here, sometimes I find it hard to come out of my shell these days.

gaffo

Have faith, it will get a lot better. I thought I was going to drive myself crazy for a while there. Try to concentrate on the aspects of sobriety that are good here and now, like no hangovers and more money.

Sapling

What are your feelings on working the AA program?...Do you think you need that?

awuh1

It pains me to see people write as you have above and not face fear and go to an AA meeting. I really think you would find it helpful, actually I believe it would be very helpful in your case.

Flying4Life

I have attended AA only a few times last year. It is quite terrifying to consider that I may have the same disease that killed my mother and stole her from me years before that. But I wouldn't be here if I didn't struggle with my drinking...
There is a women's meeting tomorrow morning across town.. I guess it couldn't hurt to try again. I am tired of feeling alone with this and it certainly wouldn't hurt me to try again.
I need to wrap my mind around the fact that I don't get to choose whether or not I am an alcoholic, I can only choose what to do about it. Either way, I like the idea of living life sober. It just makes me sick to think that I could've inherited the one thing about my mother that truly disgusted me and destroyed any hope of a relationship with her.
The more I contemplate my situation here and on my own the more I realize that I do need some help, and maybe the best thing that I can do is what my mother couldn't... admit that I have a problem and ask for help.

Sapling

You can stop this cycle...Put an end to this insanity. My Father was an alcoholic...I loved him. His false pride kept him from asking for help. Mine didn't. I asked for help...And got it.

Flying4Life

Morning Everyone! I am up and getting ready to go to the meeting I mentioned last night. I guess when it comes down to it today, staying sober is more important to me than my pride in struggling on my own. I am a bit nervous but I am sure everyone there will be nice, maybe even glad I am there.
The truth is that I need sobriety to work for me because I know that drinking will destroy my life sooner or later.
See you when I get back!

Sapling

Have a good meeting...I'm sure they'll be glad to see you. Let us know how it goes, I'm going to a meeting now myself.

Jeni26

Have a great meeting. No-one needs to do this on their own x

tomsteve

"I guess it couldn't hurt to try again"
change this
to this
" it wont hurt."

one of the characteristics of the disease of alcoholism is the obsession to drink. then theres craving and compulsion. alcohol is a symptom to much deeper problem and from what i read, i believe you can find that true for you.

"admit that I have a problem and ask for help.
now that there is some humility and humility is teachability. there is absolutely no shame in admitting this. it would be shame to know ya gotta problem and not do anything about it.

2granddaughters

Have a great meeting. I'm going to the morning meeting in Kingsville this morning. What part of our Province are you from ??.. I'm down near Windsor.

I know a few alcoholics who got their start in Al-Anon. Welcome aboard !!

Bob R

Flying4Life

I went to the meeting this morning. It wasn't as hard this time... but it also wasn't easy. I found it was just another meeting based on the same steps and traditions as al-anon. I tried not to compare myself to the other women there. I know that I have a lot to lose if I don't grab onto recovery now.

I need to keep going to practice acceptance and learn that it is okay that I can't handle my alcohol and that my drinking or not is my business and I need to take care of myself. Part of taking care of myself is asking for help, even though I feel so ashamed!

I need to accept that I was born to be an alcoholic, it's just how my body and brain are wired, and I did grow up in a home where I was taught that drinking was the way to deal with emotional distress and relationship conflicts.

I did try drinking my pain away, I knew it was dangerous but I did it anyway.
I don't want the life of misery and hopelessness that my parents had. I want something better... and I need to reach out and grab it! I need to save myself and my future from the clutches of active alcoholism.

I need to work on my recovery now and I don't need to tell anyone in my personal life about it until I am good and ready.

Thanks for the support and encouragement everyone. I am feeling better today, more clear headed.

Sapling

That works for me. Use the help you have there...And here. And you can change your life.