Day 17
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Washington
Posts: 176
Day 17
Hey everyone
It has been a while since I have posted anything, I have been around but mostly reading and welcoming other newcomers to the forum. So I am 17 days sober today. The longest I have gone without drinking in a really long time. I am scared that this weekend might take me back to day 1 though
I have been using college as an excuse to my friends as to why I haven't been hanging out recently and now that i just got done with finals yesterday they want to hang out this weekend. Also I have a friend coming into town that i rarely get to see and he wants to hang out with me and my husband. None of my friends know about my problem and thats the way i want it to stay foe now. My problem is that all of the things that we do with friends all revolve around drinking and I don't think I am strong enough to be around alcohol and not drink right now. On top of that, i have also been entertaining the idea over the past couple of days that i can socially drink. Even thought about telling my husband to get a breathalizer so he could make sure I would only be drinking when we are with friends. This is the first time I have tried to give up alcohol so I'm justifying it to myself that it will be ok if I try and find out if I can have a few. This sounds terrible I know. It also sounds like I'm not taking my problem seriously and I hate that. I just have to be completely honest with my thoughts. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
It has been a while since I have posted anything, I have been around but mostly reading and welcoming other newcomers to the forum. So I am 17 days sober today. The longest I have gone without drinking in a really long time. I am scared that this weekend might take me back to day 1 though
I have been using college as an excuse to my friends as to why I haven't been hanging out recently and now that i just got done with finals yesterday they want to hang out this weekend. Also I have a friend coming into town that i rarely get to see and he wants to hang out with me and my husband. None of my friends know about my problem and thats the way i want it to stay foe now. My problem is that all of the things that we do with friends all revolve around drinking and I don't think I am strong enough to be around alcohol and not drink right now. On top of that, i have also been entertaining the idea over the past couple of days that i can socially drink. Even thought about telling my husband to get a breathalizer so he could make sure I would only be drinking when we are with friends. This is the first time I have tried to give up alcohol so I'm justifying it to myself that it will be ok if I try and find out if I can have a few. This sounds terrible I know. It also sounds like I'm not taking my problem seriously and I hate that. I just have to be completely honest with my thoughts. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
For me, it helped to be open with my family and friends about what had happened to me and what I was doing now about it.
And when it comes to social drinking, my last drinks were "social drinking." 3, maybe 4 beers over about 2 hours. It was totally stupid. My favorite analogy is it's like sex........ultra mega slow....a couple "slow pumps" and as soon as it starts to feel good you stop and walk away.
Maybe you CAN just have one or two and enjoy it.....drinking like that. For me, as I explained, drinking like that was more useless than not drinking at all. On the other hand, maybe you'll find that once you start, you awaken the demon within......the craving for more (that ONLY alcoholics get) kicks in, and you can't keep it limited to one or two.......or, as was true in my case, you can limit it but it's a crappy way to drink.
I'd suggest that in the meantime, you think back through your ACTUAL history of what's happened when you set out to have just one or two. Could you stick to the plan? Did you drink more than you planned to? Did that happen more than once? If so, doesn't it stand to reason that the same will happen today?
Waiting till the moment of truth to try to "just say no" or "think through the drink" NEVER worked for me. I have to do that stuff at times when I AM safe.....times when I'm not able to drink. An examination of my past shows that one or two was NOT drinking......it's like it didn't even count. My number was 8....... 8 Captain and d.Pepsi triples. 3 or 4 would get me "there".....8 was the number I liked but it was teetering on the edge of oblivion and blackouts. I was usually pretty good at not going into the TOTAL blackouts but there were always missing pieces of the day before. That's how I liked to drink..... the idea of one or two beers......bah, why waste my time? And really, most of the time I had one or two glasses of wine with dinner (a time when I usually could limit and control drinking), all that did was set me up for an evening of getting my REAL drink on once I got home.....
I won't tell ya not to drink. Maybe some lessons learned the hard way are what you need to go through. You've got some time though....and I think you're right to be scared because you're starting to see how you mind works against you......how your alcoholism (assuming you're alcoholic...which isn't my place to determine) will try to talk you back into your next round of oblivion.....
The other option you didn't cover is to mix in some real recovery with your not drinking plans. I've found the ppl who do that don't entertain the idea of drinking socially anymore. They find a replacement that wholly superior.
And when it comes to social drinking, my last drinks were "social drinking." 3, maybe 4 beers over about 2 hours. It was totally stupid. My favorite analogy is it's like sex........ultra mega slow....a couple "slow pumps" and as soon as it starts to feel good you stop and walk away.
