Pink cloud is gone
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((PKL))) - at almost 5 years in recovery, I still have days where I'm so filled with gratitude that I get teary-eyed. A few days later, I'm so down I can't figure out why things are so hard. I think this is just part of life, though granted, it was WAY worse in early recovery.
I've been known to, when I'm being pulled in a zillion different directions, to stomp my feet, yell "I am NOT the only one who can do this!!" (basically a 2-year-old tantrum) but I felt better. I really do hope you find some time for yourself because it does help. It doesn't have to be major..have a manicure/pedicure, a bubble-bath, read a few chapters of a book you enjoy, watch trashy TV for an hour.
You're doing great...just keep it up
My pink cloud days are far more frequent than the dark ones, these days.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I've been known to, when I'm being pulled in a zillion different directions, to stomp my feet, yell "I am NOT the only one who can do this!!" (basically a 2-year-old tantrum) but I felt better. I really do hope you find some time for yourself because it does help. It doesn't have to be major..have a manicure/pedicure, a bubble-bath, read a few chapters of a book you enjoy, watch trashy TV for an hour.
You're doing great...just keep it up
My pink cloud days are far more frequent than the dark ones, these days.Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
Just curious those of you that are in small towns. You say it wouldnt be anonymous does that mean you already know everyone in the groups without going to one.
And sorry but you cant complete the steps alone.
But at least you have this site, to continue such a wonderful journey.
And sorry but you cant complete the steps alone.
But at least you have this site, to continue such a wonderful journey.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Portland
Posts: 1,631
I will drive to a meeting, but yes, we would probably know people in group. That's an assumption but if I walk into a meeting in this town my own laundry is aired in a community with no grocery store and one gas station.
I don't want anyone assessing me--either positively or negatively.
So I'll drive.
I don't want anyone assessing me--either positively or negatively.
So I'll drive.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: « USA » Recovered with AVRT (Rational Recovery) ___________
Posts: 3,680
Originally Posted by Purplecatlover 
Is there any book type guide to help me thru the steps? AA meetings are not an option for me. But I like the 12 steps.
What is the Lamplighters Group? How, where and when does it meet?
Founded by six people in 1991, Lamplighters now numbers just under 700 members logging on from more than thirty countries around the world. We share our experience, strength and hope with each other over the Internet, via email. Unlike "live chat" AA meetings (of which there are many), email meetings involve using a central listserver to gather our posts and redistribute them to the group, so that everyone can hear every speaker's share, just as in a traditional meeting place.
Since the Internet operates 24 hours a day, members can log on at any time to download their email, then disconnect to read and respond at leisure. Thus they choose whether and when they wish to "attend" our non-stop meeting.
From the Lamplighters FAQ
Founded by six people in 1991, Lamplighters now numbers just under 700 members logging on from more than thirty countries around the world. We share our experience, strength and hope with each other over the Internet, via email. Unlike "live chat" AA meetings (of which there are many), email meetings involve using a central listserver to gather our posts and redistribute them to the group, so that everyone can hear every speaker's share, just as in a traditional meeting place.
Since the Internet operates 24 hours a day, members can log on at any time to download their email, then disconnect to read and respond at leisure. Thus they choose whether and when they wish to "attend" our non-stop meeting.
From the Lamplighters FAQ
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Singapore
Posts: 737
PurpleCL, You mentioned you can't do meetings because:
Time constraints
OK, ummm.... how much time did you spend drinking again? How much time did you waste while drunk again? How much time was spent nursing hangovers again? How many time intensive activities have you avoided in order to drink? I suspect this list could go on and on.
AA is NOT anonymous (small town syndrome)
In the spirit of AA, I'd suggest that even if those within your locale can't remain anonymous (because everyone knows everyone else), the folks who go there are certainly not attending AA in the hopes of discovering - thus "outing" someone new. In fact I'd dare say those who attend in such a small town are even more hyper aware of the need for anonymity, considering they had to buck up and go, being just as aware of the small town gossip as you are.
To better exemplify this point, how about you pick the option you feel is best suited to AA attendees from my list below;
People who attend AA are:
1. folks who, just like you, have a problem with alcohol and are looking for a solution.
2. Folks who have been helped by the 12 steps of AA and are at meetings in the hopes of helping others.
3. spies for the man.
(spoiler alert: number 3 is wrong). See how that works?
