defyinggravity

I almost bought cocaine today. I couldn't stop thinking about shooting up (and writing about it now is bringing it all back up...sheesh) and almost texted my dealer. The only thing that kept me from doing it is that it's mardi gras and therefore a real pain in the butt to try and track down people today so I knew there was a high probability I wouldn't be able to get it this afternoon/early evening and that by the time I got it, I'd have started to talk myself out of it and would feel really bad and really guilty, but having already bought it, I'd use it anyway - which would set off a several-day binge, most likely.

Anyway, rambling aside, I didn't make the call and I've officially made it through mardi gras sober...I feel like I'm tied up in knots right now but I'm sober.

The lesson I'm taking from this: the cravings will pass.

Elisabeth888

Delete all of those numbers so you can't act on it if the urge comes again.

scrambled2012

I second Elisabeth's notion. Put as many barriers between you and the actual buying behavior as possiable.

defyinggravity

Unfortunately, I have the number memorized...I actually delete all communication with him immediately after it happens so it's never actually IN my phone...but it's in my head.

Dee74

Glad you didn't follow that idea through
what are you doing for support these days defyinggravity?

D

Anna

I'm glad that you got through the day.

Jitterbugg

Wow....your sobriety stayed in tact BECAUSE of Mardi Gras....go figure haha

NewBeginning010

You can still change your dealers name in your phone contacts to "Death & Destruction", it helps when you see it come up when you make of take a call :-)

Congrats on making it through & riding the urge wave... check out Urge Surfing for the next wave.

Mindfulness


Good Luck~

defyinggravity

I know, right?! That's somewhat ironic. it's just such a PAIN to get around with all these people and parades closing roads, etc.

So, said dealer I was avoiding contacting (or, Death & Destruction as he's now labeled in my phone - love the suggestion!) just texted me and said that he needed "help" with something. I'm pretty sure we've had this exact conversation before but I need to be reminded again that I shouldn't be feeling so bad about not answering him (it IS 11pm, after all...I HAVE been in bed for over an hour and I DO have work in the morning...).

neferkamichael

Congratulations on not using.

Dee74

maybe it would be a great idea to block this guy dg?

D

1983ritag

I'm glad you fought the urge and won. Keep it up! I know how hard that is. Doesn't it feel great? Coke brought me down lower than anything. I never want to feel like that again.

jus1dayatatime

I think a lot of times - the universe intervenes to assist you. Mardi Gras - as ironic as it may sound - actually may have helped you stay sober. Stay strong!!!

pegmeister22

That's where it starts.....making your decision....do the right thing...ya done good - hardest part....those cravings. You get over the first one....the second is that much easier - hang in there....have faith in yourself....I have faith in ya....been there....done.....that

newleaves2012

way to go man! Sober yet another day. coke is frickin' evil stuff. it is expensive, the effects are short and the night always ends in a dark jaw clenched mental state. sounds appealing, huh?

soberlicious

Death & Destruction needed your help with something? LOL hmmm...something stinks and it smells suspiciously like BS. I agree with Dee...block. Eventually you wont remember the number, especially if you never dial it.

lbern

i'm glad you didn't use! good job!

Bob36

Whery@ defying gravity??!!! As a nola person I know how momentous your success was 'on that day'. Its twice as hard as anywhere else- where its just another tues.
Today was my first Mardi Gras Sober as well!- and I had that text in my hand- delete. We both got the baby in the king cake!
Im just starting to sober/recover as well. Im happy to hear of another person celebrating mardi gras while fighting the death. Glad to see you made it through. keep it up. Think of it this way- you don't have anything but sadness to give up for Lent.

now that I think about Mardi Gras I remember for years the funnest part of the day was the 6am breakfast I hosted before Zulu- then the very end of the day when I got from the quarter to uptown and, completely sober and showered, just grabbing a meal at a restaurant and watching bleary,stinking tourists sitting around waiting for a table while we wound down and got normal before early bedtime . IE-the two ends of the day where I wasn't stumbling and mumbling.

Elphaba

Okay, so obviously I love your ending quote, but steer clear of the wizard he only wants to use you.

NewBeginning010

Yeah, I never trusted that Death & Destruction guy either ;-)

Step 1) Recognize your dealer for who he is "Death & Destruction" (Check)
Step 2) Block the number so you don't see incoming texts or calls (_____)
Step 3) Do everything you can to not pick up

Well, there are 12 steps but those three are good for right now before you get into a meeting later today ;-)

You can do this! We are here to support you in your recovery