Pink cloud is gone
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Albany NY
Posts: 1,212
Hi Purplecatlover:
I understand your post about feeling guilt and feeling that you should always do more and be more. I also lived with a mentally ill brother and know exactly what you are talking about. It IS overwhelming.
I remember speaking with my one-on-one counselor 17 years ago during my stay in rehab about my brother. Without getting into details, she said one sentence to me that actually stopped me in my tracks and made me think of the situation in a new light.
I mean, it was breathtaking to me. I had never even thought of it myself, and Lord knows how may years and days and hours I spent trying to wrap my head around the mixed feelings I had about my brother. I kept all those mixed up feelings inside, and actually perserverated on them while I was drinking alone. It was like playing a broken record. The way I felt about my brother felt so sick, I didn't dare share it with anyone before. I had a lot of venom but was fearful I would be viewed as a bitch for being so angry at him, so I just kept my mouth shut.
Today, he is my brother, and I love him, and have compassion for him, and accept that he dances to a different drummer. That's OK. That's way OK.
He has his path, and I have mine, and when we meet, we can let all that stuff stay in the past, where it should be.
There is relief in my belief that I don't have to fix anybody anymore, except for me, and that some situations are just way out of my control. I also learned that what may seem important to me (for him), he might not give great weight to.
As to the pink cloud, well, all I can say is that yes, we are not drinking, but what becomes revealed to us is what we need to work on. I have learned that a burden shared is a burden halved. My recovery experience has shown me that I do not have to take the world onto my shoulders, and that sharing and living with others is the escape hatch I needed.
The only thing I regret is having waited so long to get that message.
That is where I have found peace. You can too - I'm sure of it.
I understand your post about feeling guilt and feeling that you should always do more and be more. I also lived with a mentally ill brother and know exactly what you are talking about. It IS overwhelming.
I remember speaking with my one-on-one counselor 17 years ago during my stay in rehab about my brother. Without getting into details, she said one sentence to me that actually stopped me in my tracks and made me think of the situation in a new light.
I mean, it was breathtaking to me. I had never even thought of it myself, and Lord knows how may years and days and hours I spent trying to wrap my head around the mixed feelings I had about my brother. I kept all those mixed up feelings inside, and actually perserverated on them while I was drinking alone. It was like playing a broken record. The way I felt about my brother felt so sick, I didn't dare share it with anyone before. I had a lot of venom but was fearful I would be viewed as a bitch for being so angry at him, so I just kept my mouth shut.
Today, he is my brother, and I love him, and have compassion for him, and accept that he dances to a different drummer. That's OK. That's way OK.
He has his path, and I have mine, and when we meet, we can let all that stuff stay in the past, where it should be.
There is relief in my belief that I don't have to fix anybody anymore, except for me, and that some situations are just way out of my control. I also learned that what may seem important to me (for him), he might not give great weight to.
As to the pink cloud, well, all I can say is that yes, we are not drinking, but what becomes revealed to us is what we need to work on. I have learned that a burden shared is a burden halved. My recovery experience has shown me that I do not have to take the world onto my shoulders, and that sharing and living with others is the escape hatch I needed.
The only thing I regret is having waited so long to get that message.
That is where I have found peace. You can too - I'm sure of it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Sober State
Posts: 1,126
Wellwisher, thanks so much for your kind words.
So can you tell me the sentence that stopped you in your tracks?
I tend to put more pressure on myself than anyone. I need to just let up.
I agree a problem shared is a problem halved. I like that.
I feel alot better today. I know I can't fix the world. I can't change the way things are.
I can only work on me, keep going forward. Make progress. One day at a time.
Sober!!!!!!
So can you tell me the sentence that stopped you in your tracks?
I tend to put more pressure on myself than anyone. I need to just let up.
I agree a problem shared is a problem halved. I like that.
I feel alot better today. I know I can't fix the world. I can't change the way things are.
I can only work on me, keep going forward. Make progress. One day at a time.
Sober!!!!!!
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