Personally speaking I wish I had meetings where I knew some folks, because then I would have had some experience to draw on and a few phone numbers to call that didn't have me wishing I didn't HAVE to call them.
Look, I'm not here to rub you the wrong way unnecessarily, and I'm guessing being told that your rationale is actually a list of excuses is not the most pleasant feeling, especially on a public forum. You've even qualified your reasons by telling us they are not excuses.
Here's the thing; you've spent plenty of wasted time drowning in a bottle, so using the reasoning of time restraints where your recovery is concerned is a veritable cop out. Also, if it's that important for you to remain anonymous, like Sapling suggests and Missy does, drive to another town where you have the best statistical probability of remaining anonymous. Just understand that you are not terribly unique in this illness. Others you know will be struggling with alcohol as well, and you might run into a few of them even if you fly to Paris in a private jet every day for a meeting. My point is simple; NOT going for fear you might run into folks who know you? That can become a very convenient way to avoid your recovery during those times when recovery gets as tough as nails.
Just my humble opinion, but here's the options you have if you can't drive to another town...
1. Buck up and do what the other AA folks in your small town have done, which is to finally decide their life and recovery more important than what a bunch of gossiping, petty knuckleheads think. Bluntly, f**k other people. You are trying to save your life, not worry over who might leak your story to TMZ or E! Online.
2. This forum + google is your friend. Find online meetings, an online sponsor, do Skype based meetings. TU mentioned Lamplighters, that's a good start. There's also intherooms.com, and others. Online AA is all I have access to at the moment. Hell, my sponsor lives in the Philippines, which is about 1500 miles away from me. I've never met her in person, but her influence on my recovery and her knowledge of the steps is immeasurable none-the-less. See, I also tried the steps on my own once, and I can tell you this: you are trying to find your way through a maze in virtual darkness taking the steps on your own. Get a sponsor and you can expect your mind to be blown at all you're missing right now.
The point is, you might wanna reconsider your stance here for your own sake, and I say that with no ill will or judgment. You can look for reasons to make doing the steps of AA correctly NOT an option, or you can stop your 'beast' from manufacturing said reasons cold, and instead, look for ways to ensure it IS an option. At the end of the day those reasons you've outlined aren't problems exclusive to AA. Magically, similar 'reasons' will come up no matter what methodology you adopt, because hurdles like these are just what alcoholism and your addictive voice are very, very good at sticking in front of recovery. Do try and remember how crafty this thing of ours is. Look for it to regularly provide you all kinds of rationale for not doing what needs to be done.
Time constraints
OK, ummm.... how much time did you spend drinking again? How much time did you waste while drunk again? How much time was spent nursing hangovers again? How many time intensive activities have you avoided in order to drink? I suspect this list could go on and on.
AA is NOT anonymous (small town syndrome)
In the spirit of AA, I'd suggest that even if those within your locale can't remain anonymous (because everyone knows everyone else), the folks who go there are certainly not attending AA in the hopes of discovering - thus "outing" someone new. In fact I'd dare say those who attend in such a small town are even more hyper aware of the need for anonymity, considering they had to buck up and go, being just as aware of the small town gossip as you are.
To better exemplify this point, how about you pick the option you feel is best suited to AA attendees from my list below;
People who attend AA are:
1. folks who, just like you, have a problem with alcohol and are looking for a solution.
2. Folks who have been helped by the 12 steps of AA and are at meetings in the hopes of helping others.
3. spies for the man.
(spoiler alert: number 3 is wrong). See how that works?
Personally speaking I wish I had meetings where I knew some folks, because then I would have had some experience to draw on and a few phone numbers to call that didn't have me wishing I didn't HAVE to call them.
Look, I'm not here to rub you the wrong way unnecessarily, and I'm guessing being told that your rationale is actually a list of excuses is not the most pleasant feeling, especially on a public forum. You've even qualified your reasons by telling us they are not excuses.
Here's the thing; you've spent plenty of wasted time drowning in a bottle, so using the reasoning of time restraints where your recovery is concerned is a veritable cop out. Also, if it's that important for you to remain anonymous, like Sapling suggests and Missy does, drive to another town where you have the best statistical probability of remaining anonymous. Just understand that you are not terribly unique in this illness. Others you know will be struggling with alcohol as well, and you might run into a few of them even if you fly to Paris in a private jet every day for a meeting. My point is simple; NOT going for fear you might run into folks who know you? That can become a very convenient way to avoid your recovery during those times when recovery gets as tough as nails.
