LDT

Ulverston..... I love this saying. I hope it will help:

"Just on the other side of discomfort is God".

Keep posting.

ulverston

i have a firm belief in the lord/but right now i find it too difficult to pray.
i cried out to him this morning in desperation.
just wish i could sleep..
im so anxious about everything in my life..
plus as well as losing my gf my mother is dying in england.
this partly why my relationship ended.
i had to go back to see her before she dies

2granddaughters

You haven't failed your baby yet.
Do you have family near you? Is there a spouse in your life?

I agree with DayTrader, call NA and tell them where you are at. They have been where you are and can help you through this.

Bob R

2granddaughters

Are you going to AA ??

Bob R

ulverston

yes ive been in aa for seven yrs.
maybe im one of thoose who is constituionally incapable with being honest with myself

GrowingDaily

Kiddoo...

Please remember, and keep reminding yourself, that your withdrawal results in temporary clinical depression. That's a scientific fact. All of these feelings of hopelessness, of doubt, of pain, of sadness, of fatigue, of disinterest - they're a product of your brain chemistry, which is a product of the drugs and your withdrawal from them. From the first moment you stopped taking pills, your life started to improve. That's undeniable (even though you can't feel it yet). You just can't see reality right now through the fog of depression.

I know this all feels very, very real to you. I know it's hard (if not impossible) to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But it will come. If you give yourself the time necessary for your mind to heal, without using, it will come. So, for lack of better words - just suck it up. Life's going to be a bit miserable right now. You're going to forget the reasons you stopped in the first place. Your mind is going to be screaming at you for its fix. Don't listen. IT'S ALL TEMPORARY.

Seek out help. Stay here on the forums. Get whatever treatment you need. But above all, don't take another pill. You're going to have to go through hell to get to heaven. It's worth it. Hang in there.

RyanRyan

You are inspiring to me...please stay strong.

Kiddoo

thank you so much for your kind words - they have truly truly helped & I am grateful..I don't have anyone I can talk to about this - my spouse is not someone I can go to (unfortunately) when he found my subs all he cared about was how I was getting the money..we haven't spoken about it since..he also doesn't believe it is a real problem & that I'm fine..we used to do them together recreationally..he can start & stop whenever and sees this as weakness...so I'd prefer not to talk to him about it...I really have no one else I could go to...I wish I had time for NA & group meetings I just don't right now..I took a small dose of subs this am & I am feeling better..a little tired but not crying as much...when will I feel better ?

GrowingDaily

This is important. Simple, but important.

Absolutely nothing in your life, in your environment, or in your relationship changed between your first post & this one. And yet you feel better. Why? Because your brain got what it was begging for. It had absolutely nothing to do with reality.

Likewise, when you don't have have that fix, your view of the world around you, of your problems, of your fears, deteriorates. Once again, nothing in your world has changed (except positively - as you're quitting). Only your perception has.

Remember that.

No-one can tell you how long it's going to take to feel better. It's going to take time, and it's going to take a lot of work & introspection on your part. More often than not the hardest part is coming to terms with the reasons you started abusing in the first place. Reasons you're likely not even aware of at the time. But once you get past the actual physical withdrawals, you should improve progressively. At first you might be surprised by just a little glimmer of happiness, then fall right back into depression. But those moments where your mood lifts will start increasing in frequency & duration so long as you take care of yourself.

Fill your time with self improvement. Take up new hobbies. Read new books. Exercise daily. Get out in the sun daily. Take some time for yourself daily.

As for your spouse - you may or may not be able to change his mind about how serious this is for you. And in all fairness, it's impossible for someone who hasn't experienced addiction to have any clue what you're going through. But it doesn't matter. What matters is that YOU know how serious it is. You do what it takes to make you whole again, regardless of what anyone else thinks.

2granddaughters

Kiddoo, what do you want to happen? What do you expect from SR?
As I see it you have a BIG problem and you are nixing any solutions to the problem.
You can't/won't let your husband help you with the child to free up time for treatment. You "don't have time" for NA meetings. There is nobody else you can count on/talk to in your predicament ??!! .... As I see it, you really don't have a choice here.
MAKE TIME for NA or stay where you are and get worse .....
GET SOME HELP from your husband whether you want it or not. it's the child I'm worried about.

Hey, it's your choice. I wish you the best. I can only pray for your child and trust GOD's will .

