I am looking at my two year old & trying to remember why I'm staying sober but...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 21
I am looking at my two year old & trying to remember why I'm staying sober but...
As I'm writing this I'm in tears its been 14 hours since my dose..I have the chills, my body hurts & worst of all I am totally thrown off mentally...I want nothing more than to call & receive what I know will make me feel better,what will make me feel happy & take all these bad thoughts away. I also know that I can't..so i will have to do & deal with with I've been trying to avoid my entire life..I will have to endure these painful feelings until it is over. I'm feeling like I will never be happy, how can I without the drugs? Life won't have any meaning.. I know these are the withdrawals playing tricks on me but right now it's pretty convincing. I'm looking at my 2 year old & trying to remember im doing this for him..but I can't help feeling like I want them anyway..and now I feel even worse because the thought of my son isn't enough to keep my mind focused and get through the widrawals. I'm trying to think of the positive- how I am graduating college in may- how I never stopped working or going to school even when I was pregnant- but even this is not enough I am still sitting on my couch watching my son play - while I cry writing this to people I don't know because I am that desperate for some support. Any support would be greatly appreciated - I feel like this is going to be a long day...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: springfield, va
Posts: 1,385
Kiddo,
What are you withdrawing from? Are you going cold turkey? I think you are far stronger than you realize. You are on the right track by thinking positive thoughts. I have several more for you: courageous, loving mother, honest, sincere, tenacious and open. Keep reaching out, keep posting - I promise you it will get better. You are not alone, we are here to support and love you.
What are you withdrawing from? Are you going cold turkey? I think you are far stronger than you realize. You are on the right track by thinking positive thoughts. I have several more for you: courageous, loving mother, honest, sincere, tenacious and open. Keep reaching out, keep posting - I promise you it will get better. You are not alone, we are here to support and love you.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Kiddoo..... I strongly suggest you check out NA in your area. I'm not an NA person myself but I know a lot of ppl who've had their entire lives renewed in NA as the result of working the program.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 21
Thank you so much for your kind words..I am just in tears writing this I want this feeling to go away so bad..opiates are my drug of choice..vicodin specifically..never got into rx or oc but took 10-15 vicodin daily..Iam trying to quit cold turkey even though I have subs in my closet..I was never serious about stopping until now..the drugs ,ade me feel great for so long buti have hit my bottom & I'm serious about recovery, I just don't want to feel like this.. I can't stop crying & I'm hurting so bad..how can I live and love life with out the ? This has been an on & off again struggle for 4 years..i have come to the point where I am no longer in control & came close to being caught at work with them & I've decided they are no longer going to take over my life..but the pain & the bad thoughts I'm feeling right now are overcoming my will to stay sober & it's only been14 hours..I can't even enjoy my son right now be because mentally I'm a mess..how long am I going to feel this way? Can I love life again without them?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: toronto canada
Posts: 181
im in the same boat as you.
coming off a 3 day bender/feel lowest part of my life ever.
lost my beautiful woman .we were together 14 years ,she dosnt ever want to see me again,and the pain is unbearable.
cant get her out of my mind.
i curse alcohol it has ruined my life.and cost me my soulmate.
coming off a 3 day bender/feel lowest part of my life ever.
lost my beautiful woman .we were together 14 years ,she dosnt ever want to see me again,and the pain is unbearable.
cant get her out of my mind.
i curse alcohol it has ruined my life.and cost me my soulmate.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 21
I knew I was stopping as well - and went on a weekend bender..tried to prepare myself last night for what I would be in for today - but even that didn't help I am at my lowest of low- and worst of all- my angel, my baby is looking right at me & I have managed to fail him....
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: toronto canada
Posts: 181
i know ..i drank to forget about her....massive argument last night..she threatened to call the police ,if i didnt stop calling her...my heart is so broken over this mess i created.
and the withdrawl is almost unbearable
and the withdrawl is almost unbearable
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: springfield, va
Posts: 1,385
Ulverston,
Please don't ever say that. Life may be difficult at times, but life is also a gift. It may not seem like it in the throes of addiction. Every life has value and every life has meaning. God bless you both for posting. That demonstrates great courage. I know for me that would be the last thing I would do. I hope you find solace in the fact that you are demonstrating great strength, you are not alone and that there is hope.
Please don't ever say that. Life may be difficult at times, but life is also a gift. It may not seem like it in the throes of addiction. Every life has value and every life has meaning. God bless you both for posting. That demonstrates great courage. I know for me that would be the last thing I would do. I hope you find solace in the fact that you are demonstrating great strength, you are not alone and that there is hope.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: toronto canada
Posts: 181
i simply cant see a way forward without her the lonliness i feel is terrible.
i wish to god that i could find peace..
a friend of mine gave me some ativan to help calm me down
im a complete mess
i wish to god that i could find peace..
a friend of mine gave me some ativan to help calm me down
im a complete mess
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: springfield, va
Posts: 1,385
Ulverston,
Posting here is a great way to alleviate lonliness. You aren't alone. People here care about you. Focus on that. Focus on the friendships you have and that things will get better.
Posting here is a great way to alleviate lonliness. You aren't alone. People here care about you. Focus on that. Focus on the friendships you have and that things will get better.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 8,642
Kiddoo.....you are actually lucky, ( not to mention smart ) that you are looking at your two year old and trying to get sober for him. It is so much better to address this now at your age than to look into the eyes of your adult children many years from now while you are in detox. And of course by "you", I mean me. Embrace this opportunity. As much as I wish I had gotten sober at your age, I am forever grateful that I got sober at mine! Keep posting here. We really care. And feel free to PM any of us. God Bless.
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