Just my humble opinion, but here's the options you have if you can't drive to another town...
1. Buck up and do what the other AA folks in your small town have done, which is to finally decide their life and recovery more important than what a bunch of gossiping, petty knuckleheads think. Bluntly, f**k other people. You are trying to save your life, not worry over who might leak your story to TMZ or E! Online.
2. This forum + google is your friend. Find online meetings, an online sponsor, do Skype based meetings. TU mentioned Lamplighters, that's a good start. There's also intherooms.com, and others. Online AA is all I have access to at the moment. Hell, my sponsor lives in the Philippines, which is about 1500 miles away from me. I've never met her in person, but her influence on my recovery and her knowledge of the steps is immeasurable none-the-less. See, I also tried the steps on my own once, and I can tell you this: you are trying to find your way through a maze in virtual darkness taking the steps on your own. Get a sponsor and you can expect your mind to be blown at all you're missing right now.
The point is, you might wanna reconsider your stance here for your own sake, and I say that with no ill will or judgment. You can look for reasons to make doing the steps of AA correctly NOT an option, or you can stop your 'beast' from manufacturing said reasons cold, and instead, look for ways to ensure it IS an option. At the end of the day those reasons you've outlined aren't problems exclusive to AA. Magically, similar 'reasons' will come up no matter what methodology you adopt, because hurdles like these are just what alcoholism and your addictive voice are very, very good at sticking in front of recovery. Do try and remember how crafty this thing of ours is. Look for it to regularly provide you all kinds of rationale for not doing what needs to be done.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
There's also other options too
most recovery groups nowadays have various online options as Peter suggested - and of course Rational Recovery eschews the idea of meetings completely.
here's some links to some of the main players:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach PCL.
I've never tried any of them so I can't personally share any experience, but I think it's worthwhile to check out all your options if you end up thinking this might be more of a support issue rather than a depression one
D
most recovery groups nowadays have various online options as Peter suggested - and of course Rational Recovery eschews the idea of meetings completely.
here's some links to some of the main players:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach PCL.
I've never tried any of them so I can't personally share any experience, but I think it's worthwhile to check out all your options if you end up thinking this might be more of a support issue rather than a depression one
D
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
Depression is as much a physical condition as it is a mental condition. The meds balance out the brain chemistry. I am not an expert but I think there are blood test to determine if it is a brain chemistry problem.
I would take Dee's advice and seek a possible scientific solution and discuss it with your doctor.
I would take Dee's advice and seek a possible scientific solution and discuss it with your doctor.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Sober State
Posts: 1,126
I will go to AA if that is what's needed.
My post was about depression, which I had before drinking.
I'm not on the verge of a relapse.
I appreciate the advice from you who "get it"
A little harsh & in your face but....
You can not presume to know my life & all it entails.
Some people are stronger in their minds than others. ie depression
Yes I drank. At home. While doing all my tasks. I did not venture out or go to bars. I did it while cooking, cleaning, etc. So I didn't spend " extra" time on it.
I know you all mean well. Thank you TU for answering my question about a guide.
I need help& encouragement. Not a lecture.
My depression goes deeper than alcohol. I will speak to my doc about Antidepressants.
One shouldn't assume to know about something that they have never been through.
Sapling, do you work? Have a small child?
My post was about depression, which I had before drinking.
I'm not on the verge of a relapse.
I appreciate the advice from you who "get it"
A little harsh & in your face but....
You can not presume to know my life & all it entails.
Some people are stronger in their minds than others. ie depression
Yes I drank. At home. While doing all my tasks. I did not venture out or go to bars. I did it while cooking, cleaning, etc. So I didn't spend " extra" time on it.
I know you all mean well. Thank you TU for answering my question about a guide.
I need help& encouragement. Not a lecture.
My depression goes deeper than alcohol. I will speak to my doc about Antidepressants.
One shouldn't assume to know about something that they have never been through.
Sapling, do you work? Have a small child?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 16
Not trying to get all biblical but thought I would share given the content of this thread.
Proverbs 27:5-7 (NLT)
An open rebuke
is better than hidden love!
Wounds from a sincere friend
are better than many kisses from an enemy.
A person who is full refuses honey,
but even bitter food tastes sweet to the hungry.
PCL I wish you the best on your journey. I know there are a lot of different personalities on here but I honestly believe that even the tough love approach is meant with the best of intentions. Take what you need and leave the rest. Don't let it get you down! Cheering you on!
