DisplacedGRITS

So i drank hard last night, cooked dinner and don't remember a damn thing. I feel lower than low. I hate this disease with all of my heart.

Sapling

When are you gonna say..I give up...You win....Grits?

DisplacedGRITS

My husband knows. I know he knows. He's sympathetic and i know he won't leave me but i'm still scared. He deserves so much better. I don't deserve him.

Sapling

You can do this Grits...I don't think you can do it alone. I couldn't.

Dee74

What are you prepared to do to change things dG?

D

DisplacedGRITS

I have to say it today, Sapling. My heart is too heavy and my desire for honesty is too strong. I must beat this. I have to.

Sapling

Then do it...

DisplacedGRITS

I am prepared to be honest. Very honest. My husband is very true and now the open to me being honest so i guess i'll start there.

DisplacedGRITS

Crap...he knows. It's for the best. How long can he deal with this? *sigh*

Sapling

I lost my wife of 17 years....She gave me an option...I took alcohol...I was sick....But I wasn't done....I drank for 6 more years and screwed another lady's life up....Then I honestly told myself...I can't do this anymore...I shamefully walked through the doors of AA and found a solution....And it worked. I'd done enough harm to people and myself...Find a way and take action....While you still have a husband.

DisplacedGRITS

He is my heart. He is more important than alcohol. It's gonna be hard but i have to remember how impotant he is to me. I am so sorry, Sapling. I hope i don't lose my husband. He is my everything. He means more to me than alcohol. Now i have to prove it.

Sapling

That's right...You have to prove it....That takes action....I would start with STOP DRINKING and getting busy.

NewBeginning010

Welcome DisplacedGRITS

You can do this. In regards to late night cooking & almost burning our places down... that can happen to people under the influence much easier than to those that are sober ;-)

All of the best in your recovery

SSIL75

DG didn't you go to rehab? Is going back an option?

I hear the remorse and panic in your 'voice' and I remember it well. then my husband would start to act normally towards me again and I'd go 'yay' and pick right back up where I left off.

I didn't want to be sober. I mean I really did not want to live a life where I never drank again. I thought it would be half a life, honestly.

How do you feel about it?

recoverywfaith

Sorry you relapsed...glad you posted here on SR and want to get and stay sober. Can you think of it like this? 1) you have food to cook 2) A home to cook in 3) you have your family's support.

I have relapses in my history as well and know all to well the feelings of shame. Please do not let that deter you from maintaining your sobriety...we recover together.

Peace,
rwf

Taking5

Grits,

You say "I have to beat this thing". Let me give you this AAer's perspective. I didn't beat alcohol. Alcohol beat me. Beat me senseless. I gave up. Alcohol won. This is known in AA as "surrender", and is a key part of step 1.

Have you checked out AA? Next time you are down here in Mobile I can introduce you to some wonderful women in recovery, but you can get started now.

newleaves2012

I will be praying for you, your addiction and your marriage. There is unbelievable power in surrender.

DisplacedGRITS

Thanks, dgillz! Next time i visit Mobile i will contact you. I always need the help when i visit home.

I surrender. I give up. I am not happy as a drunk. I won't "try" anymore. I will just surrender.

DisplacedGRITS

Also, thank you everyone for the advice and support.

SSIL75

Yes but will you be happy sober? Shifting that push/pull balance is what got me sober. I'd had years of not wanting to be drunk. It wasn't enough.