Hevyn

Great news! Onward and upward we go.

soberbythesea

Thank you everyone... lyddie you're right, my 8 months sober were great. What got me back in the trap was the classic thought of "it will be different this time." I somehow convinced myself that if I started drinking "moderately" again, it wouldn't be a problem. But of course we all know where that leads. I need to try as hard as I can NOT to fall back into that trap this time.

I slept so well last night without the alcohol. So far Day 2's going well, although it's not really the time yet when I would've started drinking. But I think this evening will be ok. I'm just going to be at home with my husband.

I'll keep checking in

soberbythesea

Almost done with Day 3... I'm eating everything in sight, especially sugar and chips -- junk food we bought for our party this weekend... I'm usually not a junk food junkie but for some reason I can't seem to step away from it right now. Same thing with sugary sodas, etc. I'm trying to give myself a break on it right now (even though I want to lose some weight) because I know from experience that the first few days are hard. After a week or two, I'll try more to rein it in.

lyddie

Don't worry about the junk food. Just do whatever you need to do to not drink. It took me over a year before I was able to deal with the sugar cravings that I developed after quitting.

Hang in there - you can do this.

soberbythesea

Thanks lyddie... I've been a little better with the junk today than yesterday. Amazingly, I'm now on Day 4 and I've already lost a pound, despite inhaling junk food and sugary sodas since day 1.

lyddie

Hooray for Day 4!

(( HUGS ))

instant

SBTS
Pleased you are going well. I found reading the Big Book (free online) helpful, even though it is olde fashioned you will recognise the stories. I think you put it so well that the off switch is missing.

It is only in retrospect that I now recognise the insidious nature of the addiction. I do think it is progressive if we continue to drink, which your husband is not factoring into his assessment and advice.

I now think a life of sobriety can be a rich and rewarding one. I value the freedom from the torment, struggle and progressive despair.

RyanRyan

Glad you are here too...I'm 4-23. I've stopped and started more times than I can count over the years. I do know that Hanging out here at SR has helped me be more successful than any attempt alone using my diseased head as a guiding light. I would say the only time you can stop trying is when you stop breathing for good. good luck on your new journey!

soberbythesea

Thanks so much you guys. Instant, I did start reading the Big Book (actually listening to it, on my walks.) A lot of it makes sense to me so far, and I'm kind of surprised by that.

Good luck RyanRyan

I've started putting $10 a day away to represent the amount of money I'm not spending on alcohol. In my opinion, this is an extremely conservative figure, as the bottles of wine I used to drink (and finish in a day) usually cost at least $15-30 each, not to mention the beer, cocktails when I'd go out etc etc.... Since I always drank different things, I think it would be really hard to accurately estimate the total I spent, But I am pretty sure $10 a day is a more than fair average.

I'm keeping the money in my hollow book on the bookcase. I used to keep cigarettes in there, a habit that was always tied in with my drinking. This is the first time I've really used it for something positive.

I have an idea in mind of what I'm going to buy with it when I get to a couple of months. I'll post about it if and when that happens

dorito281211

Welcome back! I'm relatively new here and love this site. My advise, this time around, stay . Seems the Trend is people leave, think they are healed recovered or what ever, and that is fine, but people soon forget and the insanity returns--but this is a program of action that requires us to stay-forever .
Welcome back and congrats on finding sobriety again.

soberbythesea

Thanks dorito I will stay...

I'm not even really craving a drink right now... per se... it's more dealing with the withdrawal symptoms that is hard. Namely: anxiety, feeling jumpy, craving sugar and salty junk food, worrying about how I will handle upcoming future situations (I know I'm not supposed to do that last one, but sometimes I do...)

SR helps more than anything, especially since I haven't talked to my husband about my intention to quit permanently. I know he doesn't understand. I need to get a little more time under my belt before I talk to him, because I know he's just going to tell me again that I need to "moderate." THAT IS NOT POSSIBLE.

donenow

Denying that you have a problem is probably an attempt to try and protect both himself and you from an ugly reality, because he wants to see you in the best light possible, because he loves and cares. I think everyone here knows your trying to be a better you, he'll come to that conclusion too. Keep going, keep going!

soberbythesea

So even though I just said I wasn't going to, I actually ended up talking to my husband about this at dinner... we were relaxed, so it seemed like a good time.

I said "I think I might be done drinking" (the truth, as you guys know, is I KNOW I am trying to stop forever... but I figured starting with "I think" was less threatening)

He goes "Really done?"

I said "yeah. I don't think it's contributing anything positive to my life"

He said, "well, not at your current rate of consumption"

Then I explained that I didn't feel I could moderate it. I was trying to give examples to him of things I've done in the past that show this- like

Me: "honey, remember that time when we went to atlantic city? and I had like 15 vodka sodas and was throwing up all night? and we thought I might have to go to the hospital the next day because I couldn't even keep down water?"

Him: "yeah"

Me: "well... don't you ever wonder why that stuff only happens to me?? and not you?"

Him: "because I moderate my drinking"

Me: "yeah. because you're not an alcoholic"

Him: "you're not an alcoholic!"

Sigh. Finally I said "OK, you don't have to agree with me. you just have to support me" and he agreed to do so.

I know he will support me, but it's so frustrating that the one person I feel should be able to see my problem, can't. It makes it harder for me to remember myself what a problem it is, when he's telling me I'm fine.

RyanRyan

Hey thesea, it's good that you know you have a problem really, even if hubby doesn't. My wife really never wanted to admit it either. It was easier for her to say you drink to much but when I asked her if she thought i was an alky it was like the "don't say word" ...neither of us wanted to have that label because you know everybody drinks too much so I'm like everyone else...but not really. Good luck

Dispatches

Its good you came back here. Good Luck!

soberbythesea

Alcoholic is just a shorthand really... It's just a word. I dont care if he doesn't want to use that word. But I do wish he would see that I am not like everyone else, that moderation is not an option for me. I've tried it so many times, and it always ends up the same.

You're right though, the important thing is that I see the problem myself.

beherenow

SBTS -- thank you for posting this. I feel just like you do about your husband's inability to understand the circuit breaker. I'm having another candid discussion with the hubs today about my drinking. GOD willing, it will be the LAST!

BillyPilgrim

Hi soberbythesea.
Glad to hear that you are doing great in the community. I am 3 months in SR and have never felt better.
I have two rules
1 Dont have the first drink
2 Remember rule 1

It works for me

soberbythesea

My husband just forwarded me an email from a winery we used to go to sometimes, talking about their new wines for this year. *head explodes*

Obviously, we still have some work to do. I'm not even going to try talking to him about this one. I just archived the e-mail, and maybe once I SHOW that I'm serious about this by staying sober for a few weeks or months, he will stop doing this kind of stuff.