Proverbs 27:5-7 (NLT)
An open rebuke
is better than hidden love!
Wounds from a sincere friend
are better than many kisses from an enemy.
A person who is full refuses honey,
but even bitter food tastes sweet to the hungry.
PCL I wish you the best on your journey. I know there are a lot of different personalities on here but I honestly believe that even the tough love approach is meant with the best of intentions. Take what you need and leave the rest. Don't let it get you down! Cheering you on!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 732
It's not BS, Sapling. Going to an AA meeting and "outing" myself causes me so much anxiety I just can't do it. I've been honest with myself about my drinking and I don't feel like I need to go public. That is why I come to these forums. Not to spout BS, but to vent my real feelings. I'm very happy AA has worked for so many other people, I have no prejudices against it, none!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Sober State
Posts: 1,126
Thank you Dababy & Katrinka
I am a Christian & believe I can be delivered & restored.
I'm glad someone else understands the " anxiety" of small town issues. It is not BS.
I understand they mean well but some people need tough love & some need a gentler response.
We're not all cut from the same cookie cutter.
To think one way is the only way is naive.
To each is own. We're all unique. While some things may work for one doesn't mean it will for the other. And some approaches are better than others.
I know everyone here needs & wants to give help.
Bless you All!!
I am a Christian & believe I can be delivered & restored.
I'm glad someone else understands the " anxiety" of small town issues. It is not BS.
I understand they mean well but some people need tough love & some need a gentler response.
We're not all cut from the same cookie cutter.
To think one way is the only way is naive.
To each is own. We're all unique. While some things may work for one doesn't mean it will for the other. And some approaches are better than others.
I know everyone here needs & wants to give help.
Bless you All!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Central Texas
Posts: 223
PCL,
I agree complete with what you wrote above. You are asking for help with depression. A family care physician can prescribe antidepressants/antianxiety meds but it may be worth it to see a good psychiatrist.
I also don't go to AA. I don't live in a small town but I can't risk seeing on of my patients in a meeting. And it is a definite possibility. I went to one meeting that was large (thank goodness) and 2 weeks later one person showed up at my work to start internship. Awkward to say the least, Im not sure I was recognized though.
AA works wonders for some, not for all. Im here to support you.
I agree complete with what you wrote above. You are asking for help with depression. A family care physician can prescribe antidepressants/antianxiety meds but it may be worth it to see a good psychiatrist.
I also don't go to AA. I don't live in a small town but I can't risk seeing on of my patients in a meeting. And it is a definite possibility. I went to one meeting that was large (thank goodness) and 2 weeks later one person showed up at my work to start internship. Awkward to say the least, Im not sure I was recognized though.
AA works wonders for some, not for all. Im here to support you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by Purplecatlover
Sapling, do you work? Have a small child?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Sober State
Posts: 1,126
Congrats Katrinka on day 52!
Thanks,Sapling, I understand you speak from experience. We all have lots to learn.
Glad I have a great group to share, reflect with.
We all have a journey to make, different courses, but the same destination.... Sober.
Thanks,Sapling, I understand you speak from experience. We all have lots to learn.
Glad I have a great group to share, reflect with.
We all have a journey to make, different courses, but the same destination.... Sober.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 181
I haven't had a pink cloud. Went from depression/mixed episode (bipolar) to relapse to depression. I've thrown myself full force into therapy and gotten back on medication. It has been hard. There's nothing wrong with needing more help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Sober State
Posts: 1,126
Sorry zxcirce. Depression can suck the life out of you.
I have gotten back into exercising which is a great stress reliever, endorphin rush.
We just can't give up.
I make myself do things & usually end up feeling better.
I know that emotions will pass, they are not who " I " am.
They are very powerful when you are in the middle of it.
I tell myself, this too shall pass.
I can not control other people. I can not control what happens around me. I can only change my reaction.
When I start feeling down & doom & gloom, I have to talk myself out of it. Realize it's lies
Lol pink parachute.
I have gotten back into exercising which is a great stress reliever, endorphin rush.
We just can't give up.
I make myself do things & usually end up feeling better.
I know that emotions will pass, they are not who " I " am.
They are very powerful when you are in the middle of it.
I tell myself, this too shall pass.
I can not control other people. I can not control what happens around me. I can only change my reaction.
When I start feeling down & doom & gloom, I have to talk myself out of it. Realize it's lies
Lol pink parachute.
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