Did or do any of you suffer from isolation?
I'm here to learn!
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
One thing I realized in the course of my recovery is that loneliness is a choice. Isolation is a choice. Being alone is a fact, how you react to the fact of being alone results in being lonely or not.
So I wouldn't say that I've suffered much from loneliness, but I would say I put myself through a lot of loneliness.
As it stands now I am often alone, but I'm ok with being alone and I don't feel lonely.
So I wouldn't say that I've suffered much from loneliness, but I would say I put myself through a lot of loneliness.
As it stands now I am often alone, but I'm ok with being alone and I don't feel lonely.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Central Texas
Posts: 223
Being alone is a fact, how you react to the fact of being alone results in being lonely or not.
I agree with your point Josh. I can be alone and content at times. It's weekends when it hurts not having any friends. Feel like such a loser. I have such a hard time connecting with other people. It really sucks.
I agree with your point Josh. I can be alone and content at times. It's weekends when it hurts not having any friends. Feel like such a loser. I have such a hard time connecting with other people. It really sucks.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Hi Sapling. Yes, me too. Especially the last few years of my drinking career. I didn't want to be away from my stash and the restroom. How pathetic.
It's so good to open up the curtains and invite the sun in, not to flinch at the sound of the phone or a knock on the door - but to welcome these things without fear.
It's so good to open up the curtains and invite the sun in, not to flinch at the sound of the phone or a knock on the door - but to welcome these things without fear.
I'm here to learn!
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
Originally Posted by Dazee 
Being alone is a fact, how you react to the fact of being alone results in being lonely or not.
I agree with your point Josh. I can be alone and content at times. It's weekends when it hurts not having any friends. Feel like such a loser. I have such a hard time connecting with other people. It really sucks.
I agree with your point Josh. I can be alone and content at times. It's weekends when it hurts not having any friends. Feel like such a loser. I have such a hard time connecting with other people. It really sucks.
Please don't take me to mean that it's not difficult to connect with others. I have a hard time making connections too. If you deal with depression it can be even harder to motivate yourself to step outside of your comfort zone and meet people.
AA and other recovery meetings have been helpful to me when I need to talk to people and feel like someone cares about me, but there are other options as well.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: CA
Posts: 174
Definitely.
What makes it worse is that when you stop turning to people, they stop turning to you. That's another hurdle that's tough to face. All of a sudden you 'wake up' and there's no-one left in your life. At least that's what it feels like to me. And - for the first time in ages - the loss & loneliness actually hurts.
I regret the friends I've abandoned. I won't make that mistake again.
What makes it worse is that when you stop turning to people, they stop turning to you. That's another hurdle that's tough to face. All of a sudden you 'wake up' and there's no-one left in your life. At least that's what it feels like to me. And - for the first time in ages - the loss & loneliness actually hurts.
I regret the friends I've abandoned. I won't make that mistake again.
*Grateful*
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,619
I totally did. See all my friends I have made since moving to the Midwest were my church lady friends...all while I was suffering in silence. I had to come to the end of myself and get help. Of course i did not want any of them around for fear they would find out.....so I Isolated even more.
When I got clean almost a year and a half ago I found that my 2 best buddies had moved on w/out me. The times I would call them while using I babbled on and on and they basically are done w/ me. I even at one point went to each of them and they want no part of me.
I really however feel as if I have grown as a person soooo much that I want to be around others who are merciful and display characters of grace, love, forgiveness and non-judgement. Those 2 ladies used to speak so negatively toward others, I realized I didn't need that in my life anymore.
Today I am a healthy confident woman and tomorrow I am having tea w/ a very kind lady who does not gossip. Mondays I meet w/ a couple of other ladies, I have joined the choir and we go to a care group on Saturday nights!
My life is full of healthy friends and I am clean and sober.
I kind of understand a lil what ejoshua said too, I am even okay now being alone. I have come to the point of realizing I do not need to be around people just to be around them and that alone time is a good thing!
I agree, great post!
Lily
When I got clean almost a year and a half ago I found that my 2 best buddies had moved on w/out me. The times I would call them while using I babbled on and on and they basically are done w/ me. I even at one point went to each of them and they want no part of me.
