Jeni26

Hi.
Am at a complete turning point in my life. Have drunk for as long as I can remember and done some dreadful things in the past. Manage to hold down a professional career and even got promotion so have been able to fool myself that alcohol wasn't really an issue, but for the past couple of months it has really got out of control and I am now admitting to myself that I need help. I just feel so ashamed ....

neferkamichael

Welcome Jeni, forget the shame, just a waste of your time.

sugarbear1

Welcome!

johnny2times

welcome jeni glad you found SR , some great people here with lots of advice/support to help you stay sober, try not to worry about the shameful things from ur drinking days, weve all been there n done it, you wont shock any of us with that stuff trust me lol god knows ive done some REALLY bad things in my drinking, gotta let that stuff go though, it belongs in the past, the future is what matters now, its great that you've admitted you have a problem with the drink already, thats the first step to getting better and turning things around things get better from now on i assure you, have you considered AA?
best wishes
johnny

jobei

Welcome friend! I was much the same way... I had an amazing job going that I worked myself into with a lot of blood/sweat/tears... I would "reward" myself by drinking constantly. I lost that job and a lot more because I lost control of my drinking. I've been in survival mode for 3 years now and finally was able to stop drinking about 3 weeks ago and things seem a lot brighter already... you can do it! I hope to see you around here for a long time!

IndaMiricale

Welcome to a wonderful place

Olivia333

Welcome Jeni!

You will love it here, just keep reading and posting. It will help you. You will find that you really belong here just like I did.

Olivia

Jeni26

I actually did contact someone from AA during the week who was lovely but then last night I did my usual Friday night thing of getting completely drunk under the pretence of thinking I deserved to relax after a stressful week at work. Of course it did nothing whatsoever to relax me. I just woke up today feeling awful! Just wish I could drink in moderation but I fear that will never be possible for me.

igottobesober

I tried the moderation thing, didnt work for me. I did good for a while, but ended up hitting bottom again. I started drinking when I was 12. I am 40. I have been sober for 27 days. you can do it. One day at a time. Good luck

johnny2times

I hear ya, that friday feeling used to get me alot too, 'i deserve a beer after a hard weeks graft', but of course it was never one or a few, more like 10+ cocaine etc, then id end up drinking to blackout , offending alot of people, waking up with the next day with the shakes thinkin 'omg what have i done now?!' and then the next day id drink to forget, and so it go's on and on.... its sooooo not worth the hassle eh? moderation doesnt work for of us, its impossible...time to throw in the towel on that one, its not all doom n gloom though , living a sober life is great , everything takes off n benefits from it ...from career/friendships/relationships etc its grand! especially if ya get with aa

Jeni26

Thank you all so much. Suddenly feel like I've made a whole new group of friends who accept me for who I am. At last. People I don't have to pretend with cos you all understand xxx

Anna

Jeni, we really do understand.

I think almost all of us wish and have tried to drink in moderation, but it usually ends up getting worse. Alcoholics can't do moderation. And, in fact, you might find it a relief when you stop drinking because the constant thoughts of alcohol will diminish.

You will be able to find healthy ways to relax at the end of the work week. We're here to offer support.

2granddaughters

Wait until you get to AA, you'll be right at home.

Wishing you the best.

Bob R (not too far from London, ON CANADA)

artsoul

Welcome Jeni!

Yep - you have lots of friends now! I can certainly relate to your post..... Spent a long time justifying my drinking because from the outside, things looked pretty good. I didn't let on how much alcohol was controlling me, of course, or how many mornings I felt like I was holding on by a thread.

I was terrified to give it up (and didn't know if I could, really), but I glued myself to this place and took it a day at a time. Things really will get better. Today, I can't imagine ever going back to that life.

Glad you're here!

Jeni26

Thank you. Guess this is just the start for me. Going to focus on getting through the rest of the weekend without yielding to temptation. On my own this evening which doesn't help but going to write myself a list of everything in my life I've got to be thankful for, it's a miracle I haven't lost everything by now. Gonna focus on the many positives

artsoul

It really is scary at first, but remember you only have to deal with today. Pick something today to look forward to: a nice meal, a warm bath, a new book, or just camping out with us! Pamper yourself, collect some positive quotes......

It's like playing a new instrument: it gets better with practice. You have to keep reminding yourself that you'll be able to play a beautiful song if you keep at it. Each day sober, each craving we get through, adds to our strength and sanity. I honestly never thought I'd stop thinking about (or wanting) a drink - I had to go on faith and what others said (that it would get better), and I'm so glad today that I did.

Don't buy into the fear, OK? (A great little ditty: F.E.A.R. = False Evidence Appearing Real).

Firehazard

Hi Jeni, And a big WELCOME to you.

It is Ok to be a bit ashamed but do not be to hard on yourself. None of us are perfect.

MarkstheSpot

Good luck, Jeni. I'm crippled with it today, too (Details on the Alcohol forum, in the thread "You've Read This Before, I Bet") so I know just what you're going through.

Dee74

Welcome to SR Jeni - you really are among friends here

D

holdfold

Hi Jeni,

It can be done, look around you There is much wisdom here, clear minds who have walked this path. The process is a simple two part program ... stop drinking and remain stopped. I am told the most important chip you will get at AA is the 24 hour chip ... I have earned more, but that is the only one I have and keep it with me as a reminder that it is a beginning of me being me again. There are many programs available which cater to many different stripes, faiths, philosophies and life styles .... all of it is free and easily accessible ... they are excellent tools to help you with the second part.
Forget the shame and the negative 'drives'. Ego and alcohol are passionate bed fellows.
Like you I had a 'big' job and a long and successful career until I could no longer control the drinking which usually started at 6 am and required a good dose of vodka to get me up to 'operating temperature' .... no longer, the job is history ... but so is the vodka and continues to be ... remember, asking for help is a sign of strength.
Wishing you all the best!