Up & DOWNS
Im day 27, and just been having some pretty massive up & downs last couple of days. Actually, just some pretty massive downs. Feeling at times like I just wanna shut myself from everyone, especially the new buds Ive met through AA. Its not so I can drink, I dont want to drink, in fact Im not really even tempted. Its all my insecurities & anxiety.
Its more that the whole, everyones your new friend in AA, and you gotta call people daily. And they are all in your business. Its just a lot to take in...and its always awkward with any new friend, AA or not, when calling or texting or whatever. Its like, you meet some new people trade numbers, call day or 2 later and dont hear back and its kinda depressing. Its my insecurity, I know. Ive had it all my adult life...In a wierd way its easier for me to call women Im trying to date, then new friends. haha.
And the thing of it is...these new AA buds Ive met couldnt be nicer & more welcoming and just genuine cool folks. But, gotta admit, I had a strong urge to just skip tonights meeting and hide out. Again, not to drink, but because of insecurities and that I feel as though Im kindve just lurking some at the meetings, like I dont quite fit in because everyone else has known each other for much longer.
Insecurity, Im sure, one of the reasons I did drink. Insecurity & anxiety & depression.
Anyways...just wanted to get that out. Hope everyone has had a good Saturday. I should be back on late-late tonight. Insomnia, yay! (that could also be reason Im sooo down, bad sleep for month+ now...).