I really however feel as if I have grown as a person soooo much that I want to be around others who are merciful and display characters of grace, love, forgiveness and non-judgement. Those 2 ladies used to speak so negatively toward others, I realized I didn't need that in my life anymore.
Today I am a healthy confident woman and tomorrow I am having tea w/ a very kind lady who does not gossip. Mondays I meet w/ a couple of other ladies, I have joined the choir and we go to a care group on Saturday nights!
My life is full of healthy friends and I am clean and sober.
I kind of understand a lil what ejoshua said too, I am even okay now being alone. I have come to the point of realizing I do not need to be around people just to be around them and that alone time is a good thing!
I agree, great post!
Lily
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Randolph NJ
Posts: 70
I agree with all of the posts here and I've found the toughest part of my recovery is making new friends and repairing old relationships. That's also true with former "drinking buddies" who view me very differently now that I've quit. A lot of my relationships were focused on alcohol and when I took that out of the equation, I realized I didn't have a lot in common with those people.
I've always been a little introverted and had a little bit of an inferiority complex, but recently I've taken the attitude of "I really don't care what people think about me". I still do care but I don't cater to everyone to get them to like me. I'm just myself and if they like me fine, if not fine. My self esteem and self confidence have definitely improved, I'm not back to 100% yet, but it's better than 0%.
I've always been a little introverted and had a little bit of an inferiority complex, but recently I've taken the attitude of "I really don't care what people think about me". I still do care but I don't cater to everyone to get them to like me. I'm just myself and if they like me fine, if not fine. My self esteem and self confidence have definitely improved, I'm not back to 100% yet, but it's better than 0%.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 8,642
I felt more isolated last year when I was with my large group of friends drinking, than I do this year around my MUCH smaller group of friends NOT drinking. My isolation was self inflicted. It was needed for my healing. Being alone and feeling lonely are not the same thing.
And then again, there were those mornings at 3:30 a.m, drinking alone, in my car, in the parking lot of some 24 hour super store.....pretty lonely. But that was then......
And then again, there were those mornings at 3:30 a.m, drinking alone, in my car, in the parking lot of some 24 hour super store.....pretty lonely. But that was then......
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 11
Originally Posted by yo466
I agree with all of the posts here and I've found the toughest part of my recovery is making new friends and repairing old relationships. That's also true with former "drinking buddies" who view me very differently now that I've quit. A lot of my relationships were focused on alcohol and when I took that out of the equation, I realized I didn't have a lot in common with those people.
I've always been a little introverted and had a little bit of an inferiority complex, but recently I've taken the attitude of "I really don't care what people think about me". I still do care but I don't cater to everyone to get them to like me. I'm just myself and if they like me fine, if not fine. My self esteem and self confidence have definitely improved, I'm not back to 100% yet, but it's better than 0%.
I've always been a little introverted and had a little bit of an inferiority complex, but recently I've taken the attitude of "I really don't care what people think about me". I still do care but I don't cater to everyone to get them to like me. I'm just myself and if they like me fine, if not fine. My self esteem and self confidence have definitely improved, I'm not back to 100% yet, but it's better than 0%.
When I relapsed, I was in a new state, new city, new job, no friends, and my ex had just left me, making life as miserable as she could. I used alcohol to numb the emotions and to cope with my isolation. That is how it started and has contributed to a large part of my disease. My past feelings of inadequacy and isolation from my own family, did not help either.
I felt powerless to change this and self-medicated
I have taken up the attitude of, "I am a better person than this, and I don't care what others think of me, as long as I am doing, what I think is right for myself and what I believe is the right thing to do."
I believed even if I stopped drinking they will still disagree with many of my decisions, or tell me how much I have screwed up in the past, yadda yadda yadda. I am just going to have to find a shield against this and focus on my sobreity.
By allowing them put me down or allowing them to affect my feelings of self-worth. I have given them control over me and given alcohol control over me, as well.
I know they are trying to help, at times. However, they have not really been able to provide the emotional support or love I needed. Some of their decisions meant "to help" actually made things much worse. Anger and feelings of mis-trust also, provided fuel to my alcoholism.
