desertsong

Glad you are here, emjay. You will find much support here, as we have all been where you are. I, too, am a mom and I decided a long time ago that my kids deserved more from me than they were getting. I've had a lot of false starts but I'm back on Day 7 and more determined than ever to succeed this time. Don't give up hope.

Like the others said, it's important that you see your doctor (or a different doctor) as you get started on this journey. You need to find out if you have any health issues that may hinder your sobriety and they can also help you with detox, which can be difficult and/or dangerous on your own. Be completely honest about your alcohol use. Honesty with ourselves and others is important on this journey and crucial to your success.

I'm glad you found us. Keep coming back. You can do this!

Holly7

Hey emjay. Just wanted to say. Your not alone. We are all trying to get our lifes back on track. If you need to talk I'm here. I joined this forum not long ago. This forum and a meeting is what has kept me sober for 7 days now. You can do it. Wine was my drink of choice too. It's just not worth it. Keep posting. Anytime you feel weak just get on here. Good luck.

Emjay40

I don't mind admitting I'm terrified of the Doctor. If I went today and he took bloods he'd get a terrible reading I'm sure.

Luvdogs

Think of it this way....if it's bad then you are only confirming what you already think and they can help and you move forward. Or it's better then expected and you can move forward. Just rip that band-aid off!

2granddaughters

That's the kind of thinking that keeps us from going. I just had a blood workup and everything was fine. It's when we prejudge what will happen that we talk ourselves out of doing the right thing.
My prejudgments are ALWAYS negative.

AA will be in your phone book, probably on the first page. Get to the meeting and meet a room full of folks that think and feel just like you.

All the best.

Bob R

Fandy

but not knowing is worse....(kind of like hopping on the scale, yikes). We all have a starting point. 2nd guessing your blood-work may just make things worse. But taking control of the situation by joining here, stopping the downward spiral and meeting with your doctor to assess your health will give you part of the tools you need to stop.

If you are anything like me, you will start to feel better today around 5-6PM...then have a drink and the cycle begins again. I drank earlier and earlier during the day, passed out, woke up every morning heaving....lather, rinse, repeat. you want to get off the merrygoround.

Have you given any thought to how you may stop drinking? easier said than done. withdrawals are a given for most of us. which is why i keep suggesting the doctor.

gaffo

Expecting the worst seems to be a part of being an alcoholic. The Dr will probably give you a high five for quitting.

Speaking of expecting the worst, in addition to all the not fun stuff, quitting ROCKS, especially with kids around. Never having to be around them with a hangover is one of my favorite things about sobriety.

I stayed up until midnight working on an art project last night:no booze, no hangover, lots of good work done!

Good luck, Emjay, you'll find lots of help here!

Emjay40

I'll ring in the morning and make an appointment. You're right, it's better to know for sure.

I don't drink every day, just at the weekends. I managed three weeks in January without a drink and with no withdrawal effect. I guess I'm fortunate in that the dependency is emotional and not physical.

There doesn't appear to be an AA where I am, but I have found a therapy centre for addictions. I guess the Doctor will refer me there.......

saphira

I was terrified about going to the doctor as well. Actually, I'm ALWAYS terrified of going to doctors. It makes me so uncomfortable, and the last time I went I was especially nervous because, like you, I was convinced that I had destroyed my liver and was destined for a heart attack. I put it off and put it off... finally it got to the point where I couldn't worry about it anymore. I was sick of thinking about it on a daily basis... basically waiting for myself to drop dead at any moment. I felt so great after I left the doctor, even before I got my blood tests back. This may sound weird, but it feels good to "share the burden" with your doctor. It makes you feel like you have sort of a "team" caring for your body. Know what I mean? It's always better to know what's going on... that's what I've learned from going. You have children-- I'm sure there's been plenty of times that you've had to give them a pep talk before going to the doctor when they were scared... give yourself one. My son is 8 and before I went, I had mentioned that I was nervous. He said, "Don't worry, Mom. It's never as bad as you think it will be." Good advice!!

Buckley

This site brought me a lot of hope and support.
I wish I could say I quit drinking for good, but I'm obviously back here today for a reason, and it's because I'm depressed and feel guilty and ashamed and am lost.
Wine is my crutch for my anxiety and depression. And when I start, I don't stop. And I ended up in the ER with an ulcer.