Maybe you CAN just have one or two and enjoy it.....drinking like that. For me, as I explained, drinking like that was more useless than not drinking at all. On the other hand, maybe you'll find that once you start, you awaken the demon within......the craving for more (that ONLY alcoholics get) kicks in, and you can't keep it limited to one or two.......or, as was true in my case, you can limit it but it's a crappy way to drink.
I'd suggest that in the meantime, you think back through your ACTUAL history of what's happened when you set out to have just one or two. Could you stick to the plan? Did you drink more than you planned to? Did that happen more than once? If so, doesn't it stand to reason that the same will happen today?
Waiting till the moment of truth to try to "just say no" or "think through the drink" NEVER worked for me. I have to do that stuff at times when I AM safe.....times when I'm not able to drink. An examination of my past shows that one or two was NOT drinking......it's like it didn't even count. My number was 8....... 8 Captain and d.Pepsi triples. 3 or 4 would get me "there".....8 was the number I liked but it was teetering on the edge of oblivion and blackouts. I was usually pretty good at not going into the TOTAL blackouts but there were always missing pieces of the day before. That's how I liked to drink..... the idea of one or two beers......bah, why waste my time? And really, most of the time I had one or two glasses of wine with dinner (a time when I usually could limit and control drinking), all that did was set me up for an evening of getting my REAL drink on once I got home.....
I won't tell ya not to drink. Maybe some lessons learned the hard way are what you need to go through. You've got some time though....and I think you're right to be scared because you're starting to see how you mind works against you......how your alcoholism (assuming you're alcoholic...which isn't my place to determine) will try to talk you back into your next round of oblivion.....
The other option you didn't cover is to mix in some real recovery with your not drinking plans. I've found the ppl who do that don't entertain the idea of drinking socially anymore. They find a replacement that wholly superior.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by Holly7 
This is the first time I have tried to give up alcohol so I'm justifying it to myself that it will be ok if I try and find out if I can have a few.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 31
Hey Holly. Only on day 25 myself so I'm not in much of a position to offer advice. But, I can tell you my mind starts up the conversation you just shared almost word-for-word on pretty much a daily basis. Hope it gets easier.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi Holly
My advice is not to talk yourself back into drinking - you already know what drinking holds - don't fall for the trap of thinking that, because you've been sober for 17 days, thats shows you can probably drink more responsibly now - it just doesn't work that way if you're a drinker like me.
I spent a lot of time trying to keep my friends happy...what I realise now is if they were my true friends they would respect my decision not to drink.
I think true friends would understand if you told them why too - but I understand you may not be up for that. Good, real friends should still respect a 'no thanks I'm not drinking', tho.
I had to make a lot of changes in my life when I got sober - changes in who I hung with and where, and what I did - it was a big change... but I really *really* wanted to stop drinking.
Maybe there's something else you can do this weekend? something less alcohol orientated?
D
My advice is not to talk yourself back into drinking - you already know what drinking holds - don't fall for the trap of thinking that, because you've been sober for 17 days, thats shows you can probably drink more responsibly now - it just doesn't work that way if you're a drinker like me.
I spent a lot of time trying to keep my friends happy...what I realise now is if they were my true friends they would respect my decision not to drink.
I think true friends would understand if you told them why too - but I understand you may not be up for that. Good, real friends should still respect a 'no thanks I'm not drinking', tho.
I had to make a lot of changes in my life when I got sober - changes in who I hung with and where, and what I did - it was a big change... but I really *really* wanted to stop drinking.
Maybe there's something else you can do this weekend? something less alcohol orientated?
D
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,513
Holly, I know that it takes a lot of changes to deal with early recovery, but it's worth it.
One thing I would say, is don't make your husband responsible to test you to find out if you're sober. It's up to you to do it for yourself, or not.
One thing I would say, is don't make your husband responsible to test you to find out if you're sober. It's up to you to do it for yourself, or not.
I'm here to learn!
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
Hey Holly!
Congrats on 17 days! It sounds like your mind is thinking like an alcoholic: you're trying to justify your drinking, make plans for drinking, think of how you could potentially manage it, even considering relapse as a serious possibility. These are all crazy thoughts though, if you stop and think about it. Who in their right mind has to set up an elaborate framework for moderation -- to the point that the social event itself probably loses any happiness because you are so stressed out about trying to drink socially. It just doesn't make any sense.
I think you will find more peace in accepting the fact that you are a non-drinker. That takes time, to be sure, but it has to be something you're working towards. You can't live your whole life with one foot in and one foot out, so to speak. I think if you are able to accept the fact that you can't, and won't, drink in moderation or in excess that you will probably feel a sense of relief.
