Papz187

OK, I am a 29 yr old male that has had substance abuse problems for a good 12 years now, using hard stuff (heroin, coke/crack) a good part of the past 10 years, mixed in with minimal sobriety periods as well as methadone clinics, detoxes and even tried suboxone once.

A week ago I talked to my GF and came clean that I been using the majority of the past 6-7 months (after my best friend died of an OD) and she said she needs time to see if we have a future together (she grew up with her parents as drug users and was affected greatly, she doesnt want that in her or her daughters life and I dont blame her). So that was my breaking point, my 'rock bottom' for me to make the changes I need. I am still on the Methadone clinic (70mg) but just signed the paper work today to come down 5mg, I have been sober almost a week and just want to change my life.

What means the most to me is my loved ones and family. I been with my girl 3 years, she has an 8 year old daughter from a previous relationship who I love and get along with well. I live with my mother and old brother (who has down syndrom) and have a younger brother who is married and doing well. These are the people I LOVE, I want this for not only myself but for them and to be with them, thats whats most important to me.

I dont get to see anyone of them much as I work 2nd/3rd shift, my brother lives 30 minutes away and he works 3rd shift, my GF lives in the same town we both work in (same job) but she isnt ready to have me come back over at the moment as she wants me to work on myself while she thinks about the future, and my mother works during the day and while she loves and supports me she also has a life of her own.

I want to have a great life, I dont want to be a drug addict, I know I can do this, I just need to take the right steps and make the right choices, and hopefully know what to do and what to ask for help as well.

Thanks for reading

sugarbear1

Welcome!

neferkamichael

Papz, sound like me except I have trip the using time. I'm about 1 year 9 months sober. I always told myself I cared more about my loved one, but the true is I didn't or I would have stopped. I lost contact with my genetic family for over 26 years, and lost every girlfriend I ever had. Think about what you said in your tread very carefully. If you really care more about your loved ones more than using you'll quit. Prayin for ya. Congratulations on the 7 days.

Impurrfect

(((Papz))) - I abused one thing or another, finally got really addicted to crack, and it brought me to my knees. I'm way older than you, heck I've USED something longer than you've been alive but I'm coming up on 5 years clean...SR has been a huge part of that.

You can do this. You deserve it, and I think you've made a great start by coming here.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

EmeraldRose

Welcome Papz. Sounds like you are doing pretty good this week? You have alot to stay clean for...wishing you peace and strength.

Rexfiles

One word of advice, never kid yourself about hitting 'rock bottom'. I thought I hit it a hundred times, all I did was break out a bigger hammer, a sharper chisel, and continued to dig, dig, DIG!!!

Rock bottom is your grave.

Ain't no rock bottom after that....

Rex

artsoul

Welcome Papz!

Congratulations for deciding to get clean/sober! We just can't be who we really want to be when we're medicated all the time.

It really helps to have support from people who know what you're going through and you'll find plenty of that here! We have a section specifically for Substance Abuse too - so you might want to check that out:
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Better days ahead!8

Dee74

Welcome to SR Papz - you absolutely can have that great life

D

Papz187

Thanks everyone for the support, welcomes and advice.

I know I want to be sober, I dont love life when Im using and feel like I lost too much when I was as well.

I know its possible, Im excited yet a little nervous at the same time. I know this wont be easy but I plan on using SR as a tool for helping myself, I am just going to take it moment by moment and go from there.

Once again big thanks! And good luck to everyone as well on their journy outta hell.......wish you all the best!!!

Papz187

Thats some powerful message nef, really makes me think.

Do you think thats true, by using drugs I really do feel that they are not as important as me getting high?

I think if I refused to make changes when confronted by my GF and said "F it" and went out and got high I would of made my choice right then and there. Thankfully I havent relapsed so far (and dont plan to).........I will definatley take what you said with me and use it whenever I get that itch to get something, thinking of them and how much I love them I dont want to lose them over a lousy addiction.........the thought of losing all my close loved ones is terrifying and I have been so damn lucky how supportive they have been, even after all the years of messing up, getting better, going back, etc.

They mean the world to me, they are my main motivation, and I hope to only live a happy, sober life with them and eventually have a family of my own. Once again, thanks for the advice, definatley hit home.