ShaneW

Im day 27, and just been having some pretty massive up & downs last couple of days. Actually, just some pretty massive downs. Feeling at times like I just wanna shut myself from everyone, especially the new buds Ive met through AA. Its not so I can drink, I dont want to drink, in fact Im not really even tempted. Its all my insecurities & anxiety.

Its more that the whole, everyones your new friend in AA, and you gotta call people daily. And they are all in your business. Its just a lot to take in...and its always awkward with any new friend, AA or not, when calling or texting or whatever. Its like, you meet some new people trade numbers, call day or 2 later and dont hear back and its kinda depressing. Its my insecurity, I know. Ive had it all my adult life...In a wierd way its easier for me to call women Im trying to date, then new friends. haha.

And the thing of it is...these new AA buds Ive met couldnt be nicer & more welcoming and just genuine cool folks. But, gotta admit, I had a strong urge to just skip tonights meeting and hide out. Again, not to drink, but because of insecurities and that I feel as though Im kindve just lurking some at the meetings, like I dont quite fit in because everyone else has known each other for much longer.

Insecurity, Im sure, one of the reasons I did drink. Insecurity & anxiety & depression.

Anyways...just wanted to get that out. Hope everyone has had a good Saturday. I should be back on late-late tonight. Insomnia, yay! (that could also be reason Im sooo down, bad sleep for month+ now...).

Dee74

I don't know much about AA but I remember the isolating thing...sometimes it's all seemed so massive and too much to take in...but that's just crosstalk in your head Shane...I'm sure you're a lot more capable and resilient than you think you are

D

Sapling

What I found helpful Shane was mixing it up...Go to a few different meetings...And I didn't call my new AA friends everyday...Sponsor yeah...I did that for 90 days...Now I call my friends or they call me when theres something we want to do. Hang in there Shane...Your mind is going through some major changes without alcohol...The anxiety, insecurity and depression are all things I felt at that time...For me...All alcohol related and they lessened with time. It's a journey Shane...Not a windsprint. You're doing great. Give yourself some credit and don't forget to be grateful for where you are right now..That's real important.

ShaneW

Thx Sap & Dee. I kept myself on track and went to usual saturday meeting. which is probably my favorite, because of the people there also a good size group.

By the end of it I felt better, talked with my sponsor and went to eat with everyone after. Feel much better now. The more tired I am, the quicker and harder I fall into the Downs. Thats whats been happening each day lately. But I really have to push myself at times to not be a hermit, cause thats what I used to do.

Sapling

Glad you're feeling better....It's a roller coaster ride for awhile Shane...Just enjoy the ride not drinking for today...How you doing with your steps?

ShaneW

Just began to work the steps with my sponsor tonight. Getting together tomorrow to do same, then meeting after (revisiting the Closed one I had issues with last Sunday).

Sapling

Good for you!