This was my experience, at least. I spent a lot of time on the merry-go-round, alternating between being sober and relapsing, and it was the most miserable time in my life. Worse than when I had just given into drinking altogether and wasn't trying to fight it.
As far as what to tell your friends I'm not really sure what to tell you. When I got sober I lost some friends because they lost interest in me, I lost some friends because I lost interest in them and I gained new friends. Getting sober tends to change the people you associate with, but doesn't have to. I guess it really depends on what kind of friends these people are. A few of my friends really stuck by my side and supported me when I got sober. Other people that I thought were my best friends -- including one guy that I was a groomsman at his wedding -- simply disappeared.
Anyways, you ought to be very proud of how far you have come. I hope you can get excited about the future, despite the fact that there will be tough times ahead. Sober living offers so much more than life at the bottom of a bottle.
Take care,
Congrats on 17 days! It sounds like your mind is thinking like an alcoholic: you're trying to justify your drinking, make plans for drinking, think of how you could potentially manage it, even considering relapse as a serious possibility. These are all crazy thoughts though, if you stop and think about it. Who in their right mind has to set up an elaborate framework for moderation -- to the point that the social event itself probably loses any happiness because you are so stressed out about trying to drink socially. It just doesn't make any sense.
I think you will find more peace in accepting the fact that you are a non-drinker. That takes time, to be sure, but it has to be something you're working towards. You can't live your whole life with one foot in and one foot out, so to speak. I think if you are able to accept the fact that you can't, and won't, drink in moderation or in excess that you will probably feel a sense of relief.
This was my experience, at least. I spent a lot of time on the merry-go-round, alternating between being sober and relapsing, and it was the most miserable time in my life. Worse than when I had just given into drinking altogether and wasn't trying to fight it.
As far as what to tell your friends I'm not really sure what to tell you. When I got sober I lost some friends because they lost interest in me, I lost some friends because I lost interest in them and I gained new friends. Getting sober tends to change the people you associate with, but doesn't have to. I guess it really depends on what kind of friends these people are. A few of my friends really stuck by my side and supported me when I got sober. Other people that I thought were my best friends -- including one guy that I was a groomsman at his wedding -- simply disappeared.
Anyways, you ought to be very proud of how far you have come. I hope you can get excited about the future, despite the fact that there will be tough times ahead. Sober living offers so much more than life at the bottom of a bottle.
Take care,
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Hi Holly, congrats on 17 days 
It is hard to tell friends about quitting drinking but its even harder to continue the pain & misery of drinking & the effects it has on you & your relationships.
Sometimes I find it valuable to go over my old posts to see where I was at.
Luckily you were very open & honest your first post, this makes it that much more powerful.
Here is is:
It is hard to tell friends about quitting drinking but its even harder to continue the pain & misery of drinking & the effects it has on you & your relationships.
Sometimes I find it valuable to go over my old posts to see where I was at.
Luckily you were very open & honest your first post, this makes it that much more powerful.
Here is is:
Originally Posted by Holly7
Hi everyone
I'm new to this site. I don't know what to say or where to begin. I'm an alcoholic. I only admitted it to myself yesterday. I have been drinking a bottle of wine 2-3 times a week before my husband gets home from work for about a year now.(he hardly drinks at all) Last night he came home and could tell I had been drinking ( he's found me this way a lot) when he asks me I usually deny it, but last night I felt it all needed to come out in the open. My husband has known there has been a problem for a while now. We even went to therapy and I stopped drinking for a couple of weeks. I slowly started to get back into sneeking a couple of drinks in before he got back from work and it's becoming more and more as time goes on. Thinking that I'll never be able to drink again makes me want to burst into tears. Telling my family that I have a problem just makes me feel physically sick. I'm not ready to do that. Admitting my problem to my husband was hard enough. Just don't know what to do from here. Today I can say I'm not going to drink but I'm unsure about tomorrow. This is do hard. I have been seeing a therapist for over a year now. She knows about my issue but I haven't been honest with her about starting drinking again. She thinks I stopped when my husband and I went to see her about 4 months ago. Now my husband wants me to tell her that I was lying and it's tearing me apart. I'm not a liar but the shame of my problem makes it easy to lie. I want to get through this without anyone knowing( apart from my husband) I just want my family and friends to think I just give up alcohol because of choice. Not because I have to.