I don't blame them and, I realize that if I am going to get help for myself, I need to stop looking to them to provide it, stop expecting them to change, stop being angry for their past decisions, or that they cannot change. I just need to do it on my own. With help from others who understand what we have gone through and that I really am not alone.
A bit of a rant here, but I have so much to say on this topic and could go on and on and on.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Randolph NJ
Posts: 70
Rus-
Hey just to add to your post i've basically gotten three different reactions to my sobriety. The first is, you screwed up your life and you'll always be a screw up no matter what you do. The second is, why did you quit, you don't have a problem come hang out with us and use again. The third is, we're damn proud of you, it's great that you're doing better and it's good to have you back.
What I found interesting was what people in my life had each of the reactions above and how few have expressed to me the third reaction. To those people who did have the third reaction I will be grateful for the rest of my life and I've learned that the rest will have to accept me sober or will not be in my life, just the way it goes.
Hey just to add to your post i've basically gotten three different reactions to my sobriety. The first is, you screwed up your life and you'll always be a screw up no matter what you do. The second is, why did you quit, you don't have a problem come hang out with us and use again. The third is, we're damn proud of you, it's great that you're doing better and it's good to have you back.
What I found interesting was what people in my life had each of the reactions above and how few have expressed to me the third reaction. To those people who did have the third reaction I will be grateful for the rest of my life and I've learned that the rest will have to accept me sober or will not be in my life, just the way it goes.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: My Own Headspace
Posts: 158
Ditto to pretty much what everyone here is saying about isolation.
Isolation was (and still is) my comfort zone.
This week I went to lunch with three colleagues from work. Had a great time and saw what I've been missing all this time.
My comfort zone allows me to shop only in the middle of the night (at a 24-hour grocery store). My time spent with Oxy's was always in my bedroom alone, in front of the computer.
Isolating means not having to portray a fake self, or be in an uncomfortable position.
This sobriety-gig is a catch-22: knowing you can't (and shouldn't) isolate, but still wanting (and feeling the need) to at the same time...
Glad I'm not alone...
Isolation was (and still is) my comfort zone.
This week I went to lunch with three colleagues from work. Had a great time and saw what I've been missing all this time.
My comfort zone allows me to shop only in the middle of the night (at a 24-hour grocery store). My time spent with Oxy's was always in my bedroom alone, in front of the computer.
Isolating means not having to portray a fake self, or be in an uncomfortable position.
This sobriety-gig is a catch-22: knowing you can't (and shouldn't) isolate, but still wanting (and feeling the need) to at the same time...
Glad I'm not alone...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Whether I drink or not, there are days where I love nothing more than a day alone in my house. But, having young kids and playdates, and having to fix meals and do laundry and care for people all the time makes me love days alone with nothing to do.
So, that desire fed my drinking, and my drinking made me isolate to keep others from really knowing just how much I drank. A catch 22.
Kids are getting older, elders are no longer in my care and I *am* gradually reclaiming my life.
rochele
So, that desire fed my drinking, and my drinking made me isolate to keep others from really knowing just how much I drank. A catch 22.
Kids are getting older, elders are no longer in my care and I *am* gradually reclaiming my life.
rochele
...not falling down them
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,200
I like being around people but my favorite activity off and on this last year is to buy a bunch of beer or rarely a bottle, settle into the couch and just go for it, alone, chatting online or watching movies. I don't seek out drinking companions. It's simpler just to isolate.
And, I have had periods of sobriety where I isolated also but in a different way, like I'd go hiking or go to a different church or take a class but always on my own. I always had pals when I was young, but as I got older , married, had kids, I don't know why exactly, haven't gotten that far? I just tended to isolate. I'm on day 8 here sober, kind of sick, planning to hit AA asap.
And, I have had periods of sobriety where I isolated also but in a different way, like I'd go hiking or go to a different church or take a class but always on my own. I always had pals when I was young, but as I got older , married, had kids, I don't know why exactly, haven't gotten that far? I just tended to isolate. I'm on day 8 here sober, kind of sick, planning to hit AA asap.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