My suggestion to you (and it worked for me, might not work for everyone), is to devote yourself to today. Today you will do something that makes you happy, something good for your body. And when you wake up in the morning tomorrow, you will feel better. Then do it again tomorrow. Do something good for yourself, something good for your body. And when you want up two days from now, you will feel yourself feeling better and better, and not just a shell of a person with the headache from hell.
Best of luck to you. We all need each other.

Fandy

You can explore all the options that are available. There are lots of different groups and it's not one size fits all. You find what you are comfortable with, whether it is one to one counseling or a group setting.

but it's good to know you are NOT alone. even here there is always someone around to talk to and get support.

emotional dependance is still dependance. You deserve your freedom too. think of how great it is to NOT be tethered to a bottle.

Emjay40

Thank you so much everybody. I'm sitting here in tears reading your posts.

I do actually see a therapist because I've had emotional problems since my marriage ended (another reason for the drinking). I can speak to her about this. She knows I drink, I've mentioned it to her before. Then I started lying to her when she asked me about it.

I guess it's time to be brutally honest with both her, my doctor, and most importantly, myself.

I owe it to my children to do this. They have no father and they need their mother to be strong. I was so proud of myself yesterday. I'd stayed sober on Saturday night and I took the kids swimming yesterday morning. It was all going so well, until I cooked lunch, and the wine came out :-(

Fandy

i used to use the wine as a "reward" for getting through the day too. or vodka, or bourbon, throw in a few pills and it was a recipe for slowly killing myself.

eventually the wine will keep you from sleeping and relaxing. everyone is correct when they say it's progressive.

if you lie to your therapist, they cannot help you. she probably knows you are avoiding the issue too. i'm sorry about your divorce, but don't let that mess keep you from having a happy future for you and the kids. They will be proud of you and follow your example.

Emjay40

I don't think she'll be surprised when I go and tell her about this.

It's my kids who've kept me going through all this crap and you're right about not letting it ruin our future. That person destroyed enough of me, I'm damned if I'm going to finish off the job on his behalf now we're rid of him.

jobei

Welcome Emjay40 and thank you so much for sharing it really helps everyone! It looks like you have some great options to help yourself out! Don't drink today and you'll feel better tomorrow! Rinse and repeat.

I am finding that brutal honesty is the most important part of recovery for me. It has been 10 days since my last drink and I constantly find my brain wandering to cravings and other sorted things... I have to take action to stop it right when it happens and be HONEST with myself -- If I have ONE drink -shortly- there after I'll be terribly sick. It's poison to our bodies and our minds. I hope to see you on here for a long time to come!

lilac0721

Hi, Emjay! I am glad you are here. Just telling someone you have a problem is a huge start! You'll find lots of support here on SR. It's great. People here have had all sorts of experiences in trying to get and stay sober and have used all sorts of methods to recovery.

Lots of info, lots of support, and lots of inspiration. Big ol' hugs to you!

Buckley

I, too, started drinking after my divorce.
Hugs to you. And be honest with your therapist, as hard as that may be. It's their job.

Emjay40

Thanks everybody. I'll update you all when I made the appointments (docs & therapist)

igottobesober

I thought the same thing when I went to the dr and told him about my drinking problem. I was scared when he said he wanted to test my liver function, surprisely it came back fine. hopefully you get the same news. It is scary to admitt it to another person, but it really does help. find someone you trust, I told my Pastor and she has been my biggest supporter. I am also a mom, and 15 days sober after many failed attempts I feel good about it this time. You can do it, one day at a time.

stepping

Welcome Emjay! You came to the right place. Your post gave me the chills..I know that awful feeling. Hangovers made me start to feel as I was dying towards the end of my drinking..in fact they lasted for days! Just fight through this and it WILL get better!!! What's a week of pain in comparison to a nonhungover life. It's worht it and you only have to go through this once! Visiting the dr will give you a piece of mind but I must admit I havent taken that step yet. I will....it's part of my recovery plan Best of luck and much support coming your way from not only me but the whole SR recovery group! You can do this!!!