sissy07

WantingEcstasy,

Please accept my apologies. I can't believe I rushed to judgment after all the BS I have pulled.

littlefish

Hi wanting ecstasy, glad you considered that plan a moment of madness and called it off.

That really jumped out at me: why do any of us just want to have a nice high?
What is the thought that always had me reaching for that first drink? That one: "I just want to have a nice high".

Is it a way to flee reality? So, is reality a bummer? I think we all have different reasons for wanting to use: "flee","escape", "fill the hole", "fill the need", "get numb" or maybe stop feeling numb and "feel something", "feel normal". For me, it was to get numb. Oh, and flee.
In any case, what it boils down to, for me, is that any moment of using, anything in the spectrum of alcohol or addictive drugs, is always abnormal behavior. I wanted it to be "nice", innocent, harmless: that just never happened.

WantingEcstacy

No problem at all I guess its just the way I wrote the post gave an impression I was messing around or don't wish to remain sober. I really do want to be sober but occasionally have a stupid fantasy of taking an E and as its not alcohol all will be fine. Obviously if I took an E, the likelihood is I would take another when coming down, and another, use up all 10 over the space of 3 days, crash and burn and then reach for a drink on Wednesday. I forget how incredibly depressing come downs are and how I used to drink on them, glass of red wine in the morning to take the edge off etc!!! So no worries, I'm just glad I cancelled getting those pills. From now on I should view pills as a form of alcohol. As taking a pill, could lead to a drink, so in a silly way it is a drink!

WantingEcstacy

Yes, exactly...what would my nice buzz have entailed? I'm not sure exactly, but I guess the escape from reality would be why...to be in a different world for a few hours...weird thing is I'm happy but I wanted 'something else', is this something about not being satisified, an element of greed, I'm not sure....Or is it my self destruct button, a more unconscious desire to self destruct. I think I may have some of that going on too!

JohnnyDetox

Well I have to say Wanting, you do know how to make an enterance!!!

Nowell

I came upon this thread b/c my ex fiancé, who was in recovery for 10 years (main DOAs - alcohol and coke) broke up with me suddenly after what I just found out was an MDMA and maybe some hallucinogens relapse. I came here to find out more about what might be in store for him Either way, I know it’s not good. I never did any of that but I am a recovering alcoholic so I know it’s bad... still, knowing what I know, this **** sucks. I feel SO POWERLESS

legna

I would just like to say that I found this post inspiring. People did rush to judgment but that's understandable. What I find somewhat less understandable is the large number of people who came back to say that they were wrong to do so.

Imagine that, a bunch of addicts and alcoholics owning their mistakes and apologizing for it. That's recovery and that's why I like SR.

tomsteve

this is why:
"However I have done something which I know is playing with fire."

remember typing that? is playing with fire healthy? how bout Russian roulette? is that healthy?

Dee74

Welcome Nowell

I'm sorry for your situation but I know you'll find support here
I hope you'll check out our Family and Friends forums too.

Maybe starting your own thread is the go? I see already some folks today are replying to the original poster here.

D

deeker

If there not even here yet think how you will feel if you drink on them. Don't you want to clean up your act?

Dee74

Guys this is an old thread that's been recently bumped.

D

deeker

I was sending telepathic messages to them Dee

Michael66

(deleted - just seen this is an old thread)

Lionhearted1

lol. that is the worst idea I have heard for a long long time!!! cancel the order!

GroupOfDrunks18

I doubt you will while you are rolling, but after you will have **** for serotonin left and be pretty bummed out for a while. I dont know what you decided, but if you are already going to do it, make sure to get a test kit and make sure it is crystalline. If it is in a gel cap or has been pressed its probably dirty. I used molly heavily and promise you it will not be worth it man. Great drug for people without a problem with addiction. I don't know of anyone in the program who can use molly and stay away from a drink, but I know a few who can take prescriptions as prescribed so I suppose it can be done. Bill W. did LSD in the 50's in a clinical setting and said he thought it would be useful to some alcoholics in a clinical setting, due to the ego loss on LSD. Every alcoholic is different, but doing molly is advised against. For this alcoholic, doing anything however harmless it is (like weed), just opens the door to more and more justifications of other things until I arrive right back to my drug of choice. That has been my experience.

Dee74

Because people keep confusing this old thread for a new one, we'll close it here.

Nowell - please do start a thread about your problem.

D