Bob R

Dee74

Hi Kiddoo

I think most of us have felt this way - the fear of change is what keeps us in the old ways....

I'll be honest with you - it hasn't always been easy being clean and sober but I'm happy for the first time in my adult life - and life has so much more meaning than it ever did when I was drunk or high.

None of us would be here on SR if we felt we lost out in recovery

I think supports important tho - most recovery methods - like NA or non 12 step methods like SMART - have online meetings.

Other methods like AVRT (Rational Recovery) have no meetings at all and rely on books.

Of course you'll find a lot of support here as well
I'd encourage you to check out our substance abuse forum too

Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

and I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach

welcome
D

Kiddoo

2granddaughters..I was just hoping for some support from some people who have experienced what I am experiencing now...and that was exactly what I got & I am grateful..I'm not sure if you read my post about my spouse, he is not warm & loving & he expects I will just snap out of it..that I shouldn't need to depend on anything to be happy & he has never struggled with addiction..im not concerned for my son, I love him more than life itself & he is the reason I breathe, I am worried that I won't be the best mother I can be because the addiction is trying to take over, I have looked into more online support but did find a meeting close to my house..I want to be sober I want sobriety, I want to love life with out using, I'm just mentally not in a good place right now, as most of you know this is a very diffcult decision to make, but I've made the decision to find sobriety, and ive made it with my whole heart & I thank you all so much for showing so much support, support that I desperately need

Kiddoo

Hey guys- 4th day of sobriety...iam really depressed and withdrawn...I thought it would be great once I stopped because I really wanted it but instead I'm sad & totally withdrawn..I have a social event this afternoon & I'm totally dreading it..being around some people I dont know & not high..the thought is giving me anxiety & there is really no way o get out of it..I know I'll be miserable & counting down the minutes until I can leave..ugh I guess this is why people relapse..it's hard & I'm wondering why I'm trying. To stay sober when I'm miserable ugh, I cant see the light at the end of the tunnel & that's sad, It feels like i m going to feel this way forever :/

desertsong

I had a Vicodin addiction in my 20's and I understand exactly how you feel. I didn't detox at home ... I had combined the pills with alcohol and ended up in the hospital for 3 days under a psychiatric hold. I wasn't given much for the withdrawals and they were brutal ... much worse than with alcohol. So I get the depression, believe me.

BUT ... it passes. Your body is freaking out because it's not getting its "fix, and your brain is trying to recalibrate itself. This causes the symptoms you describe. They ARE horrible but they don't last forever. The first week is the worst. You are already on your 4th day and will soon be through the worst of it. I know it feels like it's going to last forever, but it doesn't. Soon your head will clear and your body will realize that it is functioning just fine without the pills.

Meantime, try to eat, try to drink a lot of water to flush all the toxins out (it helps A LOT), and try to keep busy. Exercise is a great mood elevator and gets those nice little endorphins going - they will help smooth out your mood. Even if it's just taking your baby in the stroller and walking around the block a few times, it will help. Just be GOOD to yourself, and your mind and body will follow.

Kiddoo

I've been taking very small amounts of suboxone..if i take the 8 mg I'm vomiting all day, im taking less than 2mg I cut the strips. This doesn't bring much relief..although the first day when i was physically withdrawing it helped a lot..so im just thinking of not taking the subs anymore either, im probably over the physical withdrawal & the last thing I want is to get addicted to those stupid things..sigh.....I just wish i was in a better mental place so i could enjoy my time off with the little one who loves me so much..im just withdrawn & find myself staring out into space..sigh..

keltie

Hang in there, Kiddoo. You are actually doing GREAT! Day 4? I think most people agree that after days 4/5 things start to look up. I admire you.

freshstart57

Kiddoo, Keltie makes a great point. Do you understand that you are a beacon of hope to someone else reading your posts right now? To someone who thinks that they will never get straight?

You have more strength than you know. You have much to be proud of right now, and that list is about to get a whole lot longer. Congratulations to you.

Kiddoo

Thanks guys, you really made my day..I was taking 2mg sub for a couple weeks..I haven't even thought about pills since taking it. I have no more subs as of today & my mood has been stable..so as of tomorrow I will be dependent on nothing! (next thing to tackle:cigarettes! But I figure one thing at a time) I'm a little nervous not having to anything..but I have realized I have more strength than I give myself credit for thank you for all your encouraging words