I'm new to this site. I don't know what to say or where to begin. I'm an alcoholic. I only admitted it to myself yesterday. I have been drinking a bottle of wine 2-3 times a week before my husband gets home from work for about a year now.(he hardly drinks at all) Last night he came home and could tell I had been drinking ( he's found me this way a lot) when he asks me I usually deny it, but last night I felt it all needed to come out in the open. My husband has known there has been a problem for a while now. We even went to therapy and I stopped drinking for a couple of weeks. I slowly started to get back into sneeking a couple of drinks in before he got back from work and it's becoming more and more as time goes on. Thinking that I'll never be able to drink again makes me want to burst into tears. Telling my family that I have a problem just makes me feel physically sick. I'm not ready to do that. Admitting my problem to my husband was hard enough. Just don't know what to do from here. Today I can say I'm not going to drink but I'm unsure about tomorrow. This is do hard. I have been seeing a therapist for over a year now. She knows about my issue but I haven't been honest with her about starting drinking again. She thinks I stopped when my husband and I went to see her about 4 months ago. Now my husband wants me to tell her that I was lying and it's tearing me apart. I'm not a liar but the shame of my problem makes it easy to lie. I want to get through this without anyone knowing( apart from my husband) I just want my family and friends to think I just give up alcohol because of choice. Not because I have to.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 138
Giving up drinking it often very hard because so many of us use drinking in social situations. I was constanly looking for the next social situation, so I could use it as an excuse to drink. Of course, what I didn't realize at the time was no one else was drinking as much as me and getting out of control. Then I started sneaking alcohol at home, but my husband knew what I was doing. I went from being a binge drinker, to an everyday drinker, to sneaking alcohol so I could drink every day. One day I woke up, decided I wanted to be sober for than I wanted to drink, went to AA that day, and started to work a program of recovery. I will have 1 year of sobriety next week. I found I needed a program of recovery and the examples of others to follow and learn from. I had to give up my social life initially because I was uncomfortable in social situations when I wasn't drinking. Along with giving up up my social life I gave up all the guilt, shame, and remorse I felt on a daily basis due to my drinking. I gained a new relationship with my kids, husband, and myself. I am slowly starting to navigate social situations again because I have learned how to live a sober life. I wanted to be sober at home more than I wanted to be out with friends drinking. Sobriety often requires tough choices in the beginning. If you want to be sober find a program of recovery that works for you and stay at home and work on learning to live sober life. Nothing changes, if nothing changes. Best of luck.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Originally Posted by Holly7
Newbeginnings, I cried for the past 45 minutes over the reply you sent me with my original post. It was what I needed to see. Thank you so much.
You can do this & we are all here supporting you on this new journey.
Please keep sharing your thoughts & story, your openness is inspirational
Take Care ~ NB
*Grateful*
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,619
Holly,
First off, congratulations on 17 days! Secondly.....you know those voices in your head that tell you you can have just a few drinks this weekend, well, I am going to have to be frank with you, THEY ARE LIES! Now just to let you know I am a Bible believing Christian so I would say if those thoughts popped into my head, I would immediately know they were from the enemy (or the devil).
If you are not someone who believes the bible you could say those thoughts are perhaps your alcoholic voice speaking to you. Whatever you would like to call it, it is not truth. Think back to just how many times you thought you could just have a drink or two and it ended up at a bottle of wine?
Then ask yourself why you are afraid of what your old friends will think? Is it pride? When I first got sober I knew when I hung w/ people who were drinking or using it was dangerous for me.
I agree w/ Anna when she said you have to do this for yourself. Right now you are no longer experiencing cravings cuz you are over the physical withdrawal, but you are experiencing an obsession of the mind when you think you want to drink. You need to get to the point where you recognize it and then jump on the forum, go to a meeting, read the big book, have you done that yet Holly? are you starting to build a support group? you need tools in your tool box to pull out when you are facing tough situations.
I am pulling for you not to make any dreaded mistakes.
Lily
First off, congratulations on 17 days! Secondly.....you know those voices in your head that tell you you can have just a few drinks this weekend, well, I am going to have to be frank with you, THEY ARE LIES! Now just to let you know I am a Bible believing Christian so I would say if those thoughts popped into my head, I would immediately know they were from the enemy (or the devil).
If you are not someone who believes the bible you could say those thoughts are perhaps your alcoholic voice speaking to you. Whatever you would like to call it, it is not truth. Think back to just how many times you thought you could just have a drink or two and it ended up at a bottle of wine?
Then ask yourself why you are afraid of what your old friends will think? Is it pride? When I first got sober I knew when I hung w/ people who were drinking or using it was dangerous for me.
I agree w/ Anna when she said you have to do this for yourself. Right now you are no longer experiencing cravings cuz you are over the physical withdrawal, but you are experiencing an obsession of the mind when you think you want to drink. You need to get to the point where you recognize it and then jump on the forum, go to a meeting, read the big book, have you done that yet Holly? are you starting to build a support group? you need tools in your tool box to pull out when you are facing tough situations.
I am pulling for you not to make any dreaded mistakes